Gratitude arises from an Hawaiian prayer

I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, I Love You, Thank You!

I meditated yesterday with members of the Center for Contemporary Mysticism in Chestnut Hill and found love hidden beneath a wall of pain I build up with my first wife.

I asked her to forgive me after telling her how sorry I was for hurting her, and that I always loved her and wanted to thank her for all she did for me.

It was part of the Hawaiian meditation prayer, one called “Ho’oponopono,” where you focused on your breathing and visualizations of whatever the heart and mind manifested. Some Buddhist-types believe that the heart and the mind are one object and that we can control the mind by letting the heart take over.

I let them merge while in a small chapel with some 10 others meditating at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in a section of Philadelphia. The guided meditation focused on romantic love, education and forgiveness among other things. I thought of Ella Gore, my wife whom I married at age 21, about a month before I went to Vietnam. I got married in part because of “war fever,” not knowing whether I’d die before experiencing marital bliss.

I'm sorry.jpg

I also married because of love.

She was a Cajun girl, barely out of her teens, when I swept her off her feet as a brand new second lieutenant while stationed in Ft. Polk Louisiana, not far from New Orleans, the Crawfish Capital of the World. She reminded me of my ex-girlfriend, Peggy McPeake, and I had to marry Ella when I brought her home and my mother refused to let us stay under her roof unless we got hitched.

“You are My Sunshine” was a favorite song she’d sing and dance to when we first met and cuddled in my bachelor pad off the military base. I had just finished reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead and longed for Life in its fullest as I took her into my arms and pledged my devotion to her.

The marriage didn’t last. I returned from the war a different man and we drifted apart as she worked and helped put me through college. I hurt her with my infidelities and my need to prove myself. I felt I was a “loser” following Vietnam. And I strove for success no matter who I used or manipulated to enrich my ego.

I’m sorry, Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you!

It feels good to confess and admit that love can heal what I thought was unhealable.   Ho’oponopono!

5 comments on “Gratitude arises from an Hawaiian prayer

  1. Michael, I am always impressed by the way that you process your experiences and translate into cohesive civil dialect that is accessible. It seems that you leave nothing essential out and you add nothing extraneous. I don’t believe that you “work” at this. Rather, I believe that it is instinctive and I might add amazing!!

    Regarding the content of this entry, it has been my experience that real love does not end. However, as we evolve, our expression of our love for someone may need to change. One example for me would be my son. He is no longer in this realm and I cannot hug him, however, I continue to love him and my love is expressed in a different form. On a different level, in my family, we seem to embrace the Dave Mason.. We Just Disagree philosophy. Ex’s are in attendance at all events (mother’s ex’s and their newest friend/husband, father’s ex’s and their newest friend/wife, etc., etc.). Don’t get me wrong, the separations weren’t hearts and roses but, in a short time we all seem to move past that phase and on to our next life phase. So, you can imagine what the audience of a funeral is like! 🙂 Remind me to tell you about one of my major birthday surprise parties! Ha!


    • contoveros says:

      Boy, I miss you guys. You give me the incentive to write when I’m with you and to ponder life through your comments when we are apart.

      We’re never really apart, are we Cassandra? Once our minds and hearts embrace, love carries us to another plane, another realm where we share in the Almighty Good.

      Thanks for your insight and your teachings. You should write a book about them. Put it into poetry first and then carve out a non-fictional fiction that only you and your minister would know is the Truth.

      See you soon!

      I’m sorry, Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you!

  2. Rebecca Goff says:

    Michael, I appreciate your honesty. I think I have been waiting for my only husband, John to do this. My story is Ella’s, magnified by John’s desertion of not only me, but his two little children. As I grow, I have let go of any hopes and expectations from this soul. I am finally learning to Love ME. Surrounding myself with souls seeking same serenity, is His answer. Thanks for sharing your lesson.

    • contoveros says:

      When I first heard of the Hawaiian prayer, it was directed toward all of my ancestors that might have caused another person pain. My teacher was a Shaman who often said the prayer while driving, claiming she was asking for forgiveness for all of her relatives, alive and dead, who might have cut some one off while driving.

      That stuck with me. A prayer for my ancestors. Like my mother, of whom I believe was unfaithful to my father. My dad was in his 50’s when i was born, and while he looked like Errol Flynn , his swashbuckling days were over by the time I reached the state of reason. Who knows how many affairs my biological grandfather had. He was a bigamist with a family here in New Jersey and another somewhere in Canada!

      So, Rebecca, let me apologize not only for my ancestors, but for my entire species — men, those foolish dogs — who betrayed their love for women and are too stupid today to seek forgiveness . . .

      Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

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