I feel a bit of God in a good healthy sigh.
It could be that all animals do, and it helps us relax for a millisecond before exhaling. The longer I exhale, the longer I feel the Presence.
City differences create a variety in my life
Cherry-Chocolate
Soda
I’d give anything to taste the flavor of a that drink again.
Not the ones from a bottle. A soda fountain drink! Nothing compares to the delicious mixture of “realchocolate” and cherry syrups combined with that seltzer-like substance that produced a drink that could have originated only in Paradise.
Continue readingAl Brown Taught me a Lesson of a Lifetime
I always looked up to Al Brown. I met him when I was only eight-and-a-half years old in the 1950s. Nowadays, I guess you would call him a “community organizer,” someone in the neighborhood a person could turn to with questions about the block, the new and older people who lived on your street. Like that section of Brewerytown where I grew up in North Philadelphia.
Seeing improves with my cataract removal
My “Fishbowl” Look is Gone.
So is my astigmatism. Not to mention a cataract in my left eye.
Bliss arises in cherishing of another’s woes
An African American woman showed me how to take on the suffering of the world during a five-day retreat on perfecting perpetual peace in my soul.
Retreat calls me to go away to go within
Going within starts with the right intention.
Hope to realize this on a five-day retreat today.
Out for Jury Duty; Please leave a message
Dharma Wheel marks birth May 27, 2010
Continue reading
‘Letting go’ today frees me for tomorrow
Taking a step today that scares me. Going to become an “Initiate“ Buddhist at a morning ceremony. Do a prostration, touch my forehead to the floor, and recognize a Power greater than myself.
That’ll be the easy part. Saw enough Catholic priests drop to the church floor during a 40-hour service that I’m used to seeing American Buddhist ladies and gentlemen do the ritual at the Chenrezig Tibetan Buddhist Center of Philadelphia.
‘Do the right thing’–do what’s right for you
Part II from Escaping-Brewerytown
The moment of truth came down to one question: “Who else was with you?”
I looked to the floor and didn’t answer until the head of a juvenile aid panel from Philadelphia Family Court asked me to speak up.
Escaping Brewerytown in 1 piece not easy
I never took my eyes off the gun. The man’s hand shook. I was afraid it would go off. Raising my own hands, I prayed that he would not shoot, and said “I’m coming out,” slowly climbing out of the window, placing one foot on the ground and then the other as I exited the ACME supermarket warehouse building two blocks from my home. Continue reading
Love generates within for no reason at all
I Tasted Love before I ever “Entered” an Age of Reason.
I had not reached 7, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was attending a birthday party for a friend of my brother, John, who is two years older than me. Her name was Carolyn, and the love I felt came from her sister, Regina Gross, who the older kids enjoyed “fixing up” with me, her school classmate.
‘Garlic’s imprint’ holds many limitations
A friend dreamed she could not swim well in water, and had to return to the shore or face peril. It seems the dream reflected her real life. (See “to be me.”) She said she was not a very good swimmer, and she wondered why — even in one’s dream — we impose such limitations on ourselves?
I told her about a spiritual teacher who described this dilemma differently, using a piece of garlic as an example of a “delusion” that one can learn to remove from his or her eyes to see a much brighter and clearer pathway in the world.
Need a Joyful Effort to Remove Delusions
‘Sound Bath’ Calms & Heals us with Love
I feel a healing begin, as tears form, and I am so grateful to release what’s building inside — something so wonderful it becomes too good to contain.
I wish I were bigger. I’d have a greater capacity to handle the joy that’s flowing to all parts of my body. It’s like a liquid, this healing I feel, almost palpable like an elixir that cures each and every doubt, concern, and thought from one’s past or future.
Love & compassion’s for all God’s creatures
Did not know what a Buddhist sangha could mean to me, until four of us aspiring students focused on a multi-colored insect at lunch, discussed its past and future life-aspects, and showed compassion to a sentient being whom we might have swatted away before gaining our insight on Sunday.
Freedom of Religion depends on religion
Read some comments attacking the Dalai Lama on someone’s Blog which championed freedom of religion on its website.
Noticed it also pushed for a vote against gay marriage in California.
I guess freedom of religion, in that world, is only for those whose beliefs and way of life is like his own. Hate to see it extended to people with different views who really don’t deserve it, is the message he’s encouraging.
That’s the American way, though, isn’t it? Freedom of religion as long as it’s my religion?
I’m heartily sorry for having offended Thee
“Michael J,
The biggest lie you ever told was that you could say something about sexual orientation and not hurt someone whose way of life might be different from yours. You said you lied when you told an ex-girlfriend that you were gay to avoid having sex with someone you were not ready to have a long-term commitment.
Courtroom awakens karma understanding
One of the most humbling times in my life occurred in Court.
Philadelphia Police Sgt. Washington motioned to me that he wanted to talk. This was odd, I represented the “other side” as a public defender whose client was the defendant charged in an auto theft case. Washington was the arresting police officer whose testimony would ensure a conviction.
Going back home sans the Maidenform bra
What’s the biggest lie you ever told?
I’m talking “whopper” now. None of the “little white lies” kinda story. But one that would qualify as a Bold-Faced LIE!
Mine was to an ex-girlfriend. Not a lie to hide, I had been with another girl. Or why I forgot an anniversary or her birthday.
Values don’t change in impermanent world
I was 18 when I asked Janet to marry me, and she turned my request down flat.
We were never romantically involved, even though I’m sure a mutual love would have grown out of our teenage friendship.
Saigon Lady offers wisdom at check out
Saigon Lady taught me about Life and Buddhism last night.
Continue reading
Dance floor good place to learn to play ball
Two girls fought over me once.
Well, it really wasn’t me that caused the fight. It was my dance steps.
Hit upside the head provides a life lesson
The detective hit me across the face with a back hand, and I knew I was in trouble. Blood formed on my lower lip. I let it flow, not taking my eyes from this man who gained my immediate attention with a force he evidently knew how to use on some wise-ass kid not being straight with him.
Hopping Trains Fools No One but Myself
I’ll Never Hop a Train Again.
Got dragged and nearly fell beneath a train before finally letting go of a freight car’s metal handholds. Don’t know how far my legs scraped and bumped along the wooden beams and fistfuls of rocks strewn from track to track. Don’t remember how long I lay on the ground, long after the train rolled by, thanking God for letting such a foolish boy like me continue to live.
Dream of Swinging on a Star Rings Out
Part II Smith’s Playground inspires years later
Reaching out with my right hand, I’d grab the metal ring. I would stand on my toes to pull it closer to the wooden platform I was balanced on. Gotta pull the ring back. Pull it so I can get the proper swing to the next ring. If you glide out without an extra pull, you’d fall short and drop to the ground, a failure.
Dream of Smith’s Playground Inspires Me
Childhood long gone, I’d dream about the “monkey swing” at Smith’s Playground whenever I wanted to achieve something worthwhile in my life. I’d see myself climb from one achievement to another, always going forward as I stretched out an arm to grab one metal ring and then the next one on down the line.
Blogging creates craving when ‘Net’s down
I’m hooked. Couldn’t go an hour without needing a “fix.” I wonder how many others this phenomena effects? And how dangerous this addiction could be to my health?
I can’t stay away from my Blog. My need to go on the computer is a little frightening. I feel lost without being able to tap into what has become a major part of my life.
Cyberspace
Unconditional love comforts a Buddha cat
Sundance sneezed five times. Shouldn’t have surprised me. I “felt” I was helping her as she lay across my legs, jettisoning hundreds of microscopic objects onto my leg and arm where her small furry head had just rested.  Continue reading
PTSD Creates New ‘Cause and Condition’
Causes and Conditions.
That’s what Life is all about.
Causes and Conditions.
The sooner I realize this,
the easier it will be to
Reach Enlightenment.  Continue reading
Remember to enjoy the ride getting ‘there’
I entered the “Twilight Zone” yesterday.
Drove full of gusto to complete a task before visiting a doctor in the early afternoon. Only to realize by the time I turned onto the major road, I forgot where I was going.
And worse, why!
Getting ‘Fired’ up for Singing Debut on TV
Mister JR Johnson fired me when he caught me “entertaining” friends at his place of business.
He waited until the end of the shift on Friday and told me my days (actually, nights) as a stripper were over. I tried to explain, apologize for my actions, but that evening it was to no avail.
It hung over me that weekend. But did little to dim one of the brightest moments of my life.
Cock-Sure Rooster Leads in Race to Hades
They stood eye-ball to eye-ball, only inches away.
One stretched, only to see the other match the move immediately, with nary an eye blink, nor a muscle flinch.
There was a meanness in their beady eyes. And if looks could kill, both would be lying dead where they stood.
Time to get back into the swim of life now
Thirty-Six Laps!
The “kid” still got it. Swam 36 laps this afternoon, the first time I’ve exercised in four months.
What? It’s been four months since I been to LA Fitness. Four months since I hit the Olympic-size pool, take in the whirlpool, as well as spend time in the sauna? Actually, spent more than 15 minutes in the sauna to get rid of all the “toxins” people tell me I need to get out of my system.
Mary’s Tears help Battle Flashbacks of War
The only thing that seemed to help Mary was the tears.
The act of crying seemed to “loosen up” and cushion the fear and anxiety that would strike her unexpectantly. Every time she’d hear a siren, she’d feel her chest tighten, her palms sweat, and her heartbeat race. “Twenty minutes” she’d say and look at a watch or a clock. It will all be over in 20 minutes. The world as she knew it would all be over. Destroyed by nuclear war.
Immigration Stories Hit Closer to Home
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Inspired by an open letter my friend Kim prepared for politicians, I started to think about some immigrants I have known in my life. My favorite was my dad, as well as my aunts and uncles from Greece, followed closely by my grandmother on my mother side, who came to America from a town in Germany or Hungary, depending on the political map of that day. Continue reading
The point of Not Guilty plea is ‘no points’
Answers to Questions about Vietnam War
This Veteran tells a Student about the War
Continue readingOld love songs morph into new spirituals
A soldier bows in salute to heartfelt words
A Soldier, and No One Else!
It was the soldier who gave you freedom of the press, not the reporter
It was the soldier, not the poet, who gave you freedom of expression
Light shines here from a tip of the candle
‘Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle, illuminating the way for the whole nation.
‘Awake’ Now from the War of Thunder
The Outcome Doesn’t Matter
50 chews per bite is goal, not meals’ end!
The outcome doesn’t matter
Imperfect clergy always been kinda cool
I could never be a clergyman.
I curse too much.
Damn it!
See. I can’t go 12 words without letting out some sort of “expleted deleted word,” even one as mild as a “damn.”
‘Cost of War’ explodes at Omega Institute
I loathe my inconsistencies on grief, and how I dealt with death and injuries while serving in the military.
I blame the Army for not giving me the chance to mourn someone on first hearing of their senseless death. I blame myself for choosing to be a good soldier and not a compassionate human being, placing country first — before God and humanity.
War guilt haunts veteran year after year
I knew something was wrong when I saw the radio operator’s face. He handed me the mike attached to the bulky radio strapped on his back. The private, new in-country, made no eye contact, and was hesitant in his actions.
I identified myself by a “call sign” and heard someone say in a code that the leader of the third platoon had just been wounded, and that I was ordered to move my first platoon to give him assistance.
Merging Two into One Okay, Michael J
“Belief in God, and
following Buddhism
is not incompatible.”
Grief delayed me while in military service
I was in the Army less than a week when the news hit me. I had my head shaven; my civilian clothes exchanged for fatigue pants and a shirt, not to mention boots and headgear, something I had never worn before in my life.
Got drafted on the Third of June, the day that Billie Jo McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge! I was 19 years old in 1968 — knew no one — and was away from my Philadelphia, PA, home for the first time.
Hudson River magic calls me to Omega
Got a check for $9 in the mail yesterday. It was for travel expenses on a trip I took five months ago. It came to me like magic. I must have lost it in the IKEA store of Conshohocken, and it just appeared out of nowhere for my return trip.
Back to the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. A campus in Rhinebeck, NY, where I will return today (April 21, 2010) for another retreat on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Be ‘Gentle,’ not Meek, to Inherit the Earth
Ever meet someone who wanted to grow up “Meek?”
You know, as in “the ‘Meek‘ shall inherit the Earth?”
“Eat your Wheaties, and you too can become as Meek as Babe Ruth,” is a jingle I bet you never heard out of Madison Avenue. Or how about “The Army builds meek men one body at a time?”
Old warriors share PTSD woes with young
Never thought of myself as a “warrior.” Wasn’t that a term used by Third World tribes or ancient civilizations building empires on one war after another?
A warrior was someone who didn’t mind taking another life, or at least someone trained to dwell not on any moral implications of war. Warriors were as much a part of life as shopkeepers, scholars, and clerics. All served society. All provided some good, didn’t they?
Sutta Nipata calls me to Omega Institute
Will return to Omega Institute this week for a 5-day Retreat to meditate on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with veterans led by the Rev. Claude AnShin Thomas, an ordained Buddhist monk and a Vietnam War veteran.
Jump at Chance to Finally Let Your Self Go
John 13. Verses 3-4 says:
“So during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.”
Meditate and it will ‘erase’ all but the Now
Ruby,
You tell me you wish that we could have an eraser in our lives to go back and “Erase Our Mistakes.”
Over and over and over. Because we tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Meditation can “erase” a lot.
Focus on Nothing but the Very Present
I focus on the present. Gently nudge out thoughts of yesterday and the future and try to keep my senses on the “now.” I listen to sounds, feel the chair beneath my legs and butt, as well as my hands on my lap and the air around me. I let the itch remain “unscratched” and it goes away.
Mistakes don’t seem to matter. At least when I ease myself into the moment and away from the chattering nabobs of negativism. All dissolve, drift away.
Forgiveness Granted from the Divine
I “flow” with my breath, following it in and out of my nostrils, “feeling” it in the upper front part of my skull, all the time “forgiving” myself for not meeting my expectations and/or making the plans for tomorrow. The “Divine” in me grants absolution without the “Hail Mary’s” and the “Our Fathers.”
And I go and sin no more.
Until the next couple of breaths.
—————-
And I do it all over again!
Michael J
For more see: Finding my way back
Writing clears up the ‘clogged up’ space
Josie,
Writing opens my sinuses.
Well, maybe not really.
But it does open an awareness through a part of my body that seemed to have been “clogged up” or “stuck” just a few seconds before I started to put ideas out for someone to see on paper.
Always Look Within, To Now See Outside
Put a finger on ‘Sa Ta Na Ma’ Meditation
Got a quick “fix” for you. But don’t try to finger this “hit” unless you’re alone, or with someone you trust.
It is what I call a “tactile chant.” Oh, I know what you’re going to say. Here’s more New Age stuff. Another scam for the public. Spiritual babble for a get-rich scheme. But you’d be wrong. Dead wrong. About something that could enhance your Life!
Loving, Longing, Yearning for My Beloved
When will I see my Beloved? To feel arms surround me, a touch to comfort me, the warmth of an embrace to shelter me from any harm man can devise against another.
I seek protection in those arms. The reward You bestow for simply living, for being alive in the moment when my Love ripens and blossoms, nurtured like a flower by Your sun during the day, and Your cool breeze to help petals close at night.
Need spiritual evolution now, not hereafter
A body speaks its mind to free and heal you
Take a risk; a new you may emerge from it!
A card turned over as I accidentally moved my hand to uncover four other small cards randomly picked from a tray on the carpeted floor. Sitting in the Lotus position with a legless “cloth” chair to support my back, I leaned over to read the card.
“Risk” is all that it said. There was a tiny picture of an angel that somehow reminded me of pre-teen girls who just gave up playing with dolls and turned to thoughts of Celestial Beings. Not the Old Testament God Almighty with Fire and Brimstone, but the soft, gentle “Angels” that serve as guardians.
Recalling a Few (25) of My Favorite Things
I wish all of our days could be filled with memories of the greatest moments of our lives. None of mine would go down in history or make it into Guinness Book of World Records.
But each is worth its weight in gold, a treasure of memories that anyone, even a prisoner serving a life-sentence behind bars, is free to recall anytime, anyplace.
I dig chicks: all eight that just hatched!
2010 Time Capsule: Nick’s HS Class Trip
Fowl locked up after spiritual book bash
The rooster rushed me as I turned my back. I had just gotten two paperback books from the mailbox and was preparing to feed him.
He got right into my face. Literally, as I bent to ward off his assault with the only protection I held in my hands. The books.
Make yourself a clean, well-lighted place
There’s nothing like a clean, well-lighted sink.
Got three of them shining the other day. I usually wipe one every morning I shower, removing the half-used toothpaste drops, moustache trimmings and occasional pieces of hair from a head that doesn’t need to lose any more. Hair, that is.
40 years later, I learn about ‘Nothing’
It took me 40 years, but I think I finally realized what John Lennon was saying in one of the last songs he wrote and sang with the Beatles.
“Nothing,” a term used by Eastern mystics, was the meditative “void” he meant, when saying “it” was going to “change my world.” You remember the lyric and haunting melody, if not the words of the song. A movie using the title was made: “Across the Universe.”
Writing the old-fashioned way inspires me
Prolific is as Prolific Does.
Got inspired to write while working on my third cup of coffee. I wait the 90 minutes I’ve given to a meeting I scheduled at IKEA in Conshohocken, PA, for Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP).  Continue reading
Now is when path and goal merge as one
Remembering the Greatest Time of my Life
Miracle copies manifest at Philly VA Center
Does the Universe conspire to create minor miracles on a given day? Yes. But only if you believe in modern-day miracles.
I experienced several on February 16, 2010, with the last manifesting over a two-day period in the history of miracles for Contoveros. (For the series, see Rooster helps open path to miraculous day)
Acupuncture pitches ‘halvies’ to a Vet
Had an “out-of-body” experience.
Twice. Once on my stomach, the other on my back. Got “acupunctured.” Second time for my back. First for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Back got punctured a dozen times in various parts of the body, starting in areas other than the back.
‘Yes’ you can ‘Whirl’ & ‘Close’ to a Jury
My “performance” complete, I drop to my chair, taking deep breaths, trying to avoid showing what the past action has cost me.
Dolphins display love as human escorts
Don’t let Love speed away; but yield slowly
Cont’d from Part I, Dolphins display love as human escorts
VA Hearing raises PTSD questions of trust
Why do I feel the VA (Veterans Administration) likes to push my face into the mud every once in a while? Like treating me like a number, not a person, another Vietnam War survivor that someone on some staff gets paid for seeing, stamping and shuffling off after extracting information to satisfy the Great Bureaucracy.
Allison’s creating colors for life’s canvas
Three Mile Island erupts with memories
‘I wanna go home’ starts & ends within
On reading “I wanna go home,” I was moved to respond about Love Within: Continue reading
All life needs is a warm touch to survive
Kim, you inspire me to lose meaty issues
You never know where your thoughts may take you when you blog. A reply to another’s post may become your “post of the day” if you’re not careful. Or, if another person writings inspire you to reveal your self . . . Continue reading
Words to live by, not to state them by
Governor destroyed in the dark of a dream
PTSD’s permanent address is at my home
Compensation and Review Board is the name given to a panel of persons with the Veterans’ Administration that recommends whether a disability rating should be approved for a deserving veteran.
True Love can quench Ali son’s desire #1
my love longs for ever more
Some words, phrases, even entire messages look different through the lens of time. Take this feeling I expressed to a friend half-way around the world about the “yearning” I felt on reading Sufi poems for the first time. It moved me so much that I “penned” my own feelings of life-long “longing” to be with, what the Sufis call, “my Beloved” — the Higher Being that can take the shape of your Most Perfect Loved One, the Divine. Continue reading
Contoveros 