Contoveros reveals his dark hiding place

You’ll never find me here. I learned years ago that I could hide away from you whenever I feel you’re looking too closely at me or expecting me to act a certain way that I really don’t want to act, to speak, or to even think.

I raise a shield that I’ve worked on since I was a child. I let it cover me from head to foot, hiding the hurt I feel, the embarrassment, and the shame. It’s all here inside of me. But no one sees it. Not unless or until I feel safe enough to take off the mask and reveal – just a little bit – of who I really am and what I really care about.

You see, I’m afraid most of the times. When I leave the house and get into the car and go someplace, I take on the role of someone I believe others would respect or not bother with or possibly even fear.

darkness.jpg

I’m safe here. No one will ever see the real me ever again, so help me God!

I can take on any of those roles because I got good at it as a kid and developed different personas to show in an effort to shelter myself from any additional harm.

No, I don’t see myself as a coward. I see myself as someone safe within himself, afraid of ever being humiliated or disliked from showing his true colors. I don’t think you would like the real me. That’s why I show you the “pretend me.”

Offer me a little bit of  love and maybe I’ll let you see a little bit more of that frightened kid that is inside. He offers his love to you and really doesn’t want much in return except for some understanding and appreciation for a schmuck like him who wants solitude above all else. The safety of solitude the “aloneness” of solitude and the love from deep within.

(Prompt provided by “Just Write of Collegeville.” Darkness provided by me.)

 

 

6 comments on “Contoveros reveals his dark hiding place

  1. souldipper says:

    The antidote for alone-ness is intimacy. Thank you for the company tonight! ❤

    • contoveros says:

      Intimacy nowadays is provided by my cat. I know that she loves me and purrs her affection for me whether I deserve it or not. It’s so great to have such loving pets. And friends like you!

  2. Rebecca Goff says:

    Oh, does this explain your absence from WON Tuesday nite! Miss Ya Buddha…. R🙏🌟✨

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • contoveros says:

      You know, I didn’t think about it until you mentioned it.

      I will try my best to come to the WON Temple soon and see your shining face. You can enlighten anyone with your vibrations and beautiful smile!

  3. Oh, bravo, Michael J. Pure BRAVO! The vulnerability is beautiful. You are indeed, honest, but really not so alone, my friend. I love you, regardless. ❤

    • contoveros says:

      The prompt was to write about a place you can hide.

      I went inside and found a nice corner in the rich darkness of my psyche.

      Michael J

      I learned that you can’t stay there for too long. You need the light of day to help you see others more clearly!

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