Growled like a dog at a guy making noise in a sauna I was meditating in Tuesday.
Three times in a row, I gave him a dirty look, lifting my head from the bent, meditative pose staring long, hard seconds as he eventually quieted down. He was drinking water from a bottle. So he says. But it sounded more like he was bathing by splashing water on his arms and legs for some reason only God knows.
I couldn’t take it after a while. And I asked him point-blank what the noise was all about. “Yo man,” I posed, Rocky Balboa-style,” What’s all the noise about?” That’s when he said he was just drinking from the bottle.
“Why, does it bother you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I can’t hear the metal and coals burning.”
I had no idea what I had said. But, just then, you heard a crack, as if a coal was actually cracking on a fire. THAT was the sound that I had been focused on for a good 12 to 13 minutes before this tall, long-haired, lanky dude climbed to the back of the bleachers and set off sounds like he was celebrating the Fourth of July. (That’s loud explosive noises, for my Canadian friends. You too, my Lady Viv, of England.)
If the guy had said anything more right then and there, I would have killed him.
OK. Members of the jury. I didn’t mean that. I know that anything I say can be used against me to show a propensity for violence should I end up having to defend myself in real life against someone so rude, inconsiderate, lily-white, still wet-behind-the-ears, younger-than-an-X-generation-snot-nose. Not that there’s anything wrong with the majority of ’em. I got a kid from that group. And he’s pretty cool. Most of the time.
As a Buddhist, I could not take the life of a sentient being. But, I know, deep inside, I could have decked this little creep. Even though he was a foot taller and out-weighed me.
I figured only a Wuss would come into a sauna wearing all of his clothes, drinking from a bottle while real men were sweating it out with only a towel to hide their private parts. He was “fully clothed.” Wearing sneakers, for Christ’ sake. Who taught him this? A sauna is a place to let impurities come to the surface and exit the body. You sweat up a storm. Spend 15 minutes in meditation, trying your best not to wipe your brow or shake a drip or two from your nose.
The guy left the sauna before any further action was needed. I spent another two to three minutes in silence with a fellow in his 40s. Now, he knew what life was all about.