Why is it that I find myself sticking my foot into my mouth everytime something good comes my way? Why do I screw things up so badly? What curse have I created in some past life for me to resolve through some kind of karmic debt that I must repay in this lifetime?
A friend recently told me that I had no boundaries. She’s right. I need to work on building walls and trenches to prevent myself from encroaching on other persons private spaces, their vulnerable personages that they expose to me when befriending me. I mean no harm, but harm comes about, and I feel their hurt when they point out how senseless and unskillful my speech, my act or my thought has caused them.
It is then that I want to run away, never to face them ever again for the shame that I self-inflicted upon poor little old me. Yes, I turn and run away like the cowardly lion who professes bravery in the face of adversity, but pees himself in the forest when seeing a dormouse beneath a tree.
I am deeply sorry for having offended thee, my dear. Please forgive me. I am a schmuck who often needs to be hit upside the head to learn to control his actions even when he thinks they are for the good. Compassion without wisdom can do just as much harm as the wisest man who never learned the creative art of compassion.
There, I feel better now. An act of contrition is what refreshes me everytime. It tends to clean the air, to purify the toxins that I attract as a magnet through daily living. I am so happy to have met (re-united with?) you to employ you as my confessor. I couldn’t have picked a more delightful and loving one as you. I really mean that!
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
So often, I too wish that I could retract my words or actions. That we can not is an unfortunate part of being human.
I got forgiveness. But I wouldn’t recommend anyone having to go through what I did in the first place. Nice to see you dear. You know about retracting words. It’s not like writing a story with a chance to edit out mistakes.
So very true!