“Conduct Unbecoming an Officer and a Gentleman.”  

Never thought an affair I had with a married woman before turning 21 would qualify for “conduct unbecoming,”  but looking back, I see how conflicted parties to such an act could become.  

I didn’t see it as morally wrong when I slept with an enlisted man’s wife.  

There. I placed it down on paper. And, I finally see how ugly it looks on the surface. How low and despicable one must have been to take part in such an affair. Just by reading it, one could believe I took advantage of a situation. Used a higher position for my amusement, my gratification. And, nevermind whose lives I could have destroyed and left in shambles.  

Not sure how I met the red-haired German woman. She was a knock-out. All curves and smiles, and so much fun to drink with. The life of the party, who had an eye for me, a newly commissioned Second Lieutenant, assigned to a basic training company to help convert boys into men at Fort Polk, Louisiana. Cut a pretty good pose in my tailor-made uniform. Inexperienced in the ways of Love, but open to learning. And that’s what pulled me toward this “older woman” whose husband left her stateside while he was ordered overseas. Never learned much about him or where he got stationed. Don’t think I’d ever become involved with the woman if I believed he had been in Vietnam while I was with his spouse. Didn’t know she was married until I started falling for her . . .  

Never saw it as adultery. Never thought of confessing it to get absolution for a sin, either. I was single. It wasn’t like I was cheating on my wife or anything. She was. Cheating. (Don’t like using that word) But, I never saw it that way. I saw a young woman who married an American soldier in haste, followed him to his home, and was unable to face alone the suffering a stranger in a strange land must endure to gain a certain comfort, a certain security.  

Can an Affair of the Heart Ever be Considered Wrong?

I felt I provided her comfort and security. Helped ease the loneliness I knew she faced with no friends, no blood relatives, and in-laws who may or may not have accepted her or even extended a hand in trying to understand her. 

She was vibrant, so full of life, so “domineering.” She overwhelmed me at times. She helped pull me out of a shell. Had been reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead and contemplating a  life above all “pain and suffering” when she swept into my Life, pushing all cerebral thoughts away, replacing them with down-to-earth, hearty earthly pleasures.  

She taught me how to make love and care for someone you really loved. I made her feel at home again. Calm in the Eye of a Storm of Anxiety. I’d read to her. Yeah, she loved to hear me talk. Have been told I have a nice baritone voice. Sang back-up in an a capella Doo-Wop group, and can still hit a few good notes while in the shower or chanting at a Buddhist retreat. She loved the sound, and I’d often speak to her, while holding her as she closed her eyes in repose.  

Was it true love we shared? I don’t know. Forget how we parted, but it was amicable and no one learned of our secret. Our union made Life better for me, despitehow illicit it was for us. I view her with such a kindness and loving fondness today. And I thank her for being there for me. I hope I was able to offer her with the same kind of memories. Sans any shame, or a feeling it was Wrong.

(For more, see: women-know-the-help-boys-need-in-war)