Mr. Nice Guy wins, but loses in the end

I’ve had to push you from my mind, to save my mind. Get you out of my Life to live my Life.

How was it possible you got through the door? Did I open it . . . open myself to you? How could you ever be happy with just the few moments we’d share? Smiling. Laughing like we were bonded by close family ties, closer than any brother or sister, when all you wanted was a bond to tie your family closer. At the holidays. For Thanksgiving. Christmas dinner.

We’d speak one heart to another. No filter between us. We needed not words of love nor hope for a future. But, something more pressing: our fears of who we were becoming in the moment, and what we would be like some next Life by not being honest with ourselves today. Not honest with our emotions, our dreams.

Did I seek too much? Read too much of something that was never there in the first place? Let my need for a true friend scare off someone more comfortable with just a mere passing acquaintance?

I shut you down, before trying to win you over. Could it be that I should have fought harder? Pushed for attention? Pulled you close during your period of vulnerability? Take advantage. Strike at delicate moment or two? Instead, I chose the more honorable route, the so-called “high road” and walked you up the hill, when what I really wanted was to carry you into the valley below.

Damn it. Can someone please tell me. Why does being nice have to hurt so much?

 

10 comments on “Mr. Nice Guy wins, but loses in the end

  1. […]  Related Links:Nice Guys: How To Tell The Difference Broke-Ass Stuart's Goddamn …Mr. Nice Guy wins, but loses in the end ContoverosNah Right The Niceguys It's Like ThatThe Niceguys Good Shepherd (MP3) Niceguys, Shepherd, Good […]

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  2. carmenlezeth says:

    Hmmm…

    I think it’s hard to understand or admit that maybe you’re perception of being nice and loving can sometimes come across to another as uncomfortable or invading. There’s nothing you can do about it — you’ve done nothing wrong, but unfortunately (or fortunately) we all come to this life with different experiences, and what you may percieve as being nice may infact be a different reality for someone else. I believe the only thing you can do is continue being who you are — and invest not in what others make you feel like, but instead in what you feel when you love and are kind to others. Isn’t that all you can do?

    Sorry you felt such hurt Michael…

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    • contoveros says:

      ” . . .being who you are — and invest not in what others make you feel like, but instead in what you feel when you love and are kind to others . . .”

      What a great way to live. What a great way to look at Life.

      Thank you Carmen. You can only be yourself. And that’s usually good for all concerned.

      michael j

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  3. ellocogringo says:

    Hi Mr M
    But to hurt is to have feelings. And so is joy. You can have both, or neither. I have been blessed/cursed with a gift/burden that allows me to see the beauty/ugliness of the world in all it’s splendor/depravity.
    Or………………….not. that’s the choice.
    Just like that 3 day old potato salad you ate, this too shall pass
    walt

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    • contoveros says:

      But “oh the pain” during those days before passing.

      It’s what makes Life worth living as a Greek. The high ups and the low downs. To hell with having an even keel!

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  4. Helen says:

    Michael j,
    This post touched my heart. Everyone makes his or her own choice all the time.
    To be nice… For whom? What is better: to be “nice” or follow your heart? To seem nice or to be who you are? To lie or to be honest? Are we honest to others when we lie to ourselves? If we hurt ourselves, how can we love others?
    I see so many lost nice guys which have completely forgotten who they are in attempts to be nice.
    Helen.

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    • contoveros says:

      Helen,

      A nice guy can be content with giving, with bestowing good toward another.

      I have a problem when I find a desire making me want to take more, to be a “receiver” when my overriding intent is to aid in the Life of another.

      michael j

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  5. Good questions – I can’t answer any of them but I know how it feels to ask every single one of them over and over – and over again.

    *hug*

    Please don’t hurt longer than you have to Michael – we need nice guys, they are rare.

    Love,
    L.

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