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Tag Archives: mindfulness
‘Letting go’ today frees me for tomorrow
Taking a step today that scares me. Going to become an “Initiate“ Buddhist at a morning ceremony. Do a prostration, touch my forehead to the floor, and recognize a Power greater than myself.
That’ll be the easy part. Saw enough Catholic priests drop to the church floor during a 40-hour service that I’m used to seeing American Buddhist ladies and gentlemen do the ritual at the Chenrezig Tibetan Buddhist Center of Philadelphia.
‘Do the right thing’–do what’s right for you
Part II from Escaping-Brewerytown
The moment of truth came down to one question: “Who else was with you?”
I looked to the floor and didn’t answer until the head of a juvenile aid panel from Philadelphia Family Court asked me to speak up.
Escaping Brewerytown in 1 piece not easy
I never took my eyes off the gun. The man’s hand shook. I was afraid it would go off. Raising my own hands, I prayed that he would not shoot, and said “I’m coming out,” slowly climbing out of the window, placing one foot on the ground and then the other as I exited the ACME supermarket warehouse building two blocks from my home. Continue reading
Love generates within for no reason at all
I tasted Love before I ever “entered” an Age of Reason.
I had not reached 7, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was attending a birthday party for a friend of my brother, John, who is two years older than me. Her name was Carolyn, and the love I felt came from her sister, Regina Gross, who the older kids enjoyed “fixing up” with me, her school classmate.
‘Garlic’s imprint’ holds many limitations
A friend dreamed she could not swim well in water, and had to return to the shore or face peril. It seems the dream reflected her real life. (See “to be me.”) She said she was not a very good swimmer, and she wondered why — even in one’s dream — we impose such limitations on ourselves?
I told her about a spiritual teacher who described this dilemma differently, using a piece of garlic as an example of a “delusion” that one can learn to remove from his or her eyes to see a much brighter and clearer pathway in the world.
Need a Joyful Effort to Remove Delusions
‘Sound Bath’ Calms & Heals us with Love
I feel a healing begin, as tears form, and I am so grateful to release what’s building inside — something so wonderful it becomes too good to contain.
I wish I were bigger. I’d have a greater capacity to handle the joy that’s flowing to all parts of my body. It’s like a liquid, this healing I feel, almost palpable like an elixir that cures each and every doubt, concern, and thought from one’s past or future.
Love & compassion’s for all God’s creatures
Did not know what a Buddhist sangha could mean to me, until four of us aspiring students focused on a multi-colored insect at lunch, discussed its past and future life-aspects, and showed compassion to a sentient being whom we might have swatted away before gaining our insight on Sunday.
Freedom of Religion depends on religion
Read some comments attacking the Dalai Lama on someone’s Blog which championed freedom of religion on its website.
Noticed it also pushed for a vote against gay marriage in California.
I guess freedom of religion, in that world, is only for those whose beliefs and way of life is like his own. Hate to see it extended to people with different views who really don’t deserve it, is the message he’s encouraging.
That’s the American way, though, isn’t it? Freedom of religion as long as it’s my religion?
I’m heartily sorry for having offended Thee
“Michael J,
The biggest lie you ever told was that you could say something about sexual orientation and not hurt someone whose way of life might be different from yours. You said you lied when you told an ex-girlfriend that you were gay to avoid having sex with someone you were not ready to have a long-term commitment.
Courtroom awakens karma understanding
One of the most humbling times in my life occurred in Court.
Philadelphia Police Sgt. Washington motioned to me that he wanted to talk. This was odd, I represented the “other side” as a public defender whose client was the defendant charged in an auto theft case. Washington was the arresting police officer whose testimony would ensure a conviction.
Going back home sans the Maidenform bra
What’s the biggest lie you ever told?
I’m talking “whopper” now. None of the “little white lies” kinda story. But one that would qualify as a Bold-Faced LIE!
Mine was to an ex-girlfriend. Not a lie to hide, I had been with another girl. Or why I forgot an anniversary or her birthday.
Values don’t change in impermanent world
I was 18 when I asked Janet to marry me, and she turned my request down flat.
We were never romantically involved, even though I’m sure a mutual love would have grown out of our teenage friendship.
Saigon Lady offers wisdom at check out
Saigon Lady taught me about Life and Buddhism last night.
Continue reading
Dance floor good place to learn to play ball
Two girls fought over me once.
Well, it really wasn’t me that caused the fight. It was my dance steps.
Hopping Trains Fools No One but Myself
I’ll Never Hop a Train Again.
Got dragged and nearly fell beneath a train before finally letting go of a freight car’s metal handholds. Don’t know how far my legs scraped and bumped along the wooden beams and fistfuls of rocks strewn from track to track. Don’t remember how long I lay on the ground, long after the train rolled by, thanking God for letting such a foolish boy like me continue to live.
Dream of Swinging on a Star Rings Out
Part II Smith’s Playground inspires years later
Reaching out with my right hand, I’d grab the metal ring. I would stand on my toes to pull it closer to the wooden platform I was balanced on. Gotta pull the ring back. Pull it so I can get the proper swing to the next ring. If you glide out without an extra pull, you’d fall short and drop to the ground, a failure.
Dream of Smith’s Playground Inspires Me
Childhood long gone, I’d dream about the “monkey swing” at Smith’s Playground whenever I wanted to achieve something worthwhile in my life. I’d see myself climb from one achievement to another, always going forward as I stretched out an arm to grab one metal ring and then the next one on down the line.
Blogging creates craving when ‘Net’s down
I’m hooked. Couldn’t go an hour without needing a “fix.” I wonder how many others this phenomena effects? And how dangerous this addiction could be to my health?
I can’t stay away from my Blog. My need to go on the computer is a little frightening. I feel lost without being able to tap into what has become a major part of my life.
Cyberspace
Unconditional love comforts a Buddha cat
Sundance sneezed five times. Shouldn’t have surprised me. I “felt” I was helping her as she lay across my legs, jettisoning hundreds of microscopic objects onto my leg and arm where her small furry head had just rested.  Continue reading
PTSD Creates New ‘Cause and Condition’
Causes and Conditions.
That’s what Life is all about.
Causes and Conditions.
The sooner I realize this,
the easier it will be to
Reach Enlightenment.  Continue reading
Remember to enjoy the ride getting ‘there’
I entered the “Twilight Zone” yesterday.
Drove full of gusto to complete a task before visiting a doctor in the early afternoon. Only to realize by the time I turned onto the major road, I forgot where I was going.
And worse, why!
Cock-Sure Rooster Leads in Race to Hades
They stood eye-ball to eye-ball, only inches away.
One stretched, only to see the other match the move immediately, with nary an eye blink, nor a muscle flinch.
There was a meanness in their beady eyes. And if looks could kill, both would be lying dead where they stood.
Time to get back into the swim of life now
Thirty-Six Laps!
The “kid” still got it. Swam 36 laps this afternoon, the first time I’ve exercised in four months.
What? It’s been four months since I been to LA Fitness. Four months since I hit the Olympic-size pool, take in the whirlpool, as well as spend time in the sauna? Actually, spent more than 15 minutes in the sauna to get rid of all the “toxins” people tell me I need to get out of my system.
Mary’s Tears help Battle Flashbacks of War
The only thing that seemed to help Mary was the tears.
The act of crying seemed to “loosen up” and cushion the fear and anxiety that would strike her unexpectantly. Every time she’d hear a siren, she’d feel her chest tighten, her palms sweat, and her heartbeat race. “Twenty minutes” she’d say and look at a watch or a clock. It will all be over in 20 minutes. The world as she knew it would all be over. Destroyed by nuclear war.
A soldier bows in salute to heartfelt words
Light shines here from a tip of the candle
‘Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle,’ illuminating the way for the whole nation.
If veterans can achieve awareness, transformation, understanding, and peace, they can share with the rest of society the realities of war.
And they can teach us how to make peace with ourselves and each other, so we never have to use violence to resolve conflicts again.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
The following is a message I left shortly after writing the quotes from Thich Nhat Hahn. I’ll never forget the experience meditating with him and other veterans who got together during the retreat and even had pictures taken:
50 chews per bite is goal, not meals’ end!
The outcome doesn’t matter
War guilt haunts veteran year after year
I knew something was wrong when I saw the radio operator’s face. He handed me the mike attached to the bulky radio strapped on his back. The private, new in-country, made no eye contact, and was hesitant in his actions.
I identified myself by a “call sign” and heard someone say in a code that the leader of the third platoon had just been wounded, and that I was ordered to move my first platoon to give him assistance.
Merging Two into One Okay, Michael J
Grief delayed me while in military service
I was in the Army less than a week when the news hit me. I had my head shaven; my civilian clothes exchanged for fatigue pants and a shirt, not to mention boots and headgear, something I had never worn before in my life.
Got drafted on the Third of June, the day that Billie Jo McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge! I was 19 years old in 1968 — knew no one — and was away from my Philadelphia, PA, home for the first time.
Hudson River magic calls me to Omega
Got a check for $9 in the mail yesterday. It was for travel expenses on a trip I took five months ago. It came to me like magic. I must have lost it in the IKEA store of Conshohocken, and it just appeared out of nowhere for my return trip.
Back to the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. A campus in Rhinebeck, NY, where I will return today (April 21, 2010) for another retreat on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Be ‘Gentle,’ not Meek, to Inherit the Earth
Ever meet someone who wanted to grow up “Meek?”
You know, as in “the ‘Meek‘ shall inherit the Earth?”
“Eat your Wheaties, and you too can become as Meek as Babe Ruth,” is a jingle I bet you never heard out of Madison Avenue. Or how about “The Army builds meek men one body at a time?”
Old warriors share PTSD woes with young
Never thought of myself as a “warrior.” Wasn’t that a term used by Third World tribes or ancient civilizations building empires on one war after another?
A warrior was someone who didn’t mind taking another life, or at least someone trained to dwell not on any moral implications of war. Warriors were as much a part of life as shopkeepers, scholars, and clerics. All served society. All provided some good, didn’t they?
Sutta Nipata calls me to Omega Institute
Will return to Omega Institute this week for a 5-day Retreat to meditate on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with veterans led by the Rev. Claude AnShin Thomas, an ordained Buddhist monk and a Vietnam War veteran.
Jump at Chance to Finally Let Your Self Go
John 13. Verses 3-4 says:
“So during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.”
Meditate and it will ‘erase’ all but the Now
Ruby,
You tell me you wish that we could have an eraser in our lives to go back and “Erase Our Mistakes.”
Over and over and over. Because we tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Meditation can “erase” a lot.
Focus on Nothing but the Very Present
I focus on the present. Gently nudge out thoughts of yesterday and the future and try to keep my senses on the “now.” I listen to sounds, feel the chair beneath my legs and butt, as well as my hands on my lap and the air around me. I let the itch remain “unscratched” and it goes away.
Mistakes don’t seem to matter. At least when I ease myself into the moment and away from the chattering nabobs of negativism. All dissolve, drift away.
Forgiveness Granted from the Divine
I “flow” with my breath, following it in and out of my nostrils, “feeling” it in the upper front part of my skull, all the time “forgiving” myself for not meeting my expectations and/or making the plans for tomorrow. The “Divine” in me grants absolution without the “Hail Mary’s” and the “Our Fathers.”
And I go and sin no more.
Until the next couple of breaths.
—————-
And I do it all over again!
Michael J
For more see: Finding my way back
Writing clears up the ‘clogged up’ space
Josie,
Writing opens my sinuses.
Well, maybe not really.
But it does open an awareness through a part of my body that seemed to have been “clogged up” or “stuck” just a few seconds before I started to put ideas out for someone to see on paper.
Always Look Within, To Now See Outside
Put a finger on ‘Sa Ta Na Ma’ Meditation
Got a quick “fix” for you. But don’t try to finger this “hit” unless you’re alone, or with someone you trust.
It is what I call a “tactile chant.” Oh, I know what you’re going to say. Here’s more New Age stuff. Another scam for the public. Spiritual babble for a get-rich scheme. But you’d be wrong. Dead wrong. About something that could enhance your Life!
Loving, Longing, Yearning for My Beloved
When will I see my Beloved? To feel arms surround me, a touch to comfort me, the warmth of an embrace to shelter me from any harm man can devise against another.
I seek protection in those arms. The reward You bestow for simply living, for being alive in the moment when my Love ripens and blossoms, nurtured like a flower by Your sun during the day, and Your cool breeze to help petals close at night.
A body speaks its mind to free and heal you
Take a risk; a new you may emerge from it!
A card turned over as I accidentally moved my hand to uncover four other small cards randomly picked from a tray on the carpeted floor. Sitting in the Lotus position with a legless “cloth” chair to support my back, I leaned over to read the card.
“Risk” is all that it said. There was a tiny picture of an angel that somehow reminded me of pre-teen girls who just gave up playing with dolls and turned to thoughts of Celestial Beings. Not the Old Testament God Almighty with Fire and Brimstone, but the soft, gentle “Angels” that serve as guardians.
2010 Time Capsule: Nick’s HS Class Trip
Acupuncture pitches ‘halvies’ to a PTSD Vet
All life needs is a warm touch to survive
Kim, you inspire me to lose meaty issues
You never know where your thoughts may take you when you blog. A reply to another’s post may become your “post of the day” if you’re not careful. Or, if another person writings inspire you to reveal your self . . . Continue reading
Governor destroyed in the dark of a dream
Dance with love where ever you find Him
Cat’s meow: ‘thank you, I love you too!’
Sun shines to make up for snowed in winter
‘Rock Star’ lightens the hold on this Life
Time travel a stone’s throw (or hold) away
When Spirit moves you, kneel & adore Him
Grass always greener on non-paved side
Live life today in love for death tomorrow
A shower can bless me today, if I but let go
Heaven appears now in Love from within
Speak up if you enjoy the art of listening
Buddha guides me thru VA PTSD path
Possibly Cont’d from Trappist monk helps veteran ‘awaken’ me
Dream helps guide me back to Paradise
Originally Cont’d from Dream Reveals Key to Paradise 12-2-09
I realized that I was in Paradise.
No, not the Paradise mentioned in our religious books about an Adam and Eve in a Garden of Eden. My Paradise was within, existing immediately before I had eaten from the fruit of the Knowledge Tree, the source of later intelligence, the later development of the mind and its control of my life.
Rooster helps open path to miraculous day
The rooster crows outside my kitchen door. Not once, but several times. Wait a minute! It’s 7:30 in the morning. He’s supposed to be up the hill in the shed converted into a chicken coop. What happened?
You forgot to lock the trap door, Michael J. Forgot to close it. Or simply forgot to round-up the four feathered critters and herd them into their warm wooden environment. That could mean they spent the night outdoors.
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -36
‘Barrister Bu’ — a ‘Buddha nature’ lawyer
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -35
Awakening from the Winter Storm of 2010
Being ‘in the moment’ beats being ‘on time’
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -30
Meditation energizes Phila. Meet-Up Group
Steroids Pushed as Far as the Eye can See
Can Eye Movement Still a Body or a Mind?
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -20
Bodhisattvas’ (Compassion) Practices -19
Joy found in everyday ‘Common’ Ground
Part III in totem series (Hawk, tiger & sparrow) Continue reading
Hawk, tiger & sparrow send wake-up call
Part I in the Totem Series Continue reading
Bodhisattva (Compassion) Practices – 15
Eye still on the 30-day writing finish line
Youth recaptured through football hurdle
Stop the presses, stop depression, stop!
Meditation time is right in this moment
Meditation time is right in this moment
Yucky moment leads to ease of suffering
Last minute reprieve delays eye execution
A Post A Day Brings Peace All Day
‘Letting go’ provides a better ‘vision’ in life
Psychedelic green bursts of light pulse across my eye. It’s like a strobe light flashing over and over, as I “see” a colorful cascade of a lime green pigment appear before me as if it’s penetrating the eyeball itself.
It is! And, it’s called a “laser” procedure that a doctor from Presbyterian Hospital, a division of the University of Pennsylvania Hospital, Philadelphia, PA (USA), is performing on my left eye. Flash after flash of the laser erupts across the eye in lightening-like shapes. Are those the veins of the eye this magical light is brightening as it strikes?
He “lasers” through one hundred and twenty-four “spots” on two different sections of the eye, where they discovered I had a detached retina. I thought I scratched the eye with a contact lens, but was wrong. (See: lens hazard) And there I was yesterday, getting emergency treatment from VA (Veterans Administration) Hospital workers who, I believe, provide the best services in the world to needy veterans.
Okay to Surrender Yourself to Medical Treatments
I sit passively, leaning back with my head comforted by the head-rest of the chair behind me. Strange. But I am at peace. Another doctor — was it the third, fourth or fifth person I spoke to? — had coated the eye with some “numbing” liquid. It spread over the eye and apparently into whatever cavity leading to the nasal section. My breathing is clearer. So are my thoughts.
Rather, the “lack“ of thoughts, as I have totally “surrendered” to these physicians, placing the outcome not only in their hands, but those of the Fates, as my ancient Greek ancestors called that Force in the Universe. “Whatever will be, will be,” Doris Day sings in my ear. It’s easy to accept something when you have absolutely no control over that something.
I pondered this as I drove earlier from one hospital to another, wondering if I would lose sight in my eye after seeing an eye doctor at Coatesville (PA) Medical Center. He called Philadelphia to set up this emergency “drill.” What’s the worst scenario, Michael? You’ll be blind in one eye, and won’t be able to see out of the other, unless you wear a contact lens. Otherwise, the world will be a blur, an unfocused, hazy collection of unfeeling objects. Kinda like some people I know who go through life never seeking help or understanding from one another.
Calculating Risks You Take for Improvement
Ok, let’s say I “lost” the eye, I thought. That’ll cut back by 50 percent the amount of money I’d need for contacts lenses. Just buy for one, not two eyes. Won’t have to worry about scratching the glass lens on the left side of my spectacles. Couldn’t see through it anyway. And, it’s not as if I would actually be “losing” the eye, replacing a natural one with an artificial one, I find myself telling a nice and kind female hospital attendant.
You could still see both of my pretty brown eyes as I smiled your way, I added. I could blink, and the eye would respond. I’d be able to look in your direction and you’d see me looking back at you with both of my happy-to-see-you “peepers.”
Don’t forget the eye patch. A cool, black patch stretched over the eye, as I would stare you down with that sinister and menacing look of the pirate, the swashbuckler, the Omar Sharif-type character that is suave and debonair. What a new look! Might lead people to believe my 100 percent disability rating with the VA was due to the loss of the eye while in combat, and not my hearing loss and/or the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) “gain.”
Can Eye Drops Help You Reach a Higher State?
The drops placed on my eye immediately preceding the laser incisions seemed to spread over my whole being, bringing a calm I generally only experience while in “deep” meditation. “Doctor Will,” I address the surgeon, Daniel Will, by name. “Do the eye drops make a person feel like they’ve reached Nirvana?”
“That’s a new one,” he responds with a laugh. He mentions something about “bottling” it if the stuff really caused such an effect. I “feel” him smile at my remark. And I smile. I now know that no drug is causing me to face this medical “operation” with such an evenly peaceful acceptance on my part.
Must be the advice someone suggested I follow, and that is, to apply the self-administrated procedure of “letting go,” day after day.
It will help to improve anyone’s vision.
Heeding the Beck & Call of “Great Mother”
Can’t A Guy Get A Break Around Here?
No American Idols portrayed in my home
Hereafter or not, why risk taking a chance?
Macho man marvels at mistaken miss
Gratitude Given Freely Can Grow on You
Want to feel good? Pick out five things each day to show your gratitude. Write ’em down. But, don’t try to fake it. You really gotta look for some thing in your life, some person, some reason that, deep down inside, you can say “makes me grateful.”
That’s a message I got from a fellow named Bill Stauffer who addressed a group of like-minded people who were seeking some spiritual insights this morning. Continue reading
Contoveros 
“Ain’t gonna study war no more . . .”
That was the song veterans and family members of vets sang at the retreat with Thích Nhất Hạnh at Blue Cliff Monastery, upstate New York. We formed a group which included the daughter of General William C. Westmoreland, once the commander of the Army during the Vietnam War.
Thầy held a special place for veterans from the United States who faced war and believed we could help others see the futility of all wars!
(See https://contoveros.com/2017/03/15/thich-nhat-hanh-sees-the-suffering-in-us/)
Lyrics
I’m gonna lay down my burden, down by the riverside,
Down by the riverside, down by the riverside
I’m gonna lay down my burden, down by the riverside,
I’m gonna study war no more
I ain’t a gonna study war no more, I ain’t a gonna study war no more
I ain’t a gonna study war no more, I ain’t a gonna study war no more
I ain’t a gonna study war no more, I ain’t a gonna study war no more