Patty DeMarco made me cry. He called me names and wouldn’t stop as I tried to walk away, with him following me on the North Philadelphia street we lived. On and on he went, badmouthing me, until he saw my brother, who helped me into his little red wagon, and pulled it home, me sobbing all the while behind. I was four years old.
Category Archives: PTSD
Joy Found in Everyday ‘Common’ Ground
Part III in totem series (Hawk, tiger & sparrow)
There’s nothing quite as common as a cracker, one of those Saltines, that is . . .
Stop the presses, stop depression, stop!
Stop! Don’t tell me anymore. Don’t want to hear it.
Keep the news to yourself. It hurts me, it’s always bad.
Meditation time is right in this moment
Driving while stuck in a traffic jam ordinarily would not be the best place to practice mindfulness meditation. I found out today while rushing to a doctor’s appointment, it was the “only” way to travel.
Blog Post Mistakenly Published Twice in a Row!
Meditation time is right in this moment
Driving while stuck in a traffic jam ordinarily would not be the best place to practice mindfulness meditation. I found out today while rushing to a doctor’s appointment, it was the “only” way to travel.
Yucky moment leads to ease of suffering
Ever have one of those “yucky” moments? Like, when you put your hand in a box, feeling around for some specific item only to come upon something gooey, wet and, of course “yucky.”
Crazy to think suffering could ever help
‘Letting go’ provides a better ‘vision’ in life
Psychedelic green bursts of light pulse across my eye. It’s like a strobe light flashing over and over, as I “see” a colorful cascade of a lime green pigment appear before me as if it’s penetrating the eyeball itself.
My ‘Right Speech’ May Have Wronged You
You did it again, Michael.
Veterans’ PTSD helped at Omega lands
Pictures, statues and other works of art often capture the beauty of the soul as people seek peace and love through different spiritual paths. Omega Institute provided all of that for a group of US veterans at a retreat this past Fall. Below are a few photos that may have captured the spirit of meditation, and that is, “Being in the Moment.”
Mindfulness Awareness Grows at Omega institute off Hudson River
I have no idea who this couple was, as I shot them resting on a bench looking at two others in the boat sailing past them. Our PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) group, at the Omega Institute for a 5-day workshop of intense meditation, conducted a ceremony on the shore of the lake when I snuck away and saw the Autumn waterway watchers.
Meditation Quilt, dining room, Omega Institute
This quilt was one of four hanging from rafters in the dining hall. Each “patch” measured 12-by-12 inches and depicted various spiritual symbols.
“Sanctuary Bell”, at the top of Omega Institute
I left the group to seek solitude in the “Sanctuary” at the top of the hill overlooking the grounds of the retreat in the Hudson River valley some 100 miles outside of New York City. This bell symbolized the “calling” many of us received and responded to while here. Grateful that some still lingers.
Balancing Rocks, Omega “Sanctuary”
A small pond held many wonders if one simply took time to see. Look at this rock formation. What a balance. You and nature. You and the Self within.
USA Veteran PTSD “Enlightenment”
The Rev. Claude AnShin Thomas, an ordained Buddhist monk, sets fire to messages that veterans wrote, hoping to “detach” themselves from an activity that triggers their PTSD. The group met on the shores of the Omega Institute lake, forming a circle around the former infantryman who years later studied Buddhism in Vietnam, and returned to America to help PTSD sufferers world-wide.
Buddhist Monk performing a ceremony
Letting go. One attachment by another. Step by step. Day by day. All burning away until possibly reaching “Nirvana,” which literally means “extinguishing” or “blowing out” all the fires of desire.
Buddhist Altar, PTSD Retreat
Meditation started at 7 a.m. and continued through 9 p.m. with silence the entire day, even at mealtime. The silence was most welcome while seated in the hall with 50 veterans, some family members and friends all seeking healing from war and its aftermath.
Idols of all shapes and sizes greeted us at the Omega Institute October 25, 2009. The one of the Elephant deity Genesha was one of my favorites. The more than 3-foot-tall statue greeted all to the sauna who were seeking relaxation and a little detoxification.
For more photos, see Love found ‘idol-Ing’ at Omega Institute
For stories on Omega Institute see below:
For Story on “Idols” see: No American Idols portrayed in my home
Women Know the Help Boys Need in War
1917 – “Through a Glass Darkly” Continue reading
Gratitude Given Freely Can Grow on You
Want to feel good? Pick out five things each day to show your gratitude. Write ’em down. But, don’t try to fake it. You really gotta look for some thing in your life, some person, some reason that, deep down inside, you can say “makes me grateful.”
That’s a message I got from a fellow named Bill Stauffer who addressed a group of like-minded people who were seeking some spiritual insights this morning. Continue reading
Saigon lady serves up smile & forgiveness
You never know when Fate will offer a blessing in disguise.
Saw an Asian woman handling the checkout at a nearby Target store and joked with her about a gift I was getting for my son’s birthday three months from today. It was a holiday box with no writing on it, nothing to suggest it was from Xmas.
A Mouse Senses Freedom Thru Meditation
I watch the mouse scamper across the dining room rug as I take my eyes off the computer screen in the living room. Here, life is calling out to me in the quiet of my house. A living critter has the guts to come out in broad daylight, look me dead in the eye, and feel no fear from me, a being so much larger and possibly more ferocious than himself.
Meditation lets my energy flow from within
Part II, Continued from On road to Peace, I found some “Bhuddies”
How Do I Meditate? Continue reading
On road to Peace, I found some “Bhuddies”
For the first time in my life, I attended a Buddhist gathering knowing that I wanted to learn more about meditation and the teachings about compassion and loving kindness.
Why We Want No More War Anniversaries
War is good for no one.
No one is good for war.
PTSD Anquish Served up at Bread Store
Unappreciated . . . Unwanted . . . Unloved . . .
Terrorists force VA to strip vet of dignity
The Terrorists Won.
They pushed my face into the dirt. Made me low crawl through those metal detectors. Violated me like no prison incarceration could ever have make me feel.
Continue reading
Finally, Light Shines on My Mutiny Quash
I lied to my platoon to prevent a Mutiny from bursting to a head some 40 years ago.
Today, I granted myself forgiveness. I cleansed a wound that never seemed to heal until now.
Finally, Light Shines on My Mutiny Quash
I lied to my platoon to prevent a mutiny from bursting to a head some 40 years ago.
Healing Technique Sparks Family Fall Out
“Unclean spirits!” The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Across my face.
Besides being rejected, I felt lightning had just stuck the ground beneath me. I detected fear and the raising of a drawbridge that would block out all light, no matter where the Source originated.
PTSD Raises a Monster Head from a Toilet
Put a straitjacket on me.
Hide me in a padded room.
Get me away from people.
All those I can harm by PTSD.
PTSD therapy often comes from survivors
War Zone Fears Not Easily Discussed by Veterans
“Opening up” to a stranger is, at best, difficult to do. Confiding your “war zone” fears with a non-veteran can be worse, unless PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) serves as a bond between a brother and a sister.
Will Vietnam PTSD trap ever set me free?
What do anger, dreams, PTSD, and “Letting Go“ of one’s past have to do with each other? They’re all part of a discussion on vetting our emotions through dreams to deal with our conscious selves. Join me and another Michael J in our recent comments to his post: Practicing for the Bardo by Urbansannyasin
Continue readingDresden calls Kurt Vonnegut Jr. to Blog
Margo lived through the bombing of Dresden, Germany more than 60 years ago.
She wants to write about some of her experiences, and I hope she gives us a glimpse of that harrowing experience when war failed to distinguish between the good guys and the bad guys.
Continue readingDespite Road Rage, Light Shines on PTSD
Unable to curb my road rage today, I finally grasped a thread of my PTSD and traced it back to its source.
I Wish I Could Use This Action Whenever PTSD Arises
Continue reading‘One Step Back’ leads to ‘Two Forward’
Advising Another Can be a Learning for You
Ever learn about yourself while giving heartfelt advice to someone else?
My kid served as a mirror this morning, as I discussed why he should not quit on his “tech” teacher at school.
It ain’t easy admitting that you, the parent, may need the same sage advice as the child. Worse yet, is trying to reason with a 17-year-old. They are so smart, they know practically everything to know in this world.
Three Positives Trump Anger Every Time
Anger — 2 comments by kaeis
(The following is my comment to a post simply titled, “Anger.”)
You Want Anger?
Trying to Make Amends for Vietnam War
How do you say you’re sorry to a people whose country you bombed in the name of peace and democracy?
What words can you use after saying that you are personally sorry for the Vietnam War and the mistakes our government made some 40 years ago?
Continue readingSafe Place Still No Guard Against PTSD
My Correspondence with a Woman with PTSD
You got it Sweetheart!
PTSD is what this Vietnam War veteran is talking about.
When Is Using God’s Name Blasphemy?
God damn it. I forgot the lead I wanted to write here.
It was on the tip of my tongue (pen, key board key, etc.), and Christ, I lost it.
Continue readingRelease Me; I Swear I’ll Never Sin Again
Hey. Please get me out of here.
How the hell did I end up here, this empty place where no one can see me, touch me, or, more importantly, hear me?
Why am I locked up, away from the world outside this jar-like existence. Who did I piss off? What was my grievous sin?
Identity Loss Leads to New Outlook on Life
I lost my wallet.
And found a new freedom that only the loss of identity could possibly grant me.
Continue reading— Who’s to Blame For War After War? —
I Blame God for War.
I blame the Most Powerful Force in the Universe for not using its Almighty Abilities to stop war dead in its tracks.
— Some Wounds May Never Ever Heal —
The Vietnam War changed Joe.
It stripped him of all interest in leading people in any official capacity.
Forever.
— Why Must This Path Purt So Much? —
Pain: What Good Is It?
Sometimes, it works. But sometimes it tears into my psyche, bringing with it a fear that this discomfort, this thorn will continue to haunt me, raising its head more and more as I feel the aging process more keenly and with it, an unwanted sense of my mortality, my deterioration and the inevitable end that I will someday meet. When the pain increases and I can’t steer my mind away from it, I know deep inside that the end is not so very far away!
“Thank you” for letting me serve, somehow
- Ever get more out of doing something nice for someone than that person ever expected you could possibly get?
“Don’t like this love…(crap)” she told me!
“I don’t like this love shit,” a woman I was about to meditate with whispered to me while in the circle of our six-person meditation “community.”
Veterans find joy in their own backyards
You can’t know how much pleasure there is in feeding a squirrel until you open yourself to the wonders of nature . . . and of course . . . feed a squirrel . . . daily.
Dream reveals a key to unlocking Paradise
I dreamed I wore a dress to a training class for new lawyers learning to defend criminal defendants. No one noticed my garb. None of the other attorneys said anything, and I never felt “different” or out of place as a brand-new public defender awaiting to argue his first case in Court.
But when I left the room and took a break, a supervisor removed the dress as he and others tried to run off with what they said was “inappropriate” clothing for a man’s courtroom appearance.
Serving others helps to serve you as well
The purpose of Life is to know, love, and serve the Creator.
But how do you serve an All-Giving Entity?
I believe that “to Serve the Creator is to Serve Humanity”
What’s Love Got To Do with My PTSD?
Love can Help You Deal with PTSD
What’s Love got to do with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)?
The feelings they generate stem from that same Core within, at least, the same Core within me.
Angels Appear as Earthly Messengers
It’s just like heaven . . . Being here with you . . . You’re like an Angel . . Too good to be true. When You are near me. My heart skips a beat. I can hardly stand on. My own two feet. Because I Love You; I Love You, I Do. ‘Angel Baby’. My ‘Angel Baby’. Oh, Ooh, I Love You, Oh, Ooh, I Do . . . No One Could Love You . . . Like I Do!
Contoveros 