“Use me” I cried out to the Universe when visualizing myself spread out on a cross while meditating with a small group in the Chestnut Hill section of Philadelphia.
I had learned to meditate at the VA Hospital in Coatesville a few months earlier and got hooked up with a Zen teacher who conducted a weekly guided meditation each Monday morning. I had been on disability for a few months and had not worked since May 2008. Meditating was needed for the PTSD that cropped up years earlier when fighting in the courts of Philadelphia as a public defender and as a caregiver for my wife who suffered a traumatic brain injury forcing me to become her principal caregiver. Both led to a major turning point in my life where I started a spiritual journey. I never thought that the Vietnam War would provide me with such an opportunity decades later.
I sat across from a tiny Italian woman who confided in me that she believed in angels. When we mediated in a small group of five or six people, I started to see her as an angel – one full of love and mercy. It was during that time that I felt I was nailed to the cross telling God to use me in any way He sought fit.
Love worked its way through me and in me and of me. I felt my vessel was much too small to contain such an immense volume of love, so I poured out all the extra love into the cosmos, giving it away to any and all creatures who had not received their fair share of love that day, that year. I wanted nothing more than to relieve their hurt and contribute to their well-being.
It was the second time in my life that I felt the Presence of the Almighty. I have felt bits and pieces of it when I meditate and focus on unconditional love and I am grateful to be a conduit of sorts to share this feeling with others.
It is one of the reasons that I started to write this Blog . . .
I believe all people need to feel such love. All they need do is to want for nothing more than for everyone to be happy and content with what they have in the present moment. Love unconditionally for the greater good of all.