It’s time for my disappearing act to begin. I close my eyes, wave an imaginary magic wand, and slowly begin to vanish from existence here. All thoughts and fears come to an end as I find protection beneath a cloak of invisibility, safe from the savages outside and the demons within.
I don’t know which I need to escape from more: the chores and responsibilities of daily life or the sense of failure and guilt I get in not immediately dealing with them. But escape I do, twice a day if I’m lucky. I leave the first thing in morning just before facing the day’s challenges. Who needs to “hit the ground” running as they taught us in jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. You can escape from the plane above and float on surrounding clouds by the force of your own will. You can armor yourself before doing battle on the ground below.
Meditate. Withdraw from the world around you by going to a more peaceful one inside. You won’t find the calm and rest upon first entering. You’ll need to wade through a jungle of competing thoughts and desires, all trying to dominate at once. The thoughts come from our past, creating worries for the future. Desires and fears come from attachments we’ve grown used to and are unable to easily break away from.
Be gone, you illusions of the mind. You exist only because of lack of control over you. I feed on you because I am so used to believing I cannot live without you. But I can, and each time I bring you to heel, I realize such “self-control” is needed for me to truly live. All thoughts, even the “good” ones, need to dissipate. Let them go, I instruct myself. Watch them glide by as clouds passing on a windy day. Don’t cling to any. Don’t fix on any.
My escape is aided when I humble myself and ask forgiveness in needing such a withdrawal in first place. I “lower” myself, realizing I need a power that is so far above me; that the only way I could relate to and seek its help would be through bowing to its immense greatness — a gentle greatness — that those with the slightest bit of pride would find difficult to find.
It is at that moment when I become “small” that I start to enlarge and be transformed into something far greater than myself. I travel to another place, another plane where I am one with the air and the energy all around me. I need nothing. I want nothing. I am nothing.
And then reappear.
I’m refreshed. I’m revitalized. I’m renewed.
I’m me again!