I will be admitting myself to the Veteran Administration Hospital in Philadelphia to undergo a procedure in order to avoid the excruciating pain I suffered before from similar undertakings.

Yeah, it’s time for me to get another colonoscopy, but this time I am going to get a tranquillizer. I underwent this procedure several times before without taking any type of sedative. And it hurt, man, it really hurt!

But I told the hospital staff back then that I was a Vietnam War veteran who could take a hit and undergo a little hurt to save my life. And that is exactly what happened to me when I had gotten colon cancer years ago and was cured within weeks of the diagnosis and the surgery.

Sedatives not Administered Without a Companion

You can’t get a sedative for a colonoscopy at the hospital unless you have someone accompanying you to the facility. They have to sign in with you and give their word to stay long enough to accompany you back home.

Here are the rules verbatim sent to me by the VA:

1. You must have a responsible adult escort on the day of the procedure.

2. You cannot drive, take a bus, taxi, or ride-share service alone.

3. Your escort must check in with you and stay on-site during the procedure.

4. If you arrive without an escort, your procedure with sedation will be canceled.

---

I could never get a family member, friend or a neighbor to help me, so I did without the medication that would alter some of my senses and relieve the pain from someone about to deepen into you know where. This time, I will be getting a hospital companion. That is, someone who actually works at the facility who will escort me from the operating room to a bedroom and show me how to turn on the television and order food.

Yes, I will be getting two free meals out of the deal! I’ll get dinner shortly after my procedure and breakfast the morning after. Did I tell you both will be offered for free? I will also get a free ride to and from the hospital with Uber that provides a service for disabled veterans, (See previous post on Uber.)

Excruciating Diet Demanded Before the Procedure

Keep in mind that you have to engage in a special diet several days before the procedure and take no solid foods 24-hours before it. No red Grape Juice and only Lime or Lemon Jell-O tabs permitted that last day.

My son will feed the cats after I leave home, and he’ll dish out the Fancy Feast the morning after. I just gotta remember to take my evening and morning medications to the hospital in order to stay healthy.

I actually think it’s gonna be a lot of fun!