I’m hooked. Couldn’t go an hour without needing a “fix.” I wonder how many others this phenomena efects? And how dangerous this addiction could be to my health?
I can’t stay away from my Blog. My need to go on the computer is a little frightening. I feel lost without being able to tap into what has become a major part of my life. Cyberspace. I am a full-fledged citizen of Cyberspace, and I feel I’d miss something if I did not have the opportunity to view my stats, see and respond to a comment, and more importantly, share some insight that seems to arise within when I least expect it.
I’m sipping coffee in Burger King, using one of six computers to write this. The Internet failed in my house. Had a technician over. He fixed it. It went down again. I gave up. Tried to meditate. Relax. Let go.
But it was no use. Pull was too strong. Felt I had to get on the ‘Net. Had a psychological “craving” that bordered on the physical. Needed to move around. Occupy myself. Busy myself.
The draw, however, would not quit. My hands started to sweat. Heart beat increased. My God, what is wrong with me? What have I gotten into that I can’t seem to get out of?
My son tells me Burger King has computers. “Your’re kidding,” I say, feeling a little out of touch with the world. I leave home and drive to the restaurant. Thought I’d get in 15 minutes at least. Turns out, I can spend all the time I want. Bought coffee to show ’em I’m a real customer, not some Internet junkie who stumbled in seeking help because his computer is down.
Oh Lord, it feels so good to get it out. Put it on a monitor screen. See my guts spilled with such a purifying purge.
But, Please don’t hold this against me. Don’t ostracize me for going public with my weakness. For not being the person I hold myself out to be.
I promise to be stronger next time. Won’t embarass anyone by blurting out silly fears and anxieties. Computer should be fixed soon. Hopefully, so will I.
Ahhh, the art of non-attachment. Did someone ever say it would get easy ? 😉
Computer still down and I’m at the VA center in Philadelphia, trying to print a few things and get another post together. Non-attachment. Some things are easier than others.
thanks for the understanding and the compassion.
I have the same affliction…
Even when I don’t post – I check in often to make sure that the folks I have met here are ok and I worry if I can’t be online just in case anyone might need me in some way.
I would go to the library or anywhere else with internet if mine was down for long amounts of time for that reason alone.
Yes, all I really want is the “ability” to look at posts. To see how things are going, not necessarily to “hang out.” That’s what bugged me. The lack of ability.
Just breathe and notice it is what it is.
Sitting with emotions is never easy.
The emotions sometimes become an inspiration to act. I want to always take the “right’ action with “right speech” when I follow through . . .