Felt I was back in war maneuvering through a mine field called the new educational system yesterday.
Continue readingCategory Archives: anger
Spiritual wars should end at a dinner table
Psalm 46:
9 — He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10 — Be still and know that I am God.
Looking for Self among all the wrong cards
Who am I? Am I this body, this mind, this soul? Perhaps, all three?
Won’t let go until animal instinct tells me to
My jaws clamp down, insuring I won’t let go of what I just uncovered. It’s taken me for what seems forever to get my teeth around it, and I won’t give up without a fight. Even if I get kicked. Again. Square in the face where it hurts, but I’ll get over it.
I delete persons withholding ID from me
Unknown Writer Gets Kicked Out of My Mail
Revenge could change, once ‘you’ change
Never thought “revenge“ had anything good to say about itself. It’s a negative trait. Falls in with Anger, Rage and “getting even.”
Don Quixote battles PTSD in Philly courts
I never felt more like Don Quixote than when I represented a woman charged with a crime.
War stories penetrate a family gathering
The knife “broke skin” and went an inch into my back.
I felt the pain all the way to the emergency room, believing the knife was still lodged there. I could not tell . . . I dare not turn to try to see or touch it.
Freedom of Religion depends on religion
Read some comments attacking the Dalai Lama on someone’s Blog which championed freedom of religion on its website.
Noticed it also pushed for a vote against gay marriage in California.
Blogging creates craving when ‘Net’s down
I’m hooked. Couldn’t go an hour without needing a “fix.” I wonder how many others this phenomena effects? And how dangerous this addiction could be to my health?
I can’t stay away from my Blog. My need to go on the computer is a little frightening. I feel lost without being able to tap into what has become a major part of my life.
Cyberspace
Cock-Sure Rooster Leads in Race to Hades
They stood eye-ball to eye-ball, only inches away.
One stretched, only to see the other match the move immediately, with nary an eye blink, nor a muscle flinch.
There was a meanness in their beady eyes. And if looks could kill, both would be lying dead where they stood.
Mary’s Tears help Battle Flashbacks of War
The only thing that seemed to help Mary was the tears.
The act of crying seemed to “loosen up” and cushion the fear and anxiety that would strike her unexpectantly. Every time she’d hear a siren, she’d feel her chest tighten, her palms sweat, and her heartbeat race. “Twenty minutes” she’d say and look at a watch or a clock. It will all be over in 20 minutes. The world as she knew it would all be over. Destroyed by nuclear war.
Immigration Stories Hit Closer to Home
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Inspired by an open letter my friend Kim prepared for politicians, I started to think about some immigrants I have known in my life. My favorite was my dad, as well as my aunts and uncles from Greece, followed closely by my grandmother on my mother side, who came to America from a town in Germany or Hungary, depending on the political map of that day. Continue reading
Answers to Questions about Vietnam War
This Veteran tells a Student about the War
Continue readingLight shines here from a tip of the candle
Veterans Can Share Understanding of War
‘Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle, illuminating the way for the whole nation.
50 chews per bite is goal, not meals’ end!
The Outcome Doesn’t Matter
War guilt haunts veteran year after year
Premonition of Something Bad Arises
I knew something was wrong when I saw the radio operator’s face. He handed me the mike attached to the bulky radio strapped on his back. The private, new in-country, made no eye contact, and was hesitant in his actions.
I identified myself by a “call sign” and heard someone say in a code that the leader of the third platoon had just been wounded, and that I was ordered to move my first platoon to give him assistance.
Grief delayed me while in military service
I was in the Army less than a week when the news hit me. I had my head shaven; my civilian clothes exchanged for fatigue pants and a shirt, not to mention boots and headgear, something I had never worn before in my life.
Got drafted on the Third of June, the day that Billie Jo McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge! I was 19 years old in 1968 — knew no one — and was away from my Philadelphia, PA, home for the first time.
Old warriors share PTSD woes with young
Never thought of myself as a “warrior.” Wasn’t that a term used by Third World tribes or ancient civilizations building empires on one war after another?
Fowl locked up after spiritual book bash
The rooster rushed me as I turned my back. I had just gotten two paperback books from the mailbox and was preparing to feed him.
He got right into my face. Literally, as I bent to ward off his assault with the only protection I held in my hands. The books.
VA Hearing raises PTSD questions of trust
Why do I feel the VA (Veterans Administration) likes to push my face into the mud every once in a while? Like treating me like a number, not a person, another Vietnam War survivor that someone on some staff gets paid for seeing, stamping and shuffling off after extracting information to satisfy the Great Bureaucracy.
PTSD’s permanent address is at my home
Compensation and Review Board is the name given to a panel of persons with the Veterans’ Administration that recommends whether a disability rating should be approved for a deserving veteran.
PTSD battle takes its toll in Life-Long Fear
You don’t know how easily I scare.
I hate to admit this, but I become afraid when I get into harm’s way. I try to avoid it. Try to go with the flow. But when harm settles in my general area, I become as timid as a rabbit jumping back in a hole after seeing his own shadow.
Name-caller gets his butt kicked in the end
Originally Cont’d from Name-calling can get you kicked in the end 1-28-10
Calling a kid names could cause a lasting scar one may have to deal with later in life. It’s either that, or you learn to “toughen up“ as I did, and let the wise-cracks, the slurs, the hate-filled and ignorant remarks simply glide over you.
‘One-Eyed Jack’ provides more meditation
Originally Cont’d from Steroids Pushed as Far as the Eye can See 2-5-10
I’ve developed a fear of changes I’ve been forced to make and have a concern with the almost constant pain in the bad eye. It’s a low threshold of irritation, but a pain, nevertheless, that is taking more of a toll on me. Like headaches. Nothing acute, but a numbing sensation that increases as my blood pressure rises, or as my heartbeat increases, creating a throbbing pain.
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -35
35
When disturbing emotions are habituated, it is difficult to overcome them with antidotes. By arming oneself with the antidotal weapon of mindfulness, to destroy disturbing emotions such as desire the moment they first arise is the Bodhisattvas’ practice.
Damn War To Hell & Take PTSD With It
Damn PTSD.
‘Les We Forget’ names called our soldiers
No one’s ever called me “baby-killer.”
I never was “spit on” upon returning home to the United States following a year at war in Vietnam.
And, while friends and co-workers I met through the years may have thought it, none have said to my face they believed I was one of those “Crazed Vietnam Veterans.”
Name-calling can get you kicked in the end
Patty DeMarco made me cry. He called me names and wouldn’t stop as I tried to walk away, with him following me on the North Philadelphia street we lived. On and on he went, badmouthing me, until he saw my brother, who helped me into his little red wagon, and pulled it home, me sobbing all the while behind. I was four years old.
Stop the presses, stop depression, stop!
Stop! Don’t tell me anymore. Don’t want to hear it.
Keep the news to yourself. It hurts me, it’s always bad.
Meditation time is right in this moment
Driving while stuck in a traffic jam ordinarily would not be the best place to practice mindfulness meditation. I found out today while rushing to a doctor’s appointment, it was the “only” way to travel.
Meditation time is right in this moment
Driving while stuck in a traffic jam ordinarily would not be the best place to practice mindfulness meditation. I found out today while rushing to a doctor’s appointment, it was the “only” way to travel.
Blog Post Mistakenly Published Twice in a Row!
Yucky moment leads to ease of suffering
Ever have one of those “yucky” moments? Like, when you put your hand in a box, feeling around for some specific item only to come upon something gooey, wet and, of course “yucky.”
Rooster Racks up Pain and Admiration
Dark red scars are forming on my left hand and forearm where the thrust of the attack struck me. If left too long, I believe the cuts would fester and get worse. They’re the type that could cause that ugly yellow crust-like “deformity” to surround and create a horrific open wound.
Can’t A Guy Get A Break Around Here?
What am I doing with this wet rag in my hand? The woman at the meeting hall gave it to me, told me to “wipe down” some wooden box up on a stage with others cleaning and organizing for this Buddhist “event.”
A Flower Blooms then Rests in the Buddha
Can I give a flower to a Buddhist?
To show the impermanence of beauty.
Why We Want No More War Anniversaries
War is good for no one.
No one is good for war.
PTSD Anquish Served up at Bread Store
Unappreciated . . . Unwanted . . . Unloved . . .
Terrorists force VA to strip vet of dignity
The Terrorists Won.
They pushed my face into the dirt. Made me low crawl through those metal detectors. Violated me like no prison incarceration could ever have make me feel.
Continue reading
Finally, Light Shines on My Mutiny Quash
I lied to my platoon to prevent a mutiny from bursting to a head some 40 years ago.
Finally, Light Shines on My Mutiny Quash
I lied to my platoon to prevent a Mutiny from bursting to a head some 40 years ago.
Today, I granted myself forgiveness. I cleansed a wound that never seemed to heal until now.
Healing Technique Sparks Family Fall Out
“Unclean spirits!” The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Across my face.
Besides being rejected, I felt lightning had just stuck the ground beneath me. I detected fear and the raising of a drawbridge that would block out all light, no matter where the Source originated.
Thanks for a Path that Preserved my Life
Ever wonder what life would have been like if you made different choices years earlier?
Choosing a Different Path May Have Hurt You
I was 19 when I felt “separated” from most of the people I hung out with and called friends. I wanted to be so much like them; not to care about such things as “love,” “compassion,” other people’s “feelings.” That was “sissy” stuff; stuff that only a “wuss” would think about. I saw these aspects of myself as a “weakness.“
PTSD Raises a Monster Head from a Toilet
Put a straitjacket on me.
Hide me in a padded room.
Get me away from people.
All those I can harm by PTSD.
Who thinks up these crazy connections?
On finishing a Post on Writing, I glanced at the possibly related articles and got perplexed.
Where did they come up with such ideas?
Primary Source Appears in this Blog Ban 2
Well, there you have it . . . The Pornography ban poster has been transmitted to my blogging site here on WordPress.
PTSD therapy often comes from survivors
War Zone Fears Not Easily Discussed by Veterans
“Opening up” to a stranger is, at best, difficult to do. Confiding your “war zone” fears with a non-veteran can be worse, unless PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) serves as a bond between a brother and a sister.
Will Vietnam PTSD trap ever set me free?
What do anger, dreams, PTSD, and “Letting Go“ of one’s past have to do with each other? They’re all part of a discussion on vetting our emotions through dreams to deal with our conscious selves. Join me and another Michael J in our recent comments to his post: Practicing for the Bardo by Urbansannyasin
Continue readingBirds play in ‘carefree flight’ above me!
A scene from a Hitchcock movie rushed before my eyes as I saw a half dozen birds fly toward me while stuck in traffic this afternoon.
Sparrows Open Themselves for a Wonderful Air Flight
Continue readingAggression often adds to World Suffering
The following are messages shared on Aggression:
Continue reading
Despite Road Rage, Light Shines on PTSD
Unable to curb my road rage today, I finally grasped a thread of my PTSD and traced it back to its source.
I Wish I Could Use This Action Whenever PTSD Arises
Continue reading‘One Step Back’ leads to ‘Two Forward’
Advising Another Can be a Learning for You
Ever learn about yourself while giving heartfelt advice to someone else?
My kid served as a mirror this morning, as I discussed why he should not quit on his “tech” teacher at school.
It ain’t easy admitting that you, the parent, may need the same sage advice as the child. Worse yet, is trying to reason with a 17-year-old. They are so smart, they know practically everything to know in this world.
Three Positives Trump Anger Every Time
Anger — 2 comments by kaeis
(The following is my comment to a post simply titled, “Anger.”)
You Want Anger?
Trying to Make Amends for Vietnam War
How do you say you’re sorry to a people whose country you bombed in the name of peace and democracy?
What words can you use after saying that you are personally sorry for the Vietnam War and the mistakes our government made some 40 years ago?
Continue readingEating right can be such sweet sorrow
Safe Place Still No Guard Against PTSD
My Correspondence with a Woman with PTSD
You got it Sweetheart!
PTSD is what this Vietnam War veteran is talking about.
PTSD alert: don’t squander away your life
A Teutonic Plate shifted inside of me.
I felt someone had thrown water at my face, had “hit me upside my head” and looked me dead in the eye demanding my fullest attention. Have I been squandering away my life?
‘Infinite Mercy’ May Set my Teacher Free
My son’s favorite teacher killed herself.
She was depressed, they said, when she took the life of her three-year-old son. Then . . . she committed suicide, leaving a note for her husband and the child’s father.
Tibetan Book Winds its Way Thru My Life
I got a chill when I saw the word “Tibet” today because it took me back to the late 1960s when I was a newly minted second lieutenant trying to make his way in the US Army. The words that impressed me then, however, had nothing to do with the military. It had everything to do with life. Nearly 40 years later, I see that the “Tibetan Book of the Dead” called out to me, though I may not have known it then. Continue reading
When Is Using God’s Name Blasphemy?
God damn it. I forgot the lead I wanted to write here.
It was on the tip of my tongue (pen, key board key, etc.), and Christ, I lost it.
Continue readingMusic (mantra) melts the mind madness
When I want to (need to?) quiet the chatter inside of me, I play a little music in my head — sort of like a mantra — that becomes a lullaby for the Mind.
Release Me; I Swear I’ll Never Sin Again
Hey. Please get me out of here.
How the hell did I end up here, this empty place where no one can see me, touch me, or, more importantly, hear me?
Why am I locked up, away from the world outside this jar-like existence. Who did I piss off? What was my grievous sin?
Identity Loss Leads to New Outlook on Life
I lost my wallet.
And found a new freedom that only the loss of identity could possibly grant me.
Continue readingGoodbye Love; I’m Off to Find the Wizard
I must go.
And so, I simply say Goodbye.
Can aspiring to be “God-like” be heresy?
I felt so inspired by Robert Terrell’s guest column for Confessions of a Mystic that I penned a response that asks if we can ever become “God like” in our daily lives:
* * * * * * * * *
* On reading Robert’s excellent article, I was reminded of a philosophy espoused by a fellow named Sartre, in a play called “No Exit.” It dealt with life after death and how a man living with two women in one room viewed existence. “Hell. . . ,” the man said. ” . . .is . . . other . . . people . . .“
Continue reading
— Who’s to Blame For War After War? —
I Blame God for War.
I blame the Most Powerful Force in the Universe for not using its Almighty Abilities to stop war dead in its tracks.
— Some Wounds May Never Ever Heal —
The Vietnam War changed Joe.
It stripped him of all interest in leading people in any official capacity.
Forever.
— Why Must This Path Purt So Much? —
Pain: What Good Is It?
Sometimes, it works. But sometimes it tears into my psyche, bringing with it a fear that this discomfort, this thorn will continue to haunt me, raising its head more and more as I feel the aging process more keenly and with it, an unwanted sense of my mortality, my deterioration and the inevitable end that I will someday meet. When the pain increases and I can’t steer my mind away from it, I know deep inside that the end is not so very far away!
“Thank you” for letting me serve, somehow
- Ever get more out of doing something nice for someone than that person ever expected you could possibly get?
Banner bird brightens boy’s breakfast
A little bird brightened my day today.
The bird recognized me out of more than a hundred people sitting at tables eating breakfast.
“Don’t like this love…(crap)” she told me!
“I don’t like this love shit,” a woman I was about to meditate with whispered to me while in the circle of our six-person meditation “community.”
Veterans find joy in their own backyards
You can’t know how much pleasure there is in feeding a squirrel until you open yourself to the wonders of nature . . . and of course . . . feed a squirrel . . . daily.
Dream reveals a key to unlocking Paradise
I dreamed I wore a dress to a training class for new lawyers learning to defend criminal defendants. No one noticed my garb. None of the other attorneys said anything, and I never felt “different” or out of place as a brand-new public defender awaiting to argue his first case in Court.
But when I left the room and took a break, a supervisor removed the dress as he and others tried to run off with what they said was “inappropriate” clothing for a man’s courtroom appearance.
Serving others helps to serve you as well
The purpose of Life is to know, love, and serve the Creator.
But how do you serve an All-Giving Entity?
I believe that “to Serve the Creator is to Serve Humanity”
What’s Love Got To Do with My PTSD?
Love can Help You Deal with PTSD
What’s Love got to do with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)?
The feelings they generate stem from that same Core within, at least, the same Core within me.
Angels Appear as Earthly Messengers
It’s just like heaven . . . Being here with you . . . You’re like an Angel . . Too good to be true. When You are near me. My heart skips a beat. I can hardly stand on. My own two feet. Because I Love You; I Love You, I Do. ‘Angel Baby’. My ‘Angel Baby’. Oh, Ooh, I Love You, Oh, Ooh, I Do . . . No One Could Love You . . . Like I Do!
— Rosie & the Originals
Angels are Drawn from Dreams & Meditation
Can’t Hurry Him; You just have to Wait!
First Post
No Need to Try and Hurry Love
If I hurry, I know I will miss the moment.
By rushing, I’ll be too invested in the future than in the “now.” I would be forward-looking, not looking at the present.
Contoveros 