You gotta be careful for what you wish for . . .
Your Dream just might come true. Over. . . and over . . . and over again.
Like trying a case to a jury my first day in the Major Trial Division of Philadelphia’s Common Pleas Court System.
Author Archives: contoveros
Listen to the sigh; might be saying ‘Let Go’
I feel a bit of God in a good healthy sigh.
It could be that all animals do, and it helps us relax for a millisecond before exhaling. The longer I exhale, the longer I feel the Presence.
City differences create a variety in my life
Cherry-Chocolate
Soda
I’d give anything to taste the flavor of a that drink again.
Not the ones from a bottle. A soda fountain drink! Nothing compares to the delicious mixture of “realchocolate” and cherry syrups combined with that seltzer-like substance that produced a drink that could have originated only in Paradise.
Continue readingAl Brown Taught me a Lesson of a Lifetime
I always looked up to Al Brown. I met him when I was only eight-and-a-half years old in the 1950s. Nowadays, I guess you would call him a “community organizer,” someone in the neighborhood a person could turn to with questions about the block, the new and older people who lived on your street. Like that section of Brewerytown where I grew up in North Philadelphia.
Seeing improves with my cataract removal
My “Fishbowl” Look is Gone.
So is my astigmatism. Not to mention a cataract in my left eye.
Bliss arises in cherishing of another’s woes
An African American woman showed me how to take on the suffering of the world during a five-day retreat on perfecting perpetual peace in my soul.
Retreat calls me to go away to go within
Going within starts with the right intention.
Hope to realize this on a five-day retreat today.
Out for Jury Duty; Please leave a message
Dharma Wheel marks birth May 27, 2010
Continue reading
‘Letting go’ today frees me for tomorrow
Taking a step today that scares me. Going to become an “Initiate“ Buddhist at a morning ceremony. Do a prostration, touch my forehead to the floor, and recognize a Power greater than myself.
That’ll be the easy part. Saw enough Catholic priests drop to the church floor during a 40-hour service that I’m used to seeing American Buddhist ladies and gentlemen do the ritual at the Chenrezig Tibetan Buddhist Center of Philadelphia.
‘Do the right thing’–do what’s right for you
Part II from Escaping-Brewerytown
The moment of truth came down to one question: “Who else was with you?”
I looked to the floor and didn’t answer until the head of a juvenile aid panel from Philadelphia Family Court asked me to speak up.
Escaping Brewerytown in 1 piece not easy
I never took my eyes off the gun. The man’s hand shook. I was afraid it would go off. Raising my own hands, I prayed that he would not shoot, and said “I’m coming out,” slowly climbing out of the window, placing one foot on the ground and then the other as I exited the ACME supermarket warehouse building two blocks from my home. Continue reading
Love generates within for no reason at all
I Tasted Love before I ever “Entered” an Age of Reason.
I had not reached 7, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was attending a birthday party for a friend of my brother, John, who is two years older than me. Her name was Carolyn, and the love I felt came from her sister, Regina Gross, who the older kids enjoyed “fixing up” with me, her school classmate.
‘Garlic’s imprint’ holds many limitations
A friend dreamed she could not swim well in water and had to return to the shore or face peril. It seems the dream reflected her real life. (See “To Be Me.”) She said she was not a very good swimmer, and she wondered why — even in one’s dream — we impose such limitations on ourselves?
‘Sound Bath’ Calms & Heals us with Love
I feel a healing begin, as tears form, and I am so grateful to release what’s building inside — something so wonderful it becomes too good to contain.
I wish I were bigger. I’d have a greater capacity to handle the joy that’s flowing to all parts of my body. It’s like a liquid, this healing I feel, almost palpable like an elixir that cures each and every doubt, concern, and thought from one’s past or future.
Love & compassion’s for all God’s creatures
Did not know what a Buddhist sangha could mean to me, until four of us aspiring students focused on a multi-colored insect at lunch, discussed its past and future life-aspects, and showed compassion to a sentient being whom we might have swatted away before gaining our insight on Sunday.
Freedom of Religion depends on religion
Read some comments attacking the Dalai Lama on someone’s Blog which championed freedom of religion on its website.
Noticed it also pushed for a vote against gay marriage in California.
I’m heartily sorry for having offended Thee
“Michael J,
The biggest lie you ever told was that you could say something about sexual orientation and not hurt someone whose way of life might be different from yours. You said you lied when you told an ex-girlfriend that you were gay to avoid having sex with someone you were not ready to have a long-term commitment.
Courtroom awakens karma understanding
One of the most humbling times in my life occurred in Court.
Philadelphia Police Sgt. Washington motioned to me that he wanted to talk. This was odd, I represented the “other side” as a public defender whose client was the defendant charged in an auto theft case. Washington was the arresting police officer whose testimony would ensure a conviction.
Going back home sans the Maidenform bra
What’s the biggest lie you ever told?
I’m talking “whopper” now. None of the “little white lies” kinda story. But one that would qualify as a Bold-Faced LIE!
Mine was to an ex-girlfriend. Not a lie to hide, I had been with another girl. Or why I forgot an anniversary or her birthday.
Values don’t change in impermanent world
I was 18 when I asked Janet to marry me, and she turned my request down flat.
We were never romantically involved, even though I’m sure a mutual love would have grown out of our teenage friendship.
Saigon Lady offers wisdom at check out
Saigon Lady taught me about Life and Buddhism last night.
Continue reading
Dance floor good place to learn to play ball
Two girls fought over me once.
Well, it really wasn’t me that caused the fight. It was my dance steps.
Hit upside the head provides a life lesson
The detective hit me across the face with a back hand, and I knew I was in trouble. Blood formed on my lower lip. I let it flow, not taking my eyes from this man who gained my immediate attention with a force he evidently knew how to use on some wise-ass kid not being straight with him.
Hopping Trains Fools No One but Myself
I’ll Never Hop a Train Again.
Got dragged and nearly fell beneath a train before finally letting go of a freight car’s metal handholds. Don’t know how far my legs scraped and bumped along the wooden beams and fistfuls of rocks strewn from track to track. Don’t remember how long I lay on the ground, long after the train rolled by, thanking God for letting such a foolish boy like me continue to live.
Dream of Swinging on a Star Rings Out
Part II Smith’s Playground inspires years later
Reaching out with my right hand, I’d grab the metal ring. I would stand on my toes to pull it closer to the wooden platform I was balanced on. Gotta pull the ring back. Pull it so I can get the proper swing to the next ring. If you glide out without an extra pull, you’d fall short and drop to the ground, a failure.
Dream of Smith’s Playground Inspires Me
Childhood long gone, I’d dream about the “monkey swing” at Smith’s Playground whenever I wanted to achieve something worthwhile in my life. I’d see myself climb from one achievement to another, always going forward as I stretched out an arm to grab one metal ring and then the next one on down the line.
Blogging creates craving when ‘Net’s down
I’m hooked. Couldn’t go an hour without needing a “fix.” I wonder how many others this phenomena effects? And how dangerous this addiction could be to my health?
I can’t stay away from my Blog. My need to go on the computer is a little frightening. I feel lost without being able to tap into what has become a major part of my life.
Cyberspace
Unconditional love comforts a Buddha cat
Sundance sneezed five times. Shouldn’t have surprised me. I “felt” I was helping her as she lay across my legs, jettisoning hundreds of microscopic objects onto my leg and arm where her small furry head had just rested.  Continue reading
PTSD Creates New ‘Cause and Condition’
Remember to enjoy the ride getting ‘there’
I entered the “Twilight Zone” yesterday.
Drove full of gusto to complete a task before visiting a doctor in the early afternoon. Only to realize by the time I turned onto the major road, I forgot where I was going.
And worse, why!
Getting ‘Fired’ up for Singing Debut on TV
Mister JR Johnson fired me when he caught me “entertaining” friends at his place of business.
He waited until the end of the shift on Friday and told me my days (actually, nights) as a stripper were over. I tried to explain, apologize for my actions, but that evening it was to no avail.
It hung over me that weekend. But did little to dim one of the brightest moments of my life.
Cock-Sure Rooster Leads in Race to Hades
They stood eye-ball to eye-ball, only inches away.
One stretched, only to see the other match the move immediately, with nary an eye blink, nor a muscle flinch.
There was a meanness in their beady eyes. And if looks could kill, both would be lying dead where they stood.
Time to get back into the swim of life now
Thirty-Six Laps!
The “kid” still got it. Swam 36 laps this afternoon, the first time I’ve exercised in four months.
What? It’s been four months since I been to LA Fitness. Four months since I hit the Olympic-size pool, take in the whirlpool, as well as spend time in the sauna? Actually, spent more than 15 minutes in the sauna to get rid of all the “toxins” people tell me I need to get out of my system.
Mary’s Tears help Battle Flashbacks of War
The only thing that seemed to help Mary was the tears.
The act of crying seemed to “loosen up” and cushion the fear and anxiety that would strike her unexpectantly. Every time she’d hear a siren, she’d feel her chest tighten, her palms sweat, and her heartbeat race. “Twenty minutes” she’d say and look at a watch or a clock. It will all be over in 20 minutes. The world as she knew it would all be over. Destroyed by nuclear war.
Immigration Stories Hit Closer to Home
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Inspired by an open letter my friend Kim prepared for politicians, I started to think about some immigrants I have known in my life. My favorite was my dad, as well as my aunts and uncles from Greece, followed closely by my grandmother on my mother side, who came to America from a town in Germany or Hungary, depending on the political map of that day. Continue reading
The point of Not Guilty plea is ‘no points’
Answers to Questions about Vietnam War
This Veteran tells a Student about the War
Continue readingOld love songs morph into new spirituals
A soldier bows in salute to heartfelt words
A Soldier, and No One Else!
It was the soldier who gave you freedom of the press, not the reporter
It was the soldier, not the poet, who gave you freedom of expression
Light shines here from a tip of the candle
Veterans Can Share Understanding of War
‘Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle, illuminating the way for the whole nation.
‘Awake’ Now from the War of Thunder
The Outcome Doesn’t Matter
50 chews per bite is goal, not meals’ end!
The Outcome Doesn’t Matter
Imperfect clergy always been kinda cool
I could never be a clergyman.
I curse too much.
Damn it!
See. I can’t go 12 words without letting out some sort of “expleted deleted word,” even one as mild as a “damn.”
‘Cost of War’ explodes at Omega Institute
I loathe my inconsistencies on grief, and how I dealt with death and injuries while serving in the military.
Unable to Mourn Three Years in the Army
I blame the Army for not giving me the chance to mourn someone on first hearing of their senseless death. I blame myself for choosing to be a good soldier and not a compassionate human being, placing country first — before God and humanity.
War guilt haunts veteran year after year
Premonition of Something Bad Arises
I knew something was wrong when I saw the radio operator’s face. He handed me the mike attached to the bulky radio strapped on his back. The private, new in-country, made no eye contact, and was hesitant in his actions.
I identified myself by a “call sign” and heard someone say in a code that the leader of the third platoon had just been wounded, and that I was ordered to move my first platoon to give him assistance.
Merging Two into One Okay, Michael J
“Belief in God, and
following Buddhism
is not incompatible.”
Grief delayed me while in military service
I was in the Army less than a week when the news hit me. I had my head shaven; my civilian clothes exchanged for fatigue pants and a shirt, not to mention boots and headgear, something I had never worn before in my life.
Got drafted on the Third of June, the day that Billie Jo McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge! I was 19 years old in 1968 — knew no one — and was away from my Philadelphia, PA, home for the first time.
Hudson River magic calls me to Omega
Got a check for $9 in the mail yesterday. It was for travel expenses on a trip I took five months ago. It came to me like magic. I must have lost it in the IKEA store of Conshohocken, and it just appeared out of nowhere for my return trip.
Veterans with PTSD Invited to Omega Institute
Back to the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. A campus in Rhinebeck, NY, where I will return today (April 21, 2010) for another retreat on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Be ‘Gentle,’ not Meek, to Inherit the Earth
Ever meet someone who wanted to grow up “Meek?”
You know, as in “the ‘Meek‘ shall inherit the Earth?”
“Eat your Wheaties, and you too can become as Meek as Babe Ruth,” is a jingle I bet you never heard out of Madison Avenue. Or how about “The Army builds meek men one body at a time?”
Old warriors share PTSD woes with young
Never thought of myself as a “warrior.” Wasn’t that a term used by Third World tribes or ancient civilizations building empires on one war after another?
Sutta Nipata calls me to Omega Institute
Will return to Omega Institute this week for a 5-day Retreat to meditate on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with veterans led by the Rev. Claude AnShin Thomas, an ordained Buddhist monk and a Vietnam War veteran.
Jump at Chance to Finally Let Your Self Go
John 13. Verses 3-4 says:
“So during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.”
Meditate and it will ‘erase’ all but the Now
Ruby,
You tell me you wish that we could have an eraser in our lives to go back and “Erase Our Mistakes.”
Writing clears up the ‘clogged up’ space
Always Look Within, To Now See Outside
A long red light usually gets on my nerves while sitting in traffic, but time went so quick just now. I’m exploring the World of a Mystic.
And fit right in!
Put a finger on ‘Sa Ta Na Ma’ Meditation
Got a quick “fix” for you. But don’t try to finger this “hit” unless you’re alone, or with someone you trust.
It is what I call a “tactile chant.” Oh, I know what you’re going to say. Here’s more New Age stuff. Another scam for the public. Spiritual babble for a get-rich scheme. But you’d be wrong. Dead wrong. About something that could enhance your Life!
Loving, Longing, Yearning for My Beloved
When will I see my Beloved? To feel arms surround me, a touch to comfort me, the warmth of an embrace to shelter me from any harm man can devise against another.
Need spiritual evolution now, not hereafter
Don’t want Catholicism, Protestantism, or Judaism. Don’t force me to become a Hindu, a Muslim or even a Buddha. Let me form a “Me-ism,” a spirituality that takes a lot from all the above and blends it into what I feel inside when I’m alone and away from the “Shall Nots,” the 84,000 teachings, and a belief that the “hereafter” must be better than the present.
A body speaks its mind to free and heal you
I felt free for the first time in a long time today. Dr. Jodi Schwartz-Levy conducted a Somatic Therapy session for four practioners, and each walked away with all expectations met. And then some.
Or Should I Say “Soma?”
Take a risk; a new you may emerge from it!
A card turned over as I accidentally moved my hand to uncover four other small cards randomly picked from a tray on the carpeted floor. Sitting in the Lotus position with a legless “cloth” chair to support my back, I leaned over to read the card.
“Risk” is all that it said. There was a tiny picture of an angel that somehow reminded me of pre-teen girls who just gave up playing with dolls and turned to thoughts of Celestial Beings. Not the Old Testament God Almighty with Fire and Brimstone, but the soft, gentle “Angels” that serve as guardians.
Recalling a Few (25) of My Favorite Things
I wish all of our days could be filled with memories of the greatest moments of our lives. None of mine would go down in history or make it into Guinness Book of World Records.
But each is worth its weight in gold, a treasure of memories that anyone, even a prisoner serving a life-sentence behind bars, is free to recall anytime, anyplace.
I dig chicks: all eight that just hatched!
Eight chicks broke out of their shells recently, as we turned the bathroom in our Conshohocken, PA, home into a temporary chicken coop.
2010 Time Capsule: Nick’s HS Class Trip
Saw you off on your class trip, Nick, and while we parted on a bad note, I want to leave something to perhaps get the sour taste out of our mouths.
Fowl locked up after spiritual book bash
The rooster rushed me as I turned my back. I had just gotten two paperback books from the mailbox and was preparing to feed him.
He got right into my face. Literally, as I bent to ward off his assault with the only protection I held in my hands. The books.
Make yourself a clean, well-lighted place
There’s nothing like a clean, well-lighted sink.
Got three of them shining the other day. I usually wipe one every morning I shower, removing the half-used toothpaste drops, moustache trimmings and occasional pieces of hair from a head that doesn’t need to lose any more. Hair, that is.
40 years later, I learn about ‘Nothing’
It took me some 40 years, but I think I finally realized what John Lennon was saying in one of the last songs he wrote and sang with the Beatles.
Buddhist Teaching of ‘Nothing‘ is Everything
Writing the old-fashioned way inspires me
Prolific is as Prolific Does.
Got inspired to write while working on my third cup of coffee. I wait the 90 minutes I’ve given to a meeting I scheduled at IKEA in Conshohocken, PA, for Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP).  Continue reading
Now is when path and goal merge as one
I entered the world of the Mystic while sitting on a bench at the foot of my bed in what seems a lifetime ago. It lasted only a moment. But the realization struck me like a bolt of lightning.
Remembering the Greatest Time of my Life
What does your first memorable kiss, scoring a break-away touchdown and opening to your Higher Self all have in common?
Miracle copies manifest at Philly VA Center
Does the Universe conspire to create minor miracles on a given day? Yes. But only if you believe in modern-day miracles.
I experienced several on February 16, 2010, with the last manifesting over a two-day period in the history of miracles for Contoveros. (For the series, see Rooster helps open path to miraculous day)
Acupuncture pitches ‘halvies’ to a Vet
Had an “out-of-body” experience.
Twice. Once on my stomach, the other on my back. Got “acupunctured.” Second time for my back. First for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Back got punctured a dozen times in various parts of the body, starting in areas other than the back.
‘Yes’ you can ‘Whirl’ & ‘Close’ to a Jury
My “performance” complete, I drop to my chair, taking deep breaths, trying to avoid showing what the past action has cost me.
Dolphins display love as human escorts
Hung over. Tired. Hard to get out of bed.
What happened? I had nothing to drink . . . no alcohol . . . no drugs.
Don’t let Love speed away; but yield slowly
Cont’d from Part I, Dolphins display love as human escorts
Opening up to a stranger is never easy. But when you feel trust and an open vulnerability offered to you, you can shed your safeguards and become the loving person I believe we were always meant to be. Just yield slowly.
VA Hearing raises PTSD questions of trust
Why do I feel the VA (Veterans Administration) likes to push my face into the mud every once in a while? Like treating me like a number, not a person, another Vietnam War survivor that someone on some staff gets paid for seeing, stamping and shuffling off after extracting information to satisfy the Great Bureaucracy.
Allison’s creating colors for life’s canvas
Allison,
Hold onto to it. (That feeling of bliss that you can find only in the quiet.)
Better yet, remember it, as if your Life depends on it.
Three Mile Island Erupts with Memories
The looming towers of Three Mile Island (TMI) grew in size as I drove from Conshohocken to Harrisburg, PA, some 90 miles away. It was on this very day, March 28, 1979, that America experienced fear and second-guessing of its decision to build nuclear reactors so close to populated areas.
‘I wanna go home’ starts & ends within
On reading “I wanna go home,” I was moved to respond about Love Within:
Reach inside of yourself. Look for the Love. It’s there. Now, let it flow throughout your body, your system. Never mind thoughts trying to intrude onto this feeling. Your love is stronger and mightier than any thought — negative or otherwise.
All life needs is a warm touch to survive
Kim, you inspire me to lose meaty issues
You never know where your thoughts may take you when you blog. A reply to another’s post may become your “post of the day” if you’re not careful. Or, if another person writings inspire you to reveal yourself . . . Continue reading
Words to live by, not to state them by
“. . . Grow Spiritually and Help Others to Do So . . .
It’s the Meaning of Life . . .”
— Leo Tolstoy
Governor destroyed in the dark of a dream
A judge destroyed the governor, while I survived an explosion before winning a civil rights case in court. This was all in a dream.
PTSD’s permanent address is at my home
Compensation and Review Board is the name given to a panel of persons with the Veterans’ Administration that recommends whether a disability rating should be approved for a deserving veteran.
True Love can Quench Allison’s Desire #1
Your “Beloved,” is what you need. You yearn and long for Him, don’t you?
Always have, always will.
my love longs for ever more
Some words, phrases, even entire messages look different through the lens of time. Take this feeling I expressed to a friend half-way around the world about the “yearning” I felt on reading Sufi poems for the first time. It moved me so much that I “penned” my own feelings of life-long “longing” to be with, what the Sufis call, “my Beloved” — the Higher Being that can take the shape of your Most Perfect Loved One, the Divine.  Continue reading
Dance with love where ever you find Him
I danced a Sufi “dervish whirling” at the Buddhist Center today.
New Worlds open at the turn of a page
A door to the possible mysteries of life opened slightly yesterday. My friend, Joy, introduced me to the Kabbalah.
JhanaJian Skypes My Wild Imagination
How often do we get inspired by the words of another? A comment? A reply? A post that moves you to go deep within yourself and pull up some heart-felt reaction to another’s idea, image or creation?
Cat’s Meow: ‘Thank you, I Love you too!’
I’m a “Cat Person.” Always been as far back as I can remember. Grew up with the felines rubbing up against the legs, “meowing” their concerns for the next meal or a friendly pat on the head and neck.
Let the sun shine with all our appreciation
(Cont’d from Sun shines to make up for snowed in winter)
Sun Shines Bright with Only One Eye Opened
On and off clicks the light from the sun. On and off, on and off, and so it goes. The sun winning this playful skirmish with tall objects on the Earth below. Light to dark, light to dark flashes before my eye. (Got an eye patch “over me left eye, young Mr. Hawkins,” like Long John Silvers from Treasure Island, but mine’s from a detached retina, and not from pirating!) Something is causing some effect on a part of my brain as my good pupil enlarges and decreases like a strobe light at a Heavy Metal concert with me thrown into a mosh pit.
Sun shines to make up for snowed in winter
Played “peek-a-boo” with the sun and shade this morning. On the road from Ambler to Conshohocken, PA, I engaged Old Sol in a game the Almighty must have created for mankind’s appreciation. Why else would God — who caused the sun to come into being from some huge cosmic explosion — have invented shadows? It’s all part of His Love for us humans!
‘Rock Star’ lightens the hold on this Life
I squeeze the malachite stone as if it was one of those “stress” balls used to relieve tension and exercise the forearm.
Malachite rocks me & all of my chakras
Con’td from Time travel a stone’s throw (or hold) away
Never thought I’d experience a vision of prehistoric times while attending a “stone reading,” but that’s exactly what happened Friday. And my attraction to the Malachite rock has grown as I feel its calming influence each time I handle it.
Continue reading
Time travel a stone’s throw (or hold) away
A vision of prehistoric man appears as I meditate with a Malachite stone in my hand. I am that person, that man who is bare-chested and hairy in this meditative “dream.” So much hair growing at my chest and back I initially think I’m wearing a covering over my upper body. The hair on my head is long, tangled and unwashed. Don’t think I ever combed it, even with my fingers, let alone use some devise to run through the matted hair follicles.
Rooster attacks out of need for Love & Play
The “Sombitch” turned twelve yesterday (March 12, 2010). He celebrated his 12-month-old birth on Earth by repeatedly attacking a black umbrella with a sharp, pointed metal top.
Oh Lovers: Never, Never Abandon Love
I close my eyes and my Sufi teacher guides me.
When Spirit moves you, kneel & adore Him
Already kneeling while sweeping litter from the powder room floor where the cats spilled, I sat back on my haunches. A clean commode beckoned to me. Yeah, I felt a “calling“ from this white porcelain-based ancestor of the old “WC” (“water closet” to the Baby-Boomers who called it the “John” or simply the toilet).
Grass always greener on non-paved side
For a better over-all life, PLEASE STAY “ON” THE GRASS.
Sufi Love fondly remembered at a ‘Dhikr’
I focus on my hands clasped together in front of my lower chest, with one good eye barely open and the other hidden behind a black eye-patch.
I am “whirling.” Circling on a carpeted floor at a Quaker Meeting Hall room going round and round. No dizziness this, my second time out. I project a feeling of Love and “nudge out‘” fears of falling and/or appearing awkward and uncoordinated. I am dancing with my “Beloved,” as a dervish man displaying his affection to the Oneness of the Universe, the Glory of the Spirit.
Contoveros 