The biggest lie you ever told was that you could say something about sexual orientation and not hurt someone whose way of life might be different from yours. You said you lied when you told an ex-girlfriend that you were gay to avoid having sex with someone you were not ready to have a long-term commitment.
You treated homosexuality as if it was a bad thing. Probably because of the way your were raised, and the fights you got in to prove how “macho” you were and that there were no feminine traits in your make-up.
Ha! We are male and female alike, you dummy. Some of the things you love in life are considered by Western standards as feminine. Love itself, the longing and the yearning to be with a Love is not deemed as a strength, a he-man quality, but the soft, gentle caring from your better side, yes, the feminine side.
No, you’re not gay. And you can say “not that there’s anything wrong with it,” and believe you covered yourself. That you haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings. But, what if you were? What if you lived life outside as a woman, but inside as a man? Or the opposite?
What would be your biggest lie? That you did not have feelings for someone of the same-sex? Your whole life would be a lie, feeling you had to please your parents and date at a certain age, or find the right “girl” to go with you to the prom.
Or even marry because you remained confused and unaccepting of who your really are due mostly to what your small society, the community in which you were raised, dictated you follow such a path, such a way of life?
What would Buddha do if he found himself in this predicament? Well, he never would have written about Peggy McPeake in the first place. And you know he would have been straight with her and simply told her he enjoyed her company, but was too hurt from a broken marriage to think of entering another one so soon with a person he loved as a child, but really did not know some 10 to 12 years later. A young woman who didn’t know the type of man you had become. Or failed to become.
What if the Buddha had done the above before he was enlightened? Before taking his vows? Before realizing the Middle Path was the best path to stay in the state of Nirvana?
Perhaps, he would have said that his intent was good, but he lacked the true wisdom to see how his speech was not right, but wrong. That it harmed someone, that hurting even one person was one person too many to cause a suffering in a world you hope to ease the suffering for everyone.
Ask for forgiveness, strive for good merits and try to walk in the light more, Michael. That’s the best way to seek enlightenment.
Bow, move on, and try to keep your head out of your butt next time.”