“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
That is what Mark Twain wrote in a cablegram he sent from Europe to a newspaper publisher in the United States that had published an obituary with false details of his death in a widely circulated newspaper one day more than a hundred years ago.
I am saying the same thing right now in the year 2024!
Yeah, I got a report from a fellow attorney with whom I worked with in Philadelphia – Scott Rudolf – asking me on my Facebook page if I was OK. I told him yes and then, after obtaining my phone number, he messaged me that the Disciplinary Board of Pennsylvania had reported that I was “deceased.”
The Board keeps track of all attorneys and “helps to regulate attorney conduct, protect the public, and maintain the integrity of the legal profession.” (Good luck with that last one!)
I never knew it, but it also keeps track of inactive and retired attorneys and whether they have passed away. I did not pass away. I was an inactive attorney and then a retired one, but one that was still kicking.
It seems the SNAFU started some two years ago when I signed up with an on-line group called “Ever Loved.” It offered suggestions on writing your obit as well as the choice of photographs and documents you would want you next of kin to use at you memorial service. It suggested I upload the information to secure it for years to come.
I wrote an obit that included my singing with a Doo Wop group and then being drafted, serving in the Vietnam War, writing as a newspaper reporter and then a union organizer. It also mentioned the two exquisite wives that had to put up with my shenanigans over the years we had been together.
That obit somehow made its way to the Disciplinary Board which used it as so-called proof of my death.
I got it all straightened out after having to contact the Board. They required at least two cards with your mugshot on them, I guess to prove it is really you. The death notice died out soon after that. (Joke intended!)
Now I feel more alive having dealt with my own mini-resurrection. “He’s alive,” said the creator of the scariest monster I ever saw in my lifetime. “He’s alive” can now refer to me.
Contoveros 
Good on you for preparing your obit ahead of time! I think it’s something we should all reflect on. But this is an incredible story of how your preparations can take a wild turn. 🤣 Glad to hear you’re still alive and kicking!
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That’s exactly what I thought when I agreed to use “Ever Loved” to help with obit-writing as well as directions for my next of kin.
But like that good Irish lad whose named was Murphy said when laying down his law: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong!”
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Man that’s wild! Would have paid money to have seen the look on the face of whoever made the final decision that you were deceased.
“He’s what?”
“He’s still alive?”
“NO WAY. OMG. Wait, do we have proof this isn’t a scammer?”
“Good point. Let’s ask for proof.”
– later –
“Well there it is. He’s been alive all along. Who made the decision to decide he was dead, anyway?”
“That was me.”
“ok pack your stuff.” (*1)
(*1 – pure fantasy; that would never happen)
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Have you ever thought about writing a sit-com using the above scenario? I would be cracking up wanting to learn more about this wild episode.
We might be talking abnout lawyers here. It was the Disciplinary Board of PA which oversees the conduct of attorneys as well as complaints by anyone who might have been labeled as “deceased” no matter what the true reality.
Pure fantasy indeed!
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No but man we could have a lot of fun with it couldn’t we. Maybe in another instance someone writes something funny, and someone responds “I’m dead! LOL” and yet another attorney makes a problematic conclusion.
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I’m think Monty Python!
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The following comments were shared on Facebook
:
Terri Kiral
So, what was it like on the other side?
Michael J Contos
Enlightening to say the least.
How would you like to write about this at one of our writer prompt challenge?
It’s fun, particularly when you learn what
happened and how to straighten it out.
Terri Kiral
It would be very interesting to hear everyone’s take. – Glad you decided to return.
—————
Patricia Muronoff Kalafut
Something like this could only happen to you So happy they were wrong.
Michael J Contos
Yeah,
That is the story of my life. You just never know when something is going to tickle you and make you glad that you are alive and well.
Can’t wait to get back together with you guys up in Quakertown to show them how much alive we all are…
————–
Joe Irwin
Michael: Glad to hear you’re still kicking 
Michael J Contos
Ain’t that something? For two years anyone going to the site put out by the Pennsylvania board would have noticed that I am no longer living. I guess there was only that one person who have seen some of my activities on Facebook to know that someone has either stolen my identity or have been greatly exaggerated about the demise.
————
Bruce Saul
Does their website now show that you are retired instead?
Michael J Contos
I think so.
I will have to try to dig it out and look at the details. I just read the obit and saw the pictures that I had selected.
Crazy ain’t it.
Go ahead and Google the site. Write whatever obit you would like. Write two or three of ‘em and let your family decide which one to use.
Bruce Saul
Michael J Contos I think I will let others decide what to say about me.
Michael J Contos
Bruce Saul
Let’s hope for a wishful thinking on their part!
—————
Steven Carey
Hey buddy. Let’s meet up at our favorite cade someday. They’re back to serving breakfast again.
Michael J Contos
Sounds good to me and my revival skills to shine once again at IKEA!
————-
Betsy Bitner
Glad to hear the reports of your demise are premature!
Michael J Contos
Reports of my “demise” is actually the correct quotation my dear. Thank you for dealing with my premature writing!
Betsy Bitner
I have no idea what the correct quotation is. Potato, potahto- either way I’m happy you’re alive and kicking!
—————–
Sharon Hajj
I must have been shocking to get the news. I’m glad to see you alive and well!
Michael J Contos
It was stunning to say the least but I got over it as soon as a local representative advised me how it may have come about and what to do to straighten it out.
I followed through and am happy to once again appear in living color!
Sharin Hajj
That’s the best way to see you. 💛💛
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Whoa! What a crazy mistake. Incredible. Glad you got it figured out.
That must’ve been so stressful on so many levels! Glad you’re still…”kicking”. 😁
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It;s good to be alive and kicking.
I wouldn’t say it was so stressful, but more comical and a bit whimsical in an old fashioned way. I’m surprised none of my former colleagues said anything until Scott contacted me.
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Quite a story!
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Thank you very much. This has never happened before. I hope it never happens again!
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