I’m so scared because I don’t know what to do, nor who to turn to. Flashes of insights, intuition and a “knowing” that borders on the psychic has arisen in me and I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.
I could blame it on angels. I had walked a “Long Dance’ just the night before I asked two women, both of whom I believed to be strangers, if they could interpret what a depiction of an angel was holding in her hand. (I had placed the angel on a banner to show what my future might hold.) You could tell the angel held a wreath in the one hand — the one where her arm extended in a gesture awarding someone an accolade. But I could not tell what the un-raised hand held at her side. “Is it a banana peel?” I asked. “Maybe a boomerang?”
The first woman, an art therapist, could not tell me, and I jokingly said to the other woman, that I should ask for my money back for her “art counseling.” That woman was an artist, who also offered no answer, but immediately spoke to the other, saying: “Are you a therapist? My best friend (So & So Hopkins) works in that field.” [Fake name partially added.]
“She was my supervisor,” the therapist said in genuine surprise. “I’ve been trying to contact her for some time now.”
OK, I agree, this is not so crazy. Call it a “synchronicity,” the term the great psychologist Carl Gustav Jung coined for something we all know is really not a coincidence.
Two days later, however, a woman in a church pew was asking those of us in attendance to pray for a friend for some debilitating illness where she would need a transplant. A full second before she announced the name of the woman, I was mouthing it to myself: “Maria.”
“Holy Crapoli,” I added to no one in particular after realizing what I had just said. I was with a bunch of Buddhist students seeking enlightenment through prayer and a teacher. I didn’t consider my involuntary excited utterance to be considered “right speech” in Sanskrit terms, so I kept it to myself.
I did mention Maria’s name to one student following what’s known as a “dharma” talk or instruction. The student, another woman who was a complete stranger, called my prior knowledge “psychic.” I suggested the word “clairvoyant,” a term Buddhist use. She confided that two people had just recently told her that she was “psychic.” I didn’t pursue it further, but discussed with her a question she raised during services about the “Tibetan Book of the Dead.” Not everything dies, she was told. Awareness remains. “Awareness lives on.”
Having read the book as a teenager, I recalled that this “awareness” enters a state of consciousness called the “Bardo,” a transitional place between death and rebirth, where one who failed to achieve enlightenment as a human would remain for 49 days until a rebirth for, among other things, “karmic adjustments” [my words].
I explained this to her, but forgot to mention that it wasn’t just the Buddhists and Hindus that accepted reincarnation, but also the Kabbalists, the Mystic Jews, who believe that we will all return in a new life, unless we have “corrected” all things that prevent us from permanently “clinging” to the Creator. We will reincarnate in the same sexual form – man or woman – and retain the spiritual level we achieved in our previous incarnations.
“Christians taught this belief,” I said, and she nodded, stating she read this in the Book of the Dead. The Gnostic Christians believed the soul had existed before one’s lifetime. They also saw Jesus not so much as a God, but as a guide, a man who achieved perfection and whose life could be emulated by others. (Sounds like the Buddha, the prophet Mohammed and/or a Moses to me.) This was labeled as “heresy” in the Year 553 by some Council of the Catholic Church, I believe it was the Second Council of Constantinople.
The third event that sent shivers through me occurred just last night. A woman – yes, another stranger, one of whom I had only “met” through Internet messaging — publicly sent what I call a “feel good” quote over the Net for a quick spiritual uplift. It read:
“Don’t believe everything you think.”
I provided the following, which I copied verbatim from the Ram Dass – Be Here Now Satsang:
Yesterday 9:02 PM
I thought this exact thing last night and approached a Buddhist teacher at a WON Temple in Glenside, PA, and said this to her: I said that I did not want to believe everything I thought.
This is . . . wonderful. It is the second time in 24 hours that I experienced something so incredible. I can only call it mystical.
Looking back with my new insight, I see it was the third thing of a “psychic” nature happening to me and in my life.
The more I thought about it, the more freaky it started to feel, if you know what I mean. The word “freaky,” that is. I think it’s a legal term used right before someone is labeled a “loony.”
Who do I talk to about this? Where to I seek help? What is to become of me now?