I’m heartily sorry for having offended Thee

“Michael J,

The biggest lie you ever told was that you could say something about sexual orientation and not hurt someone whose way of life might be different from yours. You said you lied when you told an ex-girlfriend that you were gay to avoid having sex with someone you were not ready to have a long-term commitment.

You treated homosexuality as if it was a bad thing. Probably because of the way your were raised, and the fights you got in to prove how “macho” you were and that there were no feminine traits in your make-up.

Ha! We are male and female alike, you dummy. Some of the things you love in life are considered by Western standards as feminine. Love itself, the longing and the yearning to be with a Love is not deemed as a strength, a he-man quality, but the soft, gentle caring from your better side, yes, the feminine side.

No, you’re not gay. And you can say “not that there’s anything wrong with it,” and believe you covered yourself. That you haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings. But, what if you were? What if you lived life outside as a woman, but inside as a man? Or the opposite?

What would be your biggest lie? That you did not have feelings for someone of the same-sex? Your whole life would be a lie, feeling you had to please your parents and date at a certain age, or find the right “girl” to go with you to the prom.

Or even marry because you remained confused and unaccepting of who your really are due mostly to what your small society, the community in which you were raised, dictated you follow such a path, such a way of life?

What would Buddha do if he found himself in this predicament? Well, he never would have written about Peggy McPeake in the first place. And you know he would have been straight with her and simply told her he enjoyed her company, but was too hurt from a broken marriage to think of entering another one so soon with a person he loved as a child, but really did not know some 10 to 12 years later. A young woman who didn’t know the type of man you had become. Or failed to become.

What if the Buddha had done the above before he was enlightened? Before taking his vows? Before realizing the Middle Path was the best path to stay in the state of Nirvana?

Perhaps, he would have said that his intent was good, but he lacked the true wisdom to see how his speech was not right, but wrong. That it harmed someone, that hurting even one person was one person too many to cause a suffering in a world you hope to ease the suffering for everyone.

Ask for forgiveness, strive for good merits and try to walk in the light more, Michael. That’s the best way to seek enlightenment.

Bow, move on, and try to keep your head out of your butt next time.”

(Mea Culpa provided for: Going back home)

8 comments on “I’m heartily sorry for having offended Thee

  1. […] You created a fiction about yourself. Your fingertips went to work on the boy inside when you told her the reason you didn’t go to bed with her was because you were gay. (See: My Mixed Metaphors) […]

  2. Athena Grace says:

    Michael? Who are you asking forgiveness from? From my cosmic vantage point, I suggest that YOU are the only bearer of forgivness! This is great news= instant gratification!!! (the question is, does this woman have her head up her ass???…) (sometimes. but she still knows a few cool things about love and life)

    • contoveros says:

      I felt my words caused pain when someone commented: “. . .You’ve let your Fundamental Darkness hurt a dear friend of mine . . .”

      Hell, I didn’t know my article about telling a lie would create such a reaction. I guess they saw me as someone insensitive to their way of life. And that was the furthest thing from my mind when I wrote the post.

      I then dined with a woman, told her this story, and felt I had put my foot in my mouth when she told me she was gay. I love this person, and I would never try to hurt her or her feelings.

      That’s when it dawned on me that I may have judged one way of life “better” than another, and unintentionally added to the suffering of another.

      To paraphrase my good friend, M.L., I felt like crap having dished out what someone else felt like bullcrap. That’s how this mea culpa arises.

  3. P.S. Oh – and I get that this is one of those ‘inner monologue’ type of things.

    I have a self I use for good advice and she often reminds me when I have done a ‘bad’ and need to be brought to task for it.

    Made me smile to read this for the main reason that she often reminds me rather firmly to take my head out of my ass so I can see properly…

    Just thought I would share that.

    M.L.

  4. …*ouch*

    I – uh – wouldn’t have put it that way myself…

    If someone had pointed something like this out to me and asked me to read something ‘their way’ and to think about it again from a different perspective – I can only hope I would have had the courage to post it and take my lumps the way you just did Michael.

    Thanks for the gesture and thank you to the commenter for reminding me that we all come from the same place as human beings before our external/physical gender is assigned.

    M.L.

    P.S. Sometimes we say shit – and in so doing inadvertently make people FEEL like shit in return.

    I know alot about shit Michael but the best thing I have learned about it in all the years I have been dishing it out or having it heaped on me is that, if you do the right stuff with it, it grows great flowers.

    *passes you a daisy*

    Peace, out.

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