Yearning for you grows with each touch

What is a monk to do when he is lonely? When he is blue?

When you reach that low point where you feel you are the loneliest person in the world, who or what do you turn to for relieve?

The Dalai Lama says “Don’t scratch the itch.” Better still, he cautions, “Don’t have the itch in the first place.” I paraphrase His Holiness’ words, but not their meaning.* Don’t have the itch in the first place.

That may be easy for a virgin entering monastic life as an adolescent. But what do you tell a grown man or woman who had not entered their spiritual path until experiencing the warmth, comfort and love in the arms of truly caring and compassionate mate? Something so good could not be so bad. Even years later when one has only a dim memory of giving one self completely to another so that both could share the ecstasy that Buddhist say comes only upon death — and in sexual union! It can be an out-of-body experience that unites, shattering the dualistic mind, if only for a second or for a lifetime.

Should I give up this yearning for the mere touch of another? Should I mark it up as just another depravity on my part, a defilement that my mind causes in my dreams and my waking hours?

Why has such an overwhelming sense of sexuality come over me as I draw nearer and nearer to spirituality?

Take on a consort, Michael J. Didn’t Buddha have a wife and child? Didn’t Shakyamuni Buddha, or Siddhartha, take a Dakini on as a consort in one of his many incarnations?Buddha-Shakti

Who, then, are those lovely women I see sitting on a knee of a Buddha? And what can a bodhisattva do when a woman wraps her most intimate parts around his most private ones in those paintings that suggest Nirvana can be reached through some tantric practice with an able and willing partner?

Forgive me for still being human. I dreamed I felt the warmth of another as we rode an escalator together and our shoulders came into contact immediately. The contact remained throughout the time it took to scale the short distance. The warmth from the touch lasted for what seemed like forever. I never wanted the ride to end, for the shoulder to be removed. I could have died and be happy right then and there.

I awoke and felt compelled to plea my case to the universe, hoping I’d get the answer my soul can live with. Break it to me gently, please.

I’ll return to my cave after the verdict.

* * * *

*(If one is itchy, then one       scratches himself.
Better than any number of scratches
However, is when one does not itch at all.

— His Holiness the Dalai Lama quoting Nargajuna, the Indian scholar, with a three-line thought on the question of erotic love.

8 comments on “Yearning for you grows with each touch

  1. Chico says:

    Reblogged this on A Way in the Woods.


  2. Beechmount says:

    Loneliness is a state of mind-thus you are in control of it if you can connect with it. I know, I can.


  3. Tanjagus says:

    Michael, Another thought came to me as often happens after my mind has a chance to hone in on a main point that is niggling at my subconscious. Have you decided to be a monk? Have you decided to take the vow of chastity? I ask because it strikes me that in your writing you are comparing yourself to the behavior of one that has taken the vows of living in a monastery. If you are not a monk then why are you struggling with developing a close bond with another person? I could be naive about all of this and no doubt I am, but it strikes me that you are struggling with fully living in this life. You don’t have to cast aside spirituality because you have a partner. On the other hand, you may decide to enter a monastic lifestyle to completely dedicate every minute toward your spiritual path. You might think about it this way, both paths can encompass spiritual growth. One does not negate the other. The quote from H.H. The Dalai Lama, “don’t scratch the itch” can be taken out of context. In training the mind when meditating, you wouldn’t visualize sitting in union with a person you know because that particular tantric meditation is meant to represent the union of wisdom with method. The visualization is therefore represented by those that have attained enlightenment through the method of the middle way path and wisdom. I caution mixing tantric practice in this discussion because there is much that is misunderstood about that topic and one needs to be fully educated on the concepts and foundation of tantric yoga in order to understand the meaning. i guess if i could give any reassurance to you i’d say, be easy on yourself. i hope you find peace and bliss in your quest.



    • contoveros says:

      Now you tell me. Hell, I’m no monk and I never planned to be one, but damn it, why does sexuality become greater and greater the more I fill with spirituality?

      It’s almost as if there is some sort of balancing force in the universe. This guy’s getting too close to god, let’s send him a wet dream and see how he handles himself in the morning. What guy is not going to — at least– dream about the encounter, no matter what age, creed, race or religion?

      I’m only human. And I’m a guy who wants to do the right thing without hurting anyone, discretion, of course, always being the better part of valor.


  4. Tanjagus says:


    When I read your post, it strikes me that you are so alive! You hit the nail on the head when you said you are human. As humans, we need contact with each other. Wishing for a special person to share this life and all the emotional and spiritual moments together is perfectly normal. It sounds like you are struggling with yourself on making a decision. Sit and know thyself and you will find the answer.

    Much love, Tanja


    • contoveros says:

      It’s a struggle I shared with my psychologist who advised me to say I didn’t know what to say to the “tension” you detected around me. I wonder what the Dalai Lama’s shrink might tell me to do?

      Do it?

      But only with love and compassion!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.