Defense Attorney Regrets His Prosecution

All of my legal career involved defending someone charged with crimes or offenses against the law. I worked 20 years as a lawyer, trying more than a hundred jury trials, winning more than half of them.

But to be honest, my first taste of arguing the law came not as a defense lawyer, but as a prosecutor, one appointed by some colonel to bring charges against a buck private who broke a law and faced a summary offense for some minor infraction.

      I knew the young man. He was in the company in which I served as a training officer in Fort Polk, LA.

     I even liked the kid.

 

  • gavel

    I was “Out of Order.”

I disliked having to “go after” him, but I took my oath to defend the US Constitution seriously. And I zealously presented the facts before a JAG lawyer serving as a judge.

I can’t tell you how many times the judge — someone actually trained in the law as opposed to me, a Second Lieutenant with no college degree not to mention no law degree — admonished me for walking around the makeshift courtroom, pretending I was a Perry Mason cross-examining a witness. I was ordered to remain within three feet of a podium.

That restriction initially chilled my presentation, but I used my arms to wave and point into the air to get my thoughts across.

     I secured a conviction. Something I fought against some twenty years later as a Philadelphia public defender.

But there was no celebration. And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have taken the assignment but feigned an illness, if at all possible.

     And that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, So Help Me God!

Cause of All Wars Questioned in Confederate Flag Controversy

     President Barack Obama may have raised an issue on all wars when he eulogized a fallen comrade on June 26, 2015, at the funeral for the pastor of the AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina.

     While never detracting from the valor that Confederate Soldiers fought with in the Civil War, he offered a plain and simple truth.

The Cause they Fought For was Wrong.

     The cause their leaders created to secede from the union was wrong. Wanting to uphold slavery as the economic foundation for the South’s way of life was wrong.

     It was wrong hundreds of years ago in our nation, just as it was wrong thousands of years ago when Jews, Greeks, and other defeated people were enslaved by others. It was wrong in the time of the Moses as it was in the time of Lincoln.

wrong

Symbols like the Confederate flag, which support slavery, should be removed from all public places. They’re wrong to ever be displayed.

——-

What about other wars that leaders of powerful armies ordered their soldiers to fight in? Were any of them “wrong,” and can we as a God-fearing country ever admit to it?

I’m speaking about the Vietnam War in my time. I fought for what my leaders convinced our nation was the right thing to do. I never questioned their reasons or the basis for their belief.

But history has shown that they were wrong. The cause was wrong. And that the leaders of the resistance movement in Vietnam were right. Their cause was right. Admitting this does not detract from the bravery “our side” showed in the war. Nor does it prevent my prodigy from honoring my efforts in battle.

We can honor the veteran who placed himself in harm’s way at the same time we correct the mistaken belief the infallibility of a government, any government.

Just as we can honor the veterans of the Iraq War while agreeing that our reasons for the invasion and occupation of that land were wrong. Dead wrong.

It’s the right thing to do!

——-

(The Confederate flag flew for the last time at the South Carolina state grounds on July 10, 2015 when it was removed and placed in a museum following an order signed by the governor and passed by an overwhelming vote by the state senate and the legislature.)
(In addition, Mississippi became the last state in our nation to remove the Confederate emblem from its state flag in June 2020.)

Achilles Contoveros spoke with his hands

      We could never have had a delicate coffee table in our home when I was growing up. My dad – who came to America from Greece when he was only 15-years-old – would smash his hand onto the table, breaking it in two or more pieces.  Continue reading

Open yourself to hear the Universe speak

Listen to what the Universe is saying. It may speak to you in ways you might not understand unless you’re open to all means of communication. 

I personally try to go with the flow. For instance, I planned to take money out of a fund created for my son more than 20 years ago to pay for four new tires on his car. They cost more than a thousand dollars. I called the firm that held his stocks and had obtained the necessary paperwork to sell off 30 stocks to get $1,200.

I misplaced the paperwork and no matter where I looked for it, I couldn’t find it.

stargate-universe-logo

Opening to the Universe needs to be practiced daily!

I believe that I am being told by forces around me and within me that use of my son’s savings is not the source to get the money. I’m listening to something that is more than just a coincidence. It is a guidance, a nudge into a direction other than the one I had planned to go.

I’m listening to the Universe. And I’ll seek a different avenue for the accomplishment of my task.

——

     It can be as simple as that. But only if you open your true self to listening in different ways!

     Listen. You can Hear the Universe Speak if You but Let It . . .

All senses call out to me when meditating

Meditate mind

Closing my eyes, I open all my senses to group meditation!

     The smell of lavender and a hint of myrrh greet me as I walk into the meditation room. I had not expected my sense of smell to be the first one to experience such a warm and inviting welcome. I should not have been surprised. The olfactory system is the first sensory organ I usually use, and I’m not too proud to state I am usually led by the nose. 

     Essential oils are sold at the site and sprayed from small blue bottles to elevate a person’s mood as soon as they walk into the Inner Light Holistic Center, just north of Pottstown, PA.

     It was that way in church too, I seem to recall. The priest would burn the incense and wave the gold encased device back and forth as I followed him in the procession as one of several altar boys. The incense always made me feel holy, if one can actually experience such a state. I felt uplifted and “in the right place” if you know what I mean.

     Well, the second sense that touched on the mediation room was through my hearing. There was a low melodic sound coming from speakers situated in each corner of the room. It provided the sounds of soft flutes and drums mixed with a heavenly sound of high-pitched voices, Angel-like voices that seemed to call out to me to humble myself before the greatest power the Universe had ever heard or seen.

Fellow Meditators Offer Warm Greetings

     I saw my fellow meditators. They were full of smiles and sparkling eyes as they greeted me and either gave me a hug or a hearty handshake or both.

     I grabbed a cup and filled it with ginger tea, a warm beverage that woke up my sense of taste with its unique flavor. (I made sure I got another one upon leaving to sip on the way home. I have learned that there’s nothing quite like it!)

     Finally, I slowly maneuver to one of the chairs left out in a circle. Sitting, I feel the warmth of the padded substance against my butt and upper thighs. I relax my arms over my thighs and assume the position and . . .

     I disappear into another world, one of a spiritual essence that’s been calling out to me all day long, all my lifelong, it seems. I become one with all and love with all my heart and soul.

     I wish the whole Universe happiness and the urge to someday join me and my fellow seekers.

Listen for the ‘Wisdom You’re Born With’

Listen to Yourself.

     Close your eyes and go within and listen to the Sounds of Silence. 

     Disregard the constant jabbering of the Monkey Mind that doesn’t seem to know when to shut up. Pay no heed to it, and it will dissipate like a cloud on a windy day.   

      Let yourself drift like a feather gently seeking its way to the ground without the help of anything or anybody.

     While softly settling in, focus on your breath. Feel it as it expands in the upper body area and then leaves through the inhalation of the nostrils. Be aware of the movement in the chest, the abdomen, or just in the cavity behind the nose, the mouth, and the eyes.

064_64

Source of Goodness Is Within

     Use that breath as an anchor. Become so familiar with it so that you can gently nudge your attention back to it when your mind slips from the silent stillness and seeks to cling to a thought, an idea, or a concept.

Let Them All Go.

———-

     It is in this “Deep Silence” that you can discover the Source of Life. You’ll know it when you touch it. Like magic, you’ll realize that for a moment you have no worries and no desires. You will be exactly where you need to be and know that everything is just right — right now — now in the moment.

     By stilling the mind and touching the Source, you’ll be able to contact the Wisdom You Were Born With. It is the wisdom of love and compassion with an understanding that we are all one, all together in a universe that works in union with us and all other sentient beings. This wisdom offers unconditional love and acceptance and provides the creative spark your intuition can tap into once you seek its counsel and guidance.

     Got the message?

     Now try it again and again.

     Practice it daily and then share it with friends who are seeking to find their true selves. It will help you and me attain the happiness we’ve been yearning for all of our lives.

True Love Passed Over for a Child’s Sake

   

     Peggy sat at the table of the Blue Jay Restaurant, staring out the window and wondering where her life had gone and what she should do with her new condition. 

She had hoped that the signs she felt from her body were false and that she was simply sick. But she knew from what happened to her older sister that there was no getting around the truth.

     Peggy was pregnant. The man she surrendered her virginity to had helped her to conceive a child. It was a dream she had had since childhood and nursed along since reaching puberty.

But he was not the man she had hoped for. He was much older than her. She was 21 years old and got to know him while working at the pizza store, he operated along Girard Avenue in the heart of North Philadelphia, where Peggy was raised and hoped to leave someday.

Plans Change when Reality Changes

Romantic love discarded for the sake of child-rearing

Now her plans for the immediate future would change. She’d be forced to make choices that would alter her dreams and the bright tomorrow she had hoped to see on reaching adulthood.

No, she would not seek an abortion. Peggy was raised Catholic, and she would not consider such an action, which the church considered a mortal sin. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t know where to seek such a procedure, having little or no contact with any women’s movement that could possibly guide her with her situation.

—————

Give birth to a child out of wedlock? No. Place the child somewhere through an adoption agency? No.

She’d get married to a man who she knew could be a good provider and a good father. If all went well, he’d be a good friend.

Still in Love With Her Old Boyfriend

So, what if she didn’t love him? So, what if she still cared for her old boyfriend, the one she and others believed would one day get married and settle down? He was in the Army awaiting orders to go to the  Vietnam War, and who knew if he would ever return, or if he did, whether he’d still be the boy she had given her heart to.

No, she knew it was better this way.

Better for all concerned, better for all parties forever more.

     Wasn’t it?

Abraham Calls Me to the Law of Attraction

I met Abraham up close and personal yesterday, and I learned the universe had called me to study the Law of Attraction as voiced by Esther Hicks, the one who channeled for the spirits guiding us back to the Source within. 

Abraham then kicked me off the stage at the Philadelphia Renaissance Hotel. I never felt so loved for such a wonderful public rejection. I felt like Groucho Marx, who never wanted to belong to a club that would have him as a member.

Abraham knew — the Spirits knew — that I could take it, and it got a good laugh from the more than 500 people in the auditorium at the International Airport Hotel in my hometown.

Seeing Into my Very Soul through Abraham

     “I don’t know why I am here,” I told the person used by Abraham to communicate. It was one Esther Hicks who called me to the stage, adjusted a microphone, and peered into my eyes as if seeing my very soul. I had bowed to Esther upon running up the steps to take what followers call the “hot seat.” I bowed out of respect to the person in front of me, as well as to the wisdom and compassion the spirits inside of Esther had provided a handful of us who visited with her.

     I told her I was a member of the Philadelphia Abraham-Hicks group formed on Meetup, but was a newcomer, having only attended two meetings. Three or four of my fellow Meetup friends were in the audience, and I imagined I heard them saying a prayer for me.

The next thing I recall was this booming voice that came from this beautiful woman dressed in a black skirt and blouse with a silk shawl covering her shoulders and the top of her chest and arms. I was astonished when she looked at me and said in such a loud voice :

“You Were Called.

Utter silence echoed through the room. The only sound heard was the hum from an air conditioning unit attached to the ceiling. I felt a warmth fill me from head to toe. I became sated and felt as if I had finally come home.

I bowed to Esther and to Abraham while seated and was getting out of my chair when I thought I’d ask another question or two.

     Stupid Michael J., you had your chance. Abraham answers questions with the precision of a scientist, using creatures like me to teach mankind to seek the “vibration” and to align one’s upper self with the Source, which I took to be the Creator — or for others, Allah or maybe the Supreme Being. (You can take your pick for whatever label you’re more comfortable with, or no label at all!)

“I do have another question,” I blurted out, trying to ingratiate myself with the powerful force behind the voice.

Oh no,” Esther said. She indicated that they were done with me and tried as I might to stay, but the spirits were insistent. I gave in, stood up, and bowed to the lovely woman on the stage.

Victory Achieved through a Salute and a Smile

But turning to the audience, I raised my arm in a victory salute and smiled the biggest smile a Greek boy could smile from beneath his newly purchased straw hat.

I know what I want and where I’m going now. I hope to use the “Wisdom I was Born With” to return to the Source and share love and happiness with everyone.

Come along and get aligned with me!

Buddhism is Simple Love and Awareness

What do you tell a person who wants to know about Buddhism?

What books do you recommend? What authors?

Should she look into mindfulness first, or jump right into a form of Zen Buddhism or the Tibetan Buddhism of the Dalai Lama? 

     Belva, my new Internet “pen pal” and former sister-in-law, asked me about it. I suggested any books by Thich Nhat Hahn or by His Holiness, Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama. Don’t buy a book new. Get one used or from the library, I said, being a frugal veteran on a fixed income.

But now I wonder if I should have mentioned Jon Kabat-Zinn and any of his books on meditation. I figured one can’t really understand Buddhism unless one tries to meditate. Meditation is the foundation of most of the Buddhism I have studied. You must work on the preliminaries before moving on to the more complex forms of this philosophy, which can also be a religion.

Sharon Salzburg Book Opens me to Hope

I just read a book on faith by a meditation teacher Sharon Salzburg which introduced me to another aspect of Buddhism. I learned of “fixated hope” and the different versions of faith. Fixated hope is when you hope for a specific outcome, rather than hope and trust for an outcome that would be in the best interest of someone or some situation

     “Bright faith” is a state of “love-filled delight in possibilities.” And then there is “verifying faith” where you don’t accept anything merely because it was passed down by tradition or written in some holy book. 

————-

Put it into practice. See for yourself if it is true.

     These are the words the Buddha advised his followers some 2,600 years ago.

Beliefs come from outside of yourself, Ms. Salzburg said. Faith comes from within. Beliefs cling, while faith lets go.

Lastly, there is “abiding faith,” one that is “bone-deep” and a “lived understanding” of our ideals and how to put those ideals into an action that we know is true. We intend our faith and action to stem from what is called our “Buddha Nature” or what Christians call the “Christ Consciousness.” We try to live each moment of that nature with the two wings of love and awareness of compassion and wisdom.

   Non-Attachment to Everything is a Good Start

Eventually, I can tell Belva that awareness and unconditional love are both based on non-attachment to everything, every thought, and every feeling. Not in a negative, nihilistic way, but without the intrusion of any prejudice or bias, without holding onto an experience or pushing it away. She would soon learn that nothing is permanent, things are constantly changing and in flux, and that nothing exists in and of itself, but is dependent on some other thing, some other phenomenon.

But what else should I say? What other advice should a practitioner offer to a novice on this journey?

What would you say? What would you offer? How did you start working out your own salvation along this path? Please leave a message to share with all of us with “Beginner’s Minds. Thank you!

Lucid dream opens a new world to explore

     I dreamed a lucid dream for the first time in my life last night.

     I’ve tried to experience a lucid dream– one where you tell yourself in the dream that you are dreaming — for more than five years after reading about dream interpretations by Carl G. Jung, the eminent psychiatrist who studied with Sigmund Freud.  

     I tried dreaming following a Kabbalah teaching approach and then a Buddhist one. I set an intent so many times I got tired and fell asleep with nothing to show for my meager efforts except run-of-the-mill dreams mixed in with a few nightmares.

     And then I found myself chanting in the dream. I chanted the sounds of each vowel very slowly and ended the chant with the sound of “OM.”

     “Aa . . . Ee . . . Ii . . . Oo. . . Uu . .  OM.” I stretched the sounds of each letter using a full exhalation of my breath.

Chanting in Your Dream can be very Lucid

     I knew it was a lucid dream when I said to myself in the dream that I couldn’t wait to tell my teacher how I chanted in my dream

I'm dreaming this and I plan to have a lot of fun!

I’m dreaming this, and I plan to have a lot of fun!

     My teacher is Natalie Bliss, who is instructing a small group on how to balance our Chakras. She introduced the chant last week, and I tried it while in the sauna alone two days ago. Last night, I repeated it in a dream, and I feel that a  new world of dreams has finally opened to me.

     What does it all mean? I believe that I can now control a part of my dreams. I can influence whatever is causing thoughts and images to appear from my subconscious. I can redirect bad things and make them less bad and, hopefully, transform them into something good someday.

     That is what advanced Buddhist practitioners  have tried to do while dreaming. They try to change or alter their karma. They help to create good merit while dreaming. It’s kind of like developing grace through prayers from a Christian, Jewish, or Muslim background.

Work Off Bad Karma While Dreaming at Night

Just think, you can work off some of your bad karma and obtain a blessing from the Creator with your eyes closed and body slumbering away at night!

Now let’s see if I can open myself to messages from above. Let me address my better angels and set an intent to create peace and love in the world.

Who knows? I might even see you in one of the dreams. Yours or mine.

We’ll play like little kids and give each other gifts and promise to always be friends in this world, as well as any others we find ourselves awakening in. And then we’ll do it again in our next lifetime or in heaven, depending on your point of view, or however you want your dreams to come true!

I’ll be One when I finally let myself ‘Let Go’

      Could I ever be strong enough to let the more tender side of me take over and simply “Let Go“?

    We all know how tough it can be to let go of something we’ve been accustomed to all of our lives. You feel like you’re walking off a cliff or jumping out of a plane with no parachute when you consider “letting go.” You’re facing uncertainty, the unknown, the void of a black hole that’s never been explored before. Unexplored by you, that is.

Being ‘Reborn’ Without the Ego in Control

     What if there is no God to catch you in mid-flight? Must one die before being re-born without the ego being in control? 

     Perhaps that is what letting go is all about. Letting go of the thoughts, the beliefs, and the security, all of which are nothing but illusions the mind creates to keep us under wraps. Don’t be afraid to look for an answer outside of yourself, Michael J.

     Be Your “Self.”

     You don’t even know what it is, do you? You make up labels and believe yourself to be what your senses can see, hear, feel, taste, or smell. You, the poor wretched man. Don’t you know that you’re far greater than the physical plane  you exist in? You are a Spiritual Being that can learn to fly, to live, and to love.

let-go-let-god

     You knew it as a child. You felt it a long, long time ago when you were one with the universe. You knew the Divine existed in everything and in everyone, but you forgot it as you reached the age of reason and ate fruit from the tree of knowledge and got expelled from paradise.

     By letting go, you can return to that peaceful loving place some call Nirvana. You can sneak back into those holy grounds and hide out with old friends who let their spirits rise above the world below. They’re the like-minded folks you’ve gotten back in touch with just as you saw the light.

‘Letting Go’ Will Provide the Answer

     They saw your light and beckoned you to join them.

     They let go. They fell back in love with the greatest love of their lives.

     You Can Too.

     Just close your eyes, feel that warmth, and let it wash over you, permeating every inch of your body, your soul, your true self. Let the Lower one go.

Surrender.

Submit.

Be One Again.

We all know how tough it can be

Love is the only gift I can bestow on you!

     What gifts can I offer the world today? What insight, wisdom, or thought could I bestow on others seeking the healing we need for our mutual pain and suffering?

     I am no psychic. I’ve never seen an angel or felt the tingling sensation from a spirit wanting to use me to provide a message or a sign. I’m no medium. 

     And yet, I feel that the one gift I have is something that all of us possess once we humble ourselves and seek peace and tranquility inside.

     I offer you Love. A love from the bottom of my heart, from my very being. It’s a love that was implanted in me at the start of this current lifetime. It’s a love the Divine kept hidden until I was ready to see His energy in all things.

843 Free CC0 Love Stock Photos - StockSnap.io

     It is part of the same love that created this world, this universe, this reality.

It is the love that sustains us and will continue to offer blessings to all who are open to its redeeming nature.

     Accept this love. It’s really not mine. You see, it’s on loan. I get to keep but a small portion as I give most of it away. Once you feel and accept this love, I get it all back and then some.

The Gift of “Giving Love and Getting It Back!”

All I need do is still myself and go within with the overriding intent to bestow love on you and all of those you come into contact with, causing a rippling effect to bring happiness to all sentient beings. Please pass on this love and be the channel for it to flow. You’ll get the gift of love back before the day is done.

     Smile and enjoy the feeling of love glowing inside . . .

    Now, give it away and use whatever psychic powers you’ve developed to help bring about a better world, a higher sense of being one with the universe.

(Send any comments to contoveros@gmail.com)

I am All the Love I Aspire to Be Right Now!

I close my eyes, and I enter a world where nothing, but love exists within. It is a state of mind I visit more often now that I meditate early in the morning. You see, I roll over in my bed and wrap my arms around me, feeling the warmth slowly develop and then spread throughout my body. I “sense” a flow of energy — liquid energy — like a lukewarm form of lava flowing from the upper arms to my neck and back and then down through the arms, the torso, and then onto other parts of my body.  Continue reading

Do no harm and happiness will flow freely

“First, Do No Harm.”

This quote from the famous Greek of antiquity, Hippocrates, could be the basis for a new Golden Rule for the Road.  Continue reading

State of Our Spiritual Union is Flourishing

True Meaning of Life Flowering Now

     Seeds planted in the 1960s have flowered, and the Age of Aquarius has finally dawned on the world, awakening many of us to a new way of living, a new way of forgiving. The first signs of this new enlightenment began in the 1990s as the Berlin Wall fell, God revealed secrets in the Celestial Prophecy, and the mystical Wisdom of Kabbalah was made known to non-Jews and all women, regardless of age or religious backgrounds. 

     New Age dabblers learned from old age philosophers about the true meaning of life — to Know, Love and Serve God by serving each other.

* * *

JOIN IN. OPEN UP. FEEL FREE!

     We found the divine through our science.

Quantum Physics showed that our world is constantly in flux — that it is totally impermanent — yet cooperating every second with each other “individual” part making us all one whole healthy body.

We are aware now that consciousness connects everything thing in the universe and is in everything in the universe.

    Offer Compassion Through Divine Guidance

It is our duty and our honor now to share that with the rest of humanity. Our goal will be to help them remove the ignorance that nationhood instills in conformity. We will facilitate their “Awakening to the Wisdom they have Within.” Offer all compassion through guidance and a big welcome when they, too, realize that all we need is love. Love is all we ever needed now and forever amen.

Listen to the Voice of a Mystic. His madness may just resonate with the Divine in You!

What really goes into publishing your book

Ever wonder what goes into the marketing of a book before it ever hits the bookstores or gets on Amazon.com? Well, I never knew until I saw it up close and personal.

I thought you might enjoy some of the steps taken for my second book, “Ithaca Insights,” to be published through CreateSpace. Enjoy! (Note to sharp-eyed readers. I changed the title mid-way through this odyssey.)  Continue reading

Who had the biggest impact on your life?

   A Person of Spiritual Growth and Guidance  

     The person who had the biggest impact on my life was my second wife, Wendy Wright Contos. She had a 157 IQ, but never once acted as if she was better than me. She easily got angry at injustices and would, on occasion, lash out against the hypocrisy of politicians, while helping the underprivileged and the rights of women in a male-dominated society.  Continue reading

Healing others starts first with healing self

   Words of Another can help in Your Healing

 I felt a lot of healing when I read the following quote from the feminine deity: Moor Jani:

     “We all have the capacity to heal ourselves as well as facilitate the healing of others. When we get in touch with that infinite place within us where we are Whole, then illness can’t remain in the body. And because we’re all connected, there’s no reason why one person’s state of wellness can’t touch others. Elevating them and triggering their recovery. And when we heal others, we also heal ourselves and our planet.

      There is no separation except in our own minds.”

————-

Healing is one of the topics for my newest project, a retelling of Jesus’ life as a carpenter’s apprentice at age 20 in the Land of Palestine. I wrote it in less than thirty days as part of a challenge by NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to complete a novel during the 30 days of November. I completed it today, November 30th, 2014.

Dying to Be Me’ Book Explains Healing Process

The quote above is taken from a book by Anita Moorjani, from whom I just sent an e-mail telling how I used her words to explain the healing process that she described in “Dying to Be Me.” I thought it was appropriate to quote what I imagined a Hindu deity would say about healing. I named the deity Moor Jani. It is spoken by a Buddhist lama named Lobsang, who has taught the young man from Nazareth the secrets of healing through the Reiki process. (I hope to all that is holy that she’ll grant me permission to use her words)

I enjoyed writing this work of fiction.

It may take a while before I can edit it for a full viewing. I would love to send excerpts to anyone willing to offer a critique of the writing. Simply address me here at this site. Your e-mail will appear in my Gmail account, so there will be no breach of confidentiality. (You can even create a fictitious name to use, but please, do not use Donald Duck unless you’re prepared to quack about it.)

Helping Jesus as a Former Greek Slave

Here’s another taste of the manuscript. It’s from the Oracle of Delphi where Jesus and his Greek sidekick, the former slave Michael, have just gotten a prophecy delivered.

Michael stood with eyes wide open as the oracle looked him in the eyes. He blinked and had difficulty in keeping eye contact with her. She spoke two words that seemed to blend together. “Conto . . . Veros,” the young and beautiful woman continued.  “You will speak the truth. You will be called the “Singer of Truth.

Conto-Veros. The words rang in his mind as Michael felt a chill and then a warmth overtake his very being. He rolled the words around in his mouth, trying to savor the feel of them. “Con . . . to . . . Ver . . . os,” he whispered to himself, slowly pronouncing each of the four syllables. He liked the sound of it. He liked the feel of it.

But what about “writing well” or “not writing at all“? What could that mean? Only time would tell and that was not to be revealed until many years later.

Friends are there when you need them most Cropped shot of a group of friends holding hands spiritual healing stock pictures, royalty-free photos & images

All can heal and help facilitate the healing in others.” — Moorjani

Writing to end it all is just the beginning

NaNoWriMo Challenge Beckons Me Again

Goodbye. I’m leaving you after this. I felt I needed to write this because I really don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or the day after. All of it is a mystery to me. And I’m afraid. 

Yeah, this badass Vietnam veteran finally admits that he’s afraid. I got anxiety up the whazoo, if that is the correct way of spelling it. At this point, who really cares? I felt this way before. I remember what it was like going into the army. It was 1968 — the third of June – and I knew then that I was facing possible death in war. That was the day I was drafted. It was one summer removed what historians now call the hippie “Summer of Love.”

There was no love rushing through my veins then. I felt scared, just as scared as I feel now. The Vietnam War was raging. The United States suffered some of its greatest losses following the “Tet Offensive.” (If you don’t know what that is, ask some grizzly disabled veteran from that era. He’ll tell you stories that’ll knock your socks off!)

About to Write Another Book

You see, I will be entering the “Great Unknown” tomorrow. I plan to take the first step toward a goal I had set months ago in an attempt to “better” myself and possibly offer the world something that hadn’t been included before. At least, not in my lifetime.

     And that, my dear friends, is to write another novel from start to finish in thirty days!

What gives, you might be saying. Why is Contoveros trying to pull our legs? Well, I’m not. I am simply trying to share the anxiety I feel and explain how my mind is playing tricks with me ever since I decided to write another historical novel.

I feel like I’m about to walk off a cliff. There will be no land beneath my feet; no secure place that I have tread before or will ever tread again. I’ll be trying to repeat what I did just one year ago. Write a book in 30 days. Write it day in and day out. Write it without looking back, without editing, without re-reading it except maybe a few of the last few paragraphs to make sure there is some sort of continuity from one day to the next.

At it Again with NaNoWriMo

I pledged to write 50,000 words starting tomorrow, November 1st. It’s all part of the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), an international group that encourages writers to commit themselves to writing the equivalent of a “short” novel, a “short” book. I did it last year. I got up to 65,000 words before I finished. By the time I eventually edited the darn thing, I had eighty-four thousand words on my computer. That includes an entire chapter I cut out completely because I found it too boring to keep with the rest of the manuscript.

But can I repeat? Do I have the stamina to put my life on hold, so to speak, and treat this as a job, treat it as a mission, a way of life to follow for a full 30 days? That’s the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. I don’t have the answer. But I figure most new endeavors are like that. You have some general idea of what might unfold, but you can’t predict what will happen, and you simply hope for the best, knowing you’ve succeeded at these types of things in the past. And even if you fail, you will have failed at something noble, something greater than what you have tried before.

————–

     And so, I say goodbye for now. I’ll see you on my birthday, my friends. December First never looked so good before . . .

(For a look at last year, please see the following: NaNoWriMo done, Thank God!

Ithaca Mystical Insights — by Contoveros

Trying to Understand the Meaning of Life

I am looking for the type of cover for my latest book, my son. It tells of a Mystical Journey I embarked upon several months ago, arriving in Ithaca, New York, for a three-day retreat. There, I met a teacher who explained how I could understand my life and its meaning.

  • He spoke no English, yet conveyed to me the Wisdom of the Ages.

     Provide a cover for this book, Nicholas. And I’ll publish it for the entire New World to see the Spirit of ancient Greece come alive once again. Let my Muse inspire others to see words and to hear voices of comfort and hope to and for the three times.

     “Ithaca Mystical Insights” is what I will call it. I’ll tell the tale of a seeker lost for some 20 years fighting a war that doesn’t seem to end until he leaves the enemy’s land and re-enter his gates in a different form. Following war, he’ll search for meaning over land and sea trying to return home to Ithaca and the security he believes it will provide.

Discovering the Real Truth About Life

     The protagonist doesn’t find his way until discovering answers as so many wanderers do. You’ll read about more battles, more glorious adventures as well as loves surfacing on the open seas. He never loses sight, however, of the main goal — and that is to discover the truth and the meaning of life.

     Provide me the cover and I will open this book for all to see. The hero promises to shed his amour and never to go back to war, thus ensuring all new adventures will take place only in my mind.

  • Agape, my young friend. Agape!

———————

     (For a look at an excerpt of the book, see https://contoveros.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/ithaca-insights-serve-up-peace-calm/

As stress keeps arising, meditation caps it

Someday I may just get my stress under control.

And like Buddy Holly once said: “That’ll be the day . . . that I die.

Stress is here to stay, my friend, and all we can do is to accept it and use skillful means to control it.

     Meditation is one of those means. I’ve been applying it for some five years now. I get a little better at it every day. I simply “don’t try,” nor “judge.” It ain’t easy. It takes practice.

Stress controls me until I meditate and choose like-minded friends

——————

     I can’t seem to let go sometimes; a thought crops up from somewhere. I really don’t know where it resides. I “see” the thought somewhere on a monitor screen in my mind, I guess.

And then it dissipates. It goes way, that is, as long as I don’t grasp onto it, believing it is the most profound thought I have ever had.

Or, a thought will scare the hell out of me. It may even prevent me from sitting any longer.

Believe World is Going to a Handbasket

I start to believe that the world is going to hell in a handbasket unless I take action right then to prevent a near-certain disaster from occurring in the immediate future.

These thoughts never come true, you know. (They never will, but they still try to repeat on me!)

     Worry causes much of my stress. Dwelling on the past does too. I have Post-Traumatic Stress. (That’s PTSD but without the D for “Disorder.”) I got it from serving in Vietnam a long time ago. Fear crops up. But when the perceived fear is gone, I can’t get back to normal. The “stressors“don’t let me. They don’t seem to go away, and they take a toll on my body.

My symptoms include irritability, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes, I overeat or drink alcohol. Neither works. I found the only thing that does work is meditating. I also try to stay in touch with like-minded people. People who won’t criticize me. People I can open to, and not be afraid of being vulnerable with. People who are spiritual but not necessarily religious, if you know what I mean.

     Focusing on Another can Relieve Stress

They help me deal with stress by simply allowing me into their lives. I resonate with them. I take on their cares and worries and try to provide compassion by just listening. Really listening —  from the heart and not the head. I don’t need to talk about my problems. Somehow, those problems disappear. They vanish when I focus on someone other than myself and freely give loving kindness.

     Stress? You’re out of my life for those brief shining moments. Meditating and mingling with those I truly care for can do that to stress.

I don’t have to die to experience it!

Neither do you, my friend.

‘Israel’ directs Francis “toward” the Creator

(The following is an excerpt from a book I wrote entitled

St. Francis of Assisi, A Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty“)

     Experiencing the Divine from Within Yourself

I found the truth hidden awayin the crevices of my mind, buried beneath what my religious teachers had told me in classes from age eight to fourteen. Yes, there is only one God, but he can only be experienced from within.

     Let me try to explain [Lady Clare]. One need no more than to practice every day by opening oneself to the voice of God. You must be as patient as Job and not try to rush anything. It may take longer for some than for others. But when you experience His Presence, you’ll know without anyone having to tell you what has happened.

    I learned this through the practices taught by the holy man Abu Hashim. He was a Jew who studied the Mystical Kabbalah while meditating like a Buddhist monk and converting to Islam as a Sufi worshiper. He showed me the path straight to the divine. He said we all want to be like those in the “State of Israel.” No, I’m not talking about a plot of land or a state that may once have been ruled by kings and judges from the Old Testament.

Meaning of “Israelis Directly Focused on God

    The word Israel simply means “Toward God, toward the Creator.” We want to be in a state of mind that is always directing us toward the Almighty. That’s what the angel with whom Jacob wrestled tried to explain to him. Being unable to defeat Jacob—and possibly put him to death—the angel said from that moment on, Jacob and his offspring would be known by the name of Israel. All who followed Jacob’s lead would be on the path to righteousness and justice.

     Somehow, the word was bastardized and came to be used to refer to a homeland of sorts; people wanted desperately to belong to such a land, and they started to call themselves Israelites. It made no sense to anyone who knew the origin of the word, but only the highly spiritually evolved understood it and felt no harm would come by its new usage. Isaac the Blind, the great Kabbalah teacher who shared this knowledge with Abu Hashim, said one day, people of all the nations would learn of this and want to become known as those following the path of Israel.

    It is for those following his direction that I am writing this, and I hope at least one in a thousand comes to understand my meager offerings.

Learning a ‘Little Greek’ from Francesco

 Student of History Learns About Saint Francis

    What did I learn about Francis of Assisi while researching the facts about his life?

He wanted to grow up to be a crusader and fight in the Crusades which had gone on for some one hundred years when he was born in 1081 or 1082.

Francis fought in a battle between the city-state of Assisi and its neighboring town of Perugia, which sided with the nobility and wanted to continue with the feudal system.

He rode a horse into battle, and it probably saved his life because the Perugians he engaged slaughtered all the foot soldiers (infantrymen) as well as the archers. They thought Francis was a nobleman because he was on a horse.

Francis was thrown in jail, a makeshift prison made up of an old Etruscan fortification buried below the ground in Perugia. He remained in jail for nearly a year before his father learned of his whereabouts and paid a ransom to free his son.

Francis Got PTSD from Battles and Imprisonment

Francis showed all the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a psychological wound suffered by many in combat.

Before going to war, he was known as the “king of the revelers” — a real “party animal,” but became a recluse on his return to Assisi. He was withdrawn from all social life and gave signs of deep depression.

Francis tried to “redeem” himself later by outfitting himself as a knight with armor, a sword, and a battle horse when leaving Assisi once again to do battle, but this time he offered himself to fight in one of the crusades being waged by one of the popes against the Saracens.

He never made it to the battlefield because of a vision he experienced, which directed him to return home to “serve the master” and not a “servant.”

Labeled a Coward After Following a Vision

Francis was labeled a coward and a deserter.

     He was only five feet two inches tall

Francis preached to the birds, tamed a wolf, and saved a rabbit from becoming a monk’s dinner!

———————-

     His real name was John or Giovanni, as he was baptized in Italian. Pietro, his Italian father, renamed him Francesco, which meant the “Little Frenchman.”

     Francis mother was French. She was of noble birth and lived in an area called Provence in the southern section of what is now known as France.

     Greeks from the Island of Rhodes settled the area of Provence. Rhodes is a short boat ride away from the island my father, Achilles Contoveros, was born and raised. In the year 2012, researchers conducted DNA tests on people from Provence, and the results showed there was 12 percent Greek blood in them. That would make Francis of Assisi “a little Greek,” according to this recorder of history!

     Provence is the area where legend states that Mary Magadeline, one of the closest friends of Jesus Christ, had resided there before passing on some 30 years later. The legend also notes that Martha and the man Jesus raised from the dead, Lazarus, had also ended up in Provence.

—————

Born in a Stable and Raised by a Cruel Father

     Francis was born in a stable.

His father was a rich silk merchant.

Pietro disowned Francis and beat him, once chaining him inside a closet after learning Francis had sold scraps of his father’s silks to raise money to help rebuild a church. (Francis also sold the cart and the horse that carried the silks, by the way!)

Francis refused to let money “cross the palm of his hands” following the incident with his father.

He physically rebuilt many churches, believing that was his mission from Christ when he heard the voice of Jesus while praying before a crucifix to “rebuild my church.” Little did Francis know that he was being chosen at that time to rebuild the Roman church and its relations with the poor throughout the known world.

—————-

     He received the stigmata, that is, the actual marks of the crucified Christ,  while on retreat during the Feast of Michaelmas — also known as the Feast of Michael the Archangel on September 29th, 1224, some two years before his death. The word stigmata means “branding” in Greek, and Francis kept secret the marks he received on his hands and his feet, as well as the wound on his side.

     (Inscribed by Contoveros on September 28th, the eve of St. Michael’s Feast Day, and just a week before the Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi (October 4th) in the Catholic Church.)

At least, no one is shooting at me this time

(See Part One, “Cancer strikes . . .)  

Fear of Dying From Cancer Takes Over Me    

The train ride from home to the hospital was one of the longest trips of my life. I just knew I was going to die. I figured that the surgeon could not remove all the cancer during my operation 10 days earlier, and it finally struck me: I am a cancer victim!

     The doctor never called me with the results of the operation in the Veterans Hospital of Philadelphia. I spent five days and four nights there, mostly recuperating from the surgery. When I left, I had hoped to hear from the physician, but she didn’t call. I believed she was afraid to give me the bad news over the phone.

I never once opened the book I took with me to read on SEPTA’s R-6 rail line connecting Conshohocken with the 30th Street Station of Philadelphia. Nor did I open it when I sat on the bus that took me and several other veterans to the hospital in West Philadelphia. Who cared about reading when you only have so much time left? Who cares about anything in life when you’re facing death?

No Use for Cell Phone During this Trip

Nor did I check any of my e-mails on the cell phone I carried. How many people do you know that can go a full hour, let alone an entire day, without giving in to social media addiction? I know some who turn on their phones before getting out of bed in the morning. They just can’t live without seeing the latest text message or input from a Facebook friend or e-mail contact.

But there I was with no contact with the outside world as I made my way to the oncology ward, sat on an examination bed, and awaited the verdict from the doctor. I meditated as much as I could, hoping to calm the jitters I had all morning. It helps to block out all thoughts. It helps not to think because I usually tend to think the worst in a situation like this.

—————-

That’s it, Michael J. You got your breathing under control. You have been able to let all thoughts drift by without grasping onto them. You’re a blank slate right now. You’re living in the present moment. You’re safe and sound in a hospital office. No one is shooting at you, trying to kill you . . .

 Vietnam War Firefights Recalled 

You know, the greatest benefit of having served in combat is that during the worst times of my adult life, I have always been able to compare it to the firefights I faced while in the Vietnam War. Nothing compares to it. No divorce, no death in the family, no serious illness. Did I just mention illness? Yes, even an illness such as a life-threatening one is cancer. At least I’m not suffering pain at this moment. I’m not hurting. I’m not sniveling like a baby who hasn’t got his way for good health and a long life.

I am simply alive. And I can “be” alive for as long as I keep my mind away from any and all negative aspects of death. And I can feel God by saying, “At least no one is shooting at me!”

Uh oh. Someone just opened the door. It’s Doctor Carter Paulson. She’s smiling. She touches my arm, and I am now set for her pronouncement.      “You’re cancer free,” she says. “We got it all.

————-

  • No cancer means no chemotherapy . . . no radiation . . . no negative thoughts of an impending death.!

Now what do I do with this second chance I got from this bout with cancer?

What Would You Do?

Riding high on the back of an Amazon.com

Seeing your new book on sale quite uplifting

Simply knowing that I wrote a book is one helluva experience.

Seeing it on Amazon.com is breathtaking! Continue reading

My book on St. Francis now on amazon.com

Well, I told you my first book would soon appear. And it did.

Just as I went on a cruise in a boat up to the new Frontier of Alaska.

Francis of Assisi is now on sale. It has one error that I found today. It has to do with Esther of the Bible and her relationship with a fellow who was her uncle, but was identified by me as her father. Not bad for a 266-page book, if I do say so myself.

Check it out. It’s called: “Francis of Assisi, A Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty

Oh yeah. My name doesn’t appear anywhere on the cover. You see, I “discovered” the manuscript, which was actually written by the 13th-century monk, and I arranged for it to be published after it was hidden in an old castle on an island of Greece. It is a novel of a historical book. I think you’ll like it!


I wrote under the name of Francesco DiBernadone, which was the real name of Saint Francis.

Michael j Contos

—————

For a look at the book, click on Francis of Assisi

Contentment: Learning to be Content OK

     “Good Enough” is the lazy man’s way to enlightenment . . . There’s nothing more to do . . .  Your job is good enough . . . Your spouse is good enough . . .Your life  is good enough . . . Your meditation practice is good enough. . . You don’t need anything more, and what you now have is good enough. — This is all according to a young monk, – Ajahn Khemavaro, who spoke on Impermanence, in a 2008 presentation, “Everything Will Be alright.Continue reading

New bucket list headed by state of Alaska

North to Alaska!

That’s where I’m headed next week, and I’ll start checking off the newest box of my “bucket list,” the list of things I want to do before I “kick the bucket.” Continue reading

Ups & downs of life provide me lessons

     “When you’re down and feel like nothing, God is usually up to something just for you.”

     That’s a saying on a church sign outside of Philadelphia that I edited and slightly changed, and can safely say is now mine. Continue reading

Growing up with Catholic Sisters (Nuns)!

While growing up in a Catholic School, I met all kinds of nuns. Some I liked more than others. I was kind of like the class clown, or a class-clown wannabe, and got called out by many of the good teachers wearing the black coverings with the bullet-proof white vests covering their chests. I went to Saint Ludwig’s, a church school in what was then a predominantly German neighborhood of North Philadelphia called “Brewerytown.”

I never did like Sister Saint Clare, but I did like Sister St. Leonard, even though she had made my brother repeat first grade and was forever marked in God’s permanent record as one of those “left-behind.”

Sister Saint Clare bullied me when she learned I had played hooky. She tried to get me to “squeal” on who I had stayed out of school with. But I never snitched on him, even after she forced me to the brink of the top of the second-floor school stairway and over the steps for a tumble I will never forget. See: Sister Saint Clare knocks me for a loop.

Still Loving my All-Time Favorite Nun

     Sister Josephine Frances was my all-time favorite, even though she smacked me once when I thought it wasn’t right. She had left the classroom and told us not to talk. It was something that hardly anyone followed. At least I didn’t, even though I noticed that most kids read their books.

When she returned, she asked which one of us had talked. I was unafraid. Like I said, I really liked her. She made me proud of my Greek heritage when she taught us in her fourth-grade class about the ancient Greeks and how much our Western World owed to those great men and women from thousands of years ago. I saw myself as one of those who, incidentally, would never tell a lie.

I was one of only a handful — all boys, I seem to recall — who raised our hands in answer to the good sister’s questions. Well, without further ado, she marched up to each and every one of us sitting in one of those wooden chairs with those little wooden desks with an empty hole across the desk-top that once held an ink bottle, and smacked us.

A Smack that Still Reverberates Years Later

I mean, “smacked” us. It was loud. And, it hurt! But not as much as what happened next.

Pure unadulterated shame and embarrassment came over me. For the first time in my life, I felt my face turning red. You see, I had sinned, and the Angel of the Lord descended upon me and struck me with the wrath of God.

It was devastating. Yet, some 50-odd years later, I still hold that holy nun in the highest regard, and I’ve never been afraid of admitting my mistakes. I could have gone the other way. I could have become someone who would lie by simply saying nothing, which I believe many others might have done. And some still do . . .

Truth is the truth, no matter what age you’re confronted with it, I learned back then. I feel Sister Josephine Frances helped me to see that and pass a test of a lifetime.

Ithaca Insights Serve Up Peace & Calm

     

How May I Serve You?

     That’s the key to a happy life, you know. Learning to serve others selflessly with no expectation of a reward other than the knowledge you are doing unto others something you’d want them to do . . . unto everyone else.

      It’s a different version of the Golden Rule, which I always thought had some sort of tit for tat attached. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” is one of the versions I remember growing up in a Christian household. My father was Greek Orthodox, and my mother Catholic. Mom had her way; she was in cahoots with the parish priest, and my dad actually “did unto others” but never saw any of his sons “do unto him” by following the Orthodox path. Well, there are always the grandchildren, right nephews Joe, Michael, and Rocky, and let’s not forget Nick, as well as any we don’t know about who may have entered this country out of wedlock.

Serving Others can Help End Suffering

      No, serving others is just like serving yourself. You want to end all the suffering in your own life, and the best way to start is to turn your focus away from your woes and zero in on all others, all the ones you might have the least bit of contact with or upon, and can do something, even the slightest thing to make them more comfortable, less tense, and feeling that at least one person out of 8 billion really does care.

      I didn’t know it, until “awakening” during a three-day retreat in Ithaca, NY, when the veil of illusion was slowly removed from my eyes and I saw like a Mystic. It’s no big deal. I view things as I believe they should be, not the way they are. My goal in life is to try my best to get others to see things this way, the ideal reality, and not the conventional or illusory way.

     Insight showed me that I have served others one way or another in most of my adult life. It showed in the jobs I held, the positions I sought to take for a “Right Livelihood;” the beliefs I adopted while discarding bits and pieces of what didn’t “feel right” or those I might not be ready to fully adopt at this moment.

Serving as a Printer for Others to Read

     I worked as a printer when I was 18 years old. I studied the trade while in high school, and learned what is called the “offset process.” It has to do with oil and water not mixing and how ink, an oil-based substance, would somehow adhere to another substance. I can’t tell you what waters got to do with it, but I think one washes away the other, and an image that had been burned into a metal plate “grasps” the ink while all mass around the image or “type” is washed away. What is conveyed to paper is what you see: Black Ink on a white background.

      I was pretty good at developing negatives for burning images into plates. I could make a plate with just the right amount of muscle, rubbing the flat metal not to tire myself out. When the plate was completed, my job ended. The plate would be sent to a “pressman” (or woman) who’d adjust it into the large printing presses and run off a couple of hundred thousand copies of something or other. (Actually, I think plates at that time were only good for tens of thousands of copies, but who’s counting?)

     Someone was expected to read the printed matter. A copywriter created a series of words and graphic arts to draw the attention of a reader. (I worked as a copy-writer for a short time and I know I tried to “serve” the consuming public who’d be choosing between one product and another for an acquisition. I also “served” my boss in providing him with the best job I could.)

Starting Off with an Excerpt from a Book 

     (This is an excerpt from the first book I wrote, still unpublished, called Ithaca Incites Mystical Insights.”)

      Printing has always been a two-way street in my book. You engage in one effort for the benefit of another. Take the patron saint of the printing press, a German fellow named Gutenberg. If it weren’t for him, the Christian bible would never have been distributed so widely, thereby helping all people. (Actually, Western Civilization only. The East was doing pretty well without having to suffer through such growing pains as the “Dark Ages.”)

      I provided a service, and I felt fulfilled in doing my small part.

 

Ithaca insights incite a Mystic to write inspirational illogical idioms!

     I got drafted and served in the military. Yes, of course it counts even if you didn’t “sign up” for service. Us poor kids in urban settings all knew we were going to be drafted unless your dad knew some politician or had money to elaborate how serious your knee or back problem really was. Uh oh. You’re not 4-A and now you can’t be drafted.

      Anyway, I got discharged after serving less than two years, and then I “signed up” or “re-upped” to go to OCS (Officers Candidate School), where I learned to serve my country and whatever else the top brass had ordered me to serve. I went to war, did my thing, and returned home, where I served some mor

Serving other Veterans at Community College

 While in community college, I volunteered to counsel other veterans returning home interested in attending college courses. Who knew whether they were “college material.” You dodged bullets and stepped around land mines; I guess that qualifies you for getting through the obstacle course of higher education.

     Plus, I can show you how Uncle Sam will pay you a certain amount of money each month to help raise you into the Middle Class and make our country a helluva prosperous one! That road generally starts with a good education, something most of the people I grew up with never pursued, perhaps because they were tired of serving others and wanted to focus on themselves. It’s too bad. They might have gained the world, but lost so much of themselves, not to mention missing the boat to happiness.

 Yes, serving others leads to happiness! Ask the Dalai Lama, or the nuns working as hard as Mother Theresa worked in the streets of Calcutta and elsewhere.

So Much Joy Available when You Freely Give 

It is truly “better to give, and not receive,” particularly when it costs so little to bring about such great joy in anther’s life. That joy starts out as a tiny smile that barely breaks through into a smile until the truly needy accepts the small offering and whispers a thank you. Even if you give anonymously as most of us do, we can use our imaginations to “visualize” the reception our gift is greeted with. Sneakers will fit and the poor can give away or throw out the ones filled with holes. That little dress will look great on my 6-year-old; Tommy can play catch with the baseball (or glove); we can have heat in our apartment for another month.

 By visualizing how you’d feel if some benefactor aided you, you can get a thrill of sorts. You live vicariously through gift-giving. You are serving others with no wish to gain something from it except the altruistic feeling and knowledge that you did the right thing. You’re a “Mensch” as my Hebrew friends might point out. It’s another Mitzvah in the long line of Mitzvahs you perform for the glory of a higher being.

 I served as a reporter for a newspaper. I wrote stories that informed people about government, crime, social activities, as well as the weather. It was a true service even though our critics say we writers were simply trying to sell the news so that we could get more advertisers and make lots of money.

————

I found the “service road “ for me leading through the union movement, as I took part in helping to negotiate contracts between the papers’ management and The Newspaper Guild. I felt so pulled to serve others more directly that I took a leave of absence and worked as a union organizer, trying my best to bring the union gospel to non-union newspaper employees all over the Philadelphia area.

 Law School Beckons Me to Serve

That’s when I decided to go to law school. I wanted to lead workers into a world where there’d be little poverty, little economic inequality, and we’d all live happily ever after.

 It didn’t work out that way after getting a D+ in my Labor Law class, forcing me to take that as a sign from God that I should find service elsewhere. And, I did, studying criminal law (where I’d gotten an average a little better than a C+!)

 I worked as a public defender in Philadelphia for 20 years, serving poor people charged with crimes as well as the families who suffered along with their loved ones while seeking a trial or the right sentence to serve for any criminal actions committed.

I got paid, of course. In the meantime, I attended church “services”. I guess the main one getting credit for ‘serving‘ would be the one leading the spiritual activities.

————–

But simply attending a meeting with other Congregationalists provides a service to everyone, including yourself.

Alumni Board and Vet’s Club helps me to Serve

 I served on an alumni board for a community college and became a member of a vets’ club. I got no pay for either activity, and like attending church services, I didn’t expect any. In fact, I seemed to always give at services and to the organizations. So, maybe they don’t really count. After all, I did hope to gain something. Heaven at the church, and friendship and possible job contacts at the others.

 Writing has become my latest and greatest way I know of serving. I write with no pecuniary interest. I’d like others to read this, but even if I am long gone and working on two or more lifetimes after this one, I’d still be happy.

Serving by Way of My Inspirational Writings

 It’s like St. Teresa of Avila said. Even if just one person can gain from what I put on paper, then I have served the Will of God. Not that I am comparing myself to such a humble and compassionate person as the Carmelite nun from the 1550s. It’s her spirit that I have tried to lasso and bring into my corral. Read and be inspired to love another, to give of yourself with no hope of gain, to seek death so that another might live in your place if that is what may be required by the divine Essence, then who am I to deny it?

     Take the last breath from this body if it could serve another; if it could serve the greater purpose of the universe; let a smile be on my face as I look death in the face and ask as boldly as the tough kid from Brewerytown could ask Death:

What Took You So long?”

Meditate First and Foremost Each Day!

What a surprise!

I expected to try to get through the day today without my morning cup of meditation offering from Deepak & Oprah. I figured the 21-day journey had ended yesterday, August 31st. Yet today, the American holiday called “Labor Day,” they gave us a gift — an extra day. And boy, did I need it. Continue reading

Francis of Assisi; awakening him by a novel

Dream of Writing a Book about to Come True

As I stand on the precipice of my literary journey, the dream of writing a book feels closer than ever. The countless hours spent brainstorming ideas, developing characters, and crafting intricate plots have finally begun to take shape. I can see the pages of my story unfolding before me, each chapter brimming with potential and passion.

This transformative experience has ignited a fire within me, motivating me to pour my emotions and experiences onto the page. Friends and family, too, have become my pillars of support, encouraging me to embrace my creativity and share my unique voice with the world. With every word I write, the reality of my dream comes into focus, and I am filled with anticipation for the moment when my book will finally be in the hands of eager readers, ready to explore the world I have created.

I am about to become an Author!

     Well, a “Published Author” that is.

     I just learned that my book about Francis of Assisi, a historic novel, will be available at Amazon sometime in the next two months, September and October (2014). Writing it was a true labor of love. I mixed in Catholicism with Sufism and lots of Buddhism. I also introduced Francis, aka Giovanni di Bernadone, his real name by the way, to the Wisdom of Kabbalah and a belief in what I call “angel therapy.”

For all my legal friends not yet indicted or spending time in jail, I threw in the Rule against Perpetuity. Don’t ask me what it means. I never quite understood it in law school, but it sounded so good, I created a way for Clare, Francis’s female sidekick and saint-in-training, to use the legal maneuvering to keep his first-person manuscript hidden from public view until a fellow discovered it in a castle of some small Greek island.

     Michael J Contos, writing under his father’s name, “Contoveros,” discovered the manuscript and brought it to the attention of the world.

You can read the excerpt from St. Clare’s preface here:

 Francis of Assisi, written in his own words

Enjoy!

     Oh yeah . . . The name of the book is “Francis of Assisi, a Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty.”

Marketing Description for Francis of Assisi

Picture of young Francesco di Bernadone
(c) peter zelei

     Though many books have been written about Saint Francis of Assisi, none have put him in such a human light as this novel. Francis of Assisi, while taking a few liberties along the way, tells the story of Saint Francis’s journey through darkness and war and into the light. Readers learn about the struggles Saint Francis must overcome, and about his trials with his father and with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

     Contoveros creates for us a Saint Francis who is entirely tangible but inspirational on a spiritual level. From the very beginning, we are fighting for the patron saint of animals and small critters. We are there to experience the vision of “Lady Poverty” alongside him, and by the novel’s end, we understand him and his vision more fully.

PTSD Arises through Battles Francis Faced

Facing death, St Francis of Assisi recalls his flight from his father’s oppression and how he dreamed of becoming a warrior only to be thrown from his horse in battle and witness a mass slaughter before being taken captive and falsely imprisoned in a dungeon. Because of this, he suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a malady he struggles with all of his life to overcome.

Upon his release from prison, Lady Poverty appears in a vision to the young “King of the Revelers,” inspiring him to change his life and embark on a journey that leads to a spiritual awakening still sought after today.

As a Vietnam War veteran, Contoveros seems to have an innate understanding of some of the struggles Saint Francis of Assisi faced roughly eight hundred years ago. Both Contoveros and his hero suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of war. Later, both sought forms of spiritual awakening.

An inactive attorney, Contoveros has a master’s degree in history. In preparation for writing A Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty, he researched the thirteenth century and read multiple accounts of Saint Francis of Assisi to piece together the character formed in this novel.

Raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but a student of Buddhism, the Sufi, and Kabbalah, Contoveros now sees spirituality in a new light. He is an admirer of Siddhartha and, like many others, a seeker of answers in this troubled world.  

‘Do’s’ and ‘Don’t’s’ of Radiating Wisdom

 Today’s meditation showed us that we all have a profound and innate wisdom. How have you experienced this in your life? Write about a time that you spontaneously said the right thing at the right time to someone. What did that communication feel like for you? — Deepak & Oprah 21-day Meditation Experience.

Wisdom Flourishes from Deep Within

As I struggle to come up with a satisfactory answer for this question, let me focus instead on what Deepak had quoted William Blake as saying in reference to wisdom. Wisdom is “organized innocence.” What a concept! In order to have or to cultivate wisdom, I know that I must be in awe of something; I must see that thing with wonder, with the eyes of an innocent child.

It is only when I perceive it this way, that is, when I use what Zen Buddhists call my “beginner’s mind,” that I see the true writing on a wall I offered up for its clean slate to be imprinted upon.

Wisdom is not something confined to those growing old. Nor is it only for the professor-types in ivory towers, although we can revere what many tell us because of the learning they achieved and can pass on to us. No, wisdom is something that – I believe – we’re born with . . . We have it inside of us, and one of the few ways that we can tap into it is through meditation.

Very Wise to Experience Things from Within

In other words, I don’t have to have lots of experiences to be wise. I need only to experience things from within and be able to see things from the child’s point of view. Then I can feel the richness in witnessing.

Now, what was that question that I just dodged?

     “Write about a time that you spontaneously said the right thing at the right time to someone. What did that communication feel like for you?”

I told a young woman, Rita, that our relationship would have to come to an end, and that we had to enjoy it while we were together. We were both married at the time. I’m not proud of it, but we had an affair. I was twenty-three and she was twenty-one or twenty-two. We came together as troubles had developed in both of our relationships at our separate homes.

      We had fun and we grew, sharing ourselves in a way that we couldn’t with our spouses at that time. We both got divorces. She is much quicker than me. That angered her. I guess she felt that I should have joined her upon her break-up with her husband. I did not, for I was Catholic, and I knew instinctively that I would not.

That’s what I meant when I said our relationship was impermanent and that it would not last. Nothing does.

———–

     I guess another time that this occurred was more recently, but it feels like several lifetimes ago. I had predicted to a young woman whom I had fallen in love with that we would only be together for six months. I actually told her in June that we could learn from each other and then finish what we needed to do by December.

No Good in Trying to Cling to a Relationship

That’s exactly what happened too! But this time, I was the one who didn’t want to pay attention to my own advice. I wanted permanence. I wanted to cling to the relationship, to hold onto something that had already ended, but I couldn’t and didn’t want to see that my earlier premonition was correct.

In each case, I was prophetic with the wisdom.

Achieving wisdom and following it, however, are two things I have learned that don’t necessarily come together all the time . . .

The Enlightenment of a Dharma Listener

I’m down to just two more days now . . . Two more days in which to become enlightened through the 21-Day Meditation Experience of Deepak & Oprah. Today is the 20th Day. Tomorrow, I’m afraid, it will end for me and you.

     No matter what happens, though, I’ve been exposed to what Buddhists call the Dharma. That is, the “teachings” of meditation by Siddhartha Gotama, the person most of us call the “Buddha.”

     It reminds me of a story I heard recently.   

It’s about a Frog.

     The frog lived in the time of Siddhartha, at a time when the young man from Nepal had become an enlightened one. The Buddha was teaching a small group of followers at the banks of the Gaggara lotus pond when the frog heard his voice and wanted to get closer. The Buddha sat cross-legged in what would one day be called the “lotus position.”

     The little critter moved from one spot in the pond to another and could just about see the teacher. Still, the frog wanted to get even closer so that he could hear about the cessation of suffering, which we have come to know as the “Third Noble Truth.”

Frog Listens to the Words of a Holy Man

     When the frog hopped out and landed on dry land, where he sat, legs behind his squishy little frog-like body, and took in the words being freely offered by this wonderful holy man.

     A farmer from a nearby house then approached. He was a cowherd who also wanted to hear what was being said in his native country of India. But as he approached the speaker, the cowherd focused not on the ground where he was walking, but on Siddhartha.

Anyone listening to Dharma today can become enlightened!

     —-

Leaning on his crook, he crushed the poor frog that lay beneath him. As a result, the frog died and was reborn in the realm of the:

Thirty-Three with a twelve-yojana gold Mansion [vimana] and [was] attended by nymphs,”

according to reports published in a Dharma book.

—-

That’s not the end of the story, however.

—-

     As the frog became a god, he reflected on what deeds he had done to deserve all of this.  That’s what he realized that it was simply his attraction to the Buddha’s voice, his brief exposure to the Dharma that did it!

     Then the frog came down to the Buddha and honored him.

The Buddha then spoke:

 Who, bright with psychic potency and entourage, with surpassing beauty making all the quarters effulgent, is honoring my feet?”

     Then the frog (now a God!) explained:

 I was formerly a frog, a water-denizen.  But while I was listening to your Dhamma a (young) cowherd killed me.

For a moment’s serenity of mind, behold my psychic potency and entourage and behold my majesty, beauty, and behold my brightness.

Those who for long have heard your Dharma, Gautama, it is they who have attained the unmoving place where they who go grieve not.

Enlightened Frog becomes a Noble Hearer

     After this, the frog became stream-entered, that is, he became a Noble Hearer.   After honoring the Buddha, the god (our friend the frog) returned to his celestial world.

(For more on the frog, please go to the site where I gleaned much of this Dharma story known as the Zennist Typepad

Living with passion; name your 5 favorites

What are your passions in life? List five areas and describe what quality of energy and joy that passion brings out in you. – –Deepak and Oprah Meditation Experience

   Writing is my number one passion.

Loving people” is another, if you can include such an activity as a passion.

     Getting people to laugh and feel good about themselves is a third passion that I enjoy.

     Seeking and trying to understand another form of spirituality is a fourth passion, one I’d love to do any hour of the day or night. I guess you could say I’m becoming more passionate about combining all of them into one big passion, one I’d apply to life as long as I could.  Continue reading

Writing heats up; twice blesses me & you

     I am hot. I feel like I have a fever . . . A fever that pulses through me for the past several weeks. It seems this fever entered my bloodstream just about the same time as I started doing twice-a-day meditations with Deepak and Oprah for a 21-day Meditation Experience. Writing in the journal has added to the mix.

     Wherever possible, I have gone into my treasure bank of some 600 articles I wrote to offer my take on a question or two that I had handled before. It’s amazing how meditation has been a constant in my life and remains the only real permanent fixture we can count on.

     Buddhists believe that all things are constantly in flux and are changing day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. There is “impermanence” in this world, the Buddha said. When I can finally realize that deep in my core, then I’ll be enlightened.

Meditation Creates State of Love and Compassion

     I believe the heat or warm feeling washing over me is pure energy. Meditation has energized my battery after forcing it to rest in a calm state where it could fill up with love and compassion. This energy gets increased once I start to touch on it and offer it to others, be it through a thought or a deed.

     So, I became twice blessed with it. Once when the source dictates what it wants to pass through me – it’s a frail and overheated conduit – and secondly, when I write and then edit the offerings for public consumption. I get more out of giving more.

  • What is it that Shakespeare said about the lawyer named Shylock?
  • The quality of mercy is twice blessed? One is for the one receiving the mercy, but it is just as powerful for the one granting that mercy.
  • Yeah, that’s the ticket. Writing will do that to you . . . Writing first and then remembering to bow down to the Source that controls and offers up the writing to you . . .

The Gospel according to Micha’el the lesser

Continue reading

Hoping for a lofty goal, I write a lot & often

(Question 2 on Hope)
You may also have experienced this kind of hope, (See https://contoveros.wordpress.com/?p=12505&preview=true) but not thought of it in those terms. Think of a time when you felt sure you were going to attain a lofty goal, even though the path to the goal was not apparent. That is the hope that comes from your being. Describe this feeling of certainty in your journal. – Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience (Feeling Hope) I was a buck private in training as a soldier in Fort Dix, NJ, when I had a vision, or what Zen Buddhists call a “satori” or moment of clarity of what I needed to do with my life.

Hope to One Day Write a Book

I was a buck private in training as a soldier in Fort Dix, NJ, when I had a vision, or what Zen Buddhists call a “satori” or moment of clarity of what I needed to do with my life.

     I needed and wanted to write a book.

    Not just any book, but one where I was the hero. Well, hero may not be the right word. In the book, I was to be the center of attention, while everything I’d write about would involve me and things that I had some sort of contact with. I used the model of the Bible as a guide.

     I figured that the greatest book that there ever was should be the map and framework for my book. I’d be just like Christ, but not face crucifixion or circumcision. There was a driving force behind this idea. The idea stayed with me from the moment I was nineteen years old until I finished working for a living and found the leisure time to write about what I had discovered over the years.

Blogging Leads to Eventual Plans for a Book

     I didn’t know that I would write a book when I started dabbling with a Blog. I started writing on WordPress the same month that Uncle Dom had died in 2009, and I guess I haven’t stopped since then. The blog became my way of expressing what I was seeing around me and what was happening to influence me. I learned that most of what I was learning was something I already knew, but had forgotten.

     I think that much of spiritual knowledge is like that. We don’t get our “smarts” from someone or some book out there. We get it from inside, where true wisdom, love, and hope reside. It takes some of us a lifetime, however, to realize that. All we needed to do was to become as silent as Dominick, smile, and hope to visit that wise child inside who has never left us. The child becomes the guide and offers us the inspiration to set goals and to eventually achieve them.

Another Step In Writing Achieved!

     You’re reading this right now, and that goes to show you that I achieved another step toward my goal. You can do it once you identify your goal and stick to it as if your life depended on it.

     Your spiritual life will depend on it for you to follow through for your salvation.

(For the first question on hope, please see previous post with a click below left.)

Editor’s note. Michael J Contos, writing as ” Contoveros” authored two books by this date, one a novel about Francis of Assisi, his favorite community organizer, and a second one on his spiritual journey to Ithaca, NY.

Hope fills your presence and your future

We introduced a new understanding of hope today. We want to build a sense of hope that is a force of change that comes from a feeling of certainty and well-being within, rather than an anxious kind of hope that vaguely wishes for things to turn out well. Write about an experience you may have had with this stronger kind of hope. – Deepak Chopra (Day 6 — Feeling Hope) 
 (For more on meditation, see Chopra Center Meditation. Experience)

Hope can Help Guide Through All of Life

I don’t think you can have a future or any type of “end product” without hope. I see hope more as a process, a living force that flows from day-to-day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. We hope for something that will come into existence in some future time. Yet the feeling we get through the act of hope occurs in the present.

It’s like living. No, it is living, which is living in the present moment while expending energy in a real certainty that there will be answers for what we hope for tomorrow. For instance, I hope to publish a book. Actually, I have five books in which I hope to publish over the next several months. That’s ten hopeful wishes, so to speak. I am in the process of self-publishing, and I hope to obtain an end product sometime later this year.

Hope that Writing will Inspire Others

My hope is that the books will be well-received and, more importantly, that someone reads them. I hope that they will inspire others and reveal truths that I’ve learned through a mystical journey I started some six years ago. That’s when I retired from “regular” work, and I found my true passion in writing. I like to say that I traded in a legal career to return to a writing one, this time, not as a newspaper reporter, but a reporter on and about life!

Since September 2009, I had hoped that I could offer as much compassion and love as the monsignor did at my Uncle Dominick‘s funeral. Uncle Dom was the last surviving blood relative from either of my parents’ sides. He was the baby of the family and had babysat me when I was sent to my grandmother’s house to avoid any harm. My mother, Dom’s half-sister, had suffered from postpartum depression, and I was shipped off to Mays Landing, NJ, from Philadelphia, PA, to prevent any danger to me and to provide the much-needed help for my frail and sickly mother.

Grandmother Provides Unconditional Love

     Did someone see some hope in me? I like to think that Grandma Hagel did. Whenever someone asked me if I knew who provided me with unconditional love, I automatically think of her. Yet, I remember very little about her. I guess there was (is) a feeling about the times I had contact with her that lends itself to such an impression.

     Uncle Dom was the quiet type. He served in the navy during World War II and “inherited” Grandma’s house after he got married and began raising his own children. He married one of the toughest women I have ever encountered, Aunt Frances. She was the bossy type who always seems to control every situation. And if she couldn’t control it, she found a way to influence it by getting to the guy or girl in charge!

Spiritual Path Provides Hope for the Future

I got hope for my spiritual path when the cleric at Uncle Dom’s funeral butchered Aunt Frances’ name. No one messed with Aunt Frances, and I took it as a sign for a drastic change in my life. I figured that I was as spiritual as that priest, and that I could prove it.

Of course, I had meditated for more than a year, having learned mindfulness meditation in a Veterans Administration clinic and at a weekly meditation session with a Zen teacher. Hope infused in me after I prayed for Uncle Dom, meditated, and rose to the standing position with the others in the church. We stood to exit the pew where we had been either seated or were kneeling. It was time to receive Holy Communion.

— Hope for us Fallen Catholics —

Communion is something I can’t receive anymore. You see, I got married “outside” the church, and I would have to get a dispensation from the pope or get remarried “in” the church to take on that sacrament. It is one of the worst sins the Catholic Church has imposed on its faithful, and I’m sure it has driven out — and is still keeping out — many Catholics who are good people. These are people like me who had simply met other good folks of different religious backgrounds and agreed to accept the spouse’s choice of where to get married.

I got married in a Presbyterian Church by a Methodist minister named Michele Wright Bartlow, the sister of my soon-to-be wife, the former Wendy Wright.

I hope that someday a pope like Pope Francis will grant a blanket absolution for those of us who chose to say our marriage vows somewhere other than in a Catholic church. I’d “go back” to the church if he waved a magic wand and said all was forgiven. I would be able to receive communion again and not have to pretend like I did during the funeral for Uncle Dom.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It Works Spiritually

  •      What I did was to fake it. I stood up in church, made my way to the center aisle, but instead of walking forward, I went backward.  Persons with an untrained eye who saw me walking backward believed I was without a mortal sin. In the Catholic faith, you can’t receive Holy Communion with a mortal sin “on your soul.” You can if you only have venial sins, according to church doctrine which I believe has not changed since I was an altar boy in the 1960s…

————–

So, I marched backward and then made my way around the church, checking out some of the statues on display at various sections of the House of God. My hope was that no one would take offense, and from what I noticed, no one did. No one has ever commented about it, and I guess my hope helped to create a happy ending of sorts.

I became more spiritual and have not really looked back except to reflect on how far along this path a sinner like me has been able to travel. See, there is hope for everybody if they seek it out. It freed me up to write, and I haven’t stopped since that fateful day.

     Stay tuned for more hope in tomorrow’s post. That’s when I’ll try to “wright a wrong“, so to speak. Or just click the post at right below.)

Explosion shatters Peace but calm prevails

Question 2 of 4 on ” Feeling Peaceful

Thinking of this same peaceful experience, imagine that feeling of calm becoming deeper and stronger within your soul to the point where nothing happening in the environment could shake it. Describe what that kind of peace would feel like physically, mentally and emotionally. How could this type of peace change your life? — Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience (Day 3 — “Feeling Peace”)

Well, it would be hard to imagine my Peace in Vietnam  being any better than what it was that day. It could have very easily been shattered by gunfire. Worse yet, the peace could have been destroyed with my heart and my soul wounded by something called friendly fire.

That’s what happened during another incident while leading men on a search and destroy mission in what we called the “bush.” I had called in mortar fire on a suspected enemy location, but one of the rounds fell on my squad. Five soldiers were injured and I thank God that none were killed.

    Flashbacks of War Create PTSD for this Soldier

But, being the man in charge, the lieutenant, I got blamed, and I carried that shame and sense of utter failure with me all of my life. Peace evaded me throughout my adulthood as I battled what was labeled Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, an anxiety illness that causes flashbacks of the war when certain stressful situations trigger a physical, mental, and emotional recall of the trauma.


peace 2.jpeg

Express peace in any shape or form until it becomes a worldwide phenomenon

————–

     I found peace, however, while attending a five-day meditation retreat, and I was able to journal about my war experience. I felt safe and secure among like-minded meditators. I figured I could cry like a baby while with them, and they would still accept me despite my tears.

Writing about Worst Day of Your Life Hurts

I did cry, and it was refreshing. I also wrote about that day, the worst day of my life. And it brought peace to my heart. I saw how I had functioned as a calm and cool soldier under extreme conditions, never losing my composure when chaos erupted all around me. I became detached from the scene, the carnage, and I did my job to the best of my ability and then some, if I do say so myself.

Inside, I felt myself shatter like a pane of glass struck by a wrecking ball aimed right at me.

It was the first time I was able to do this. Look at that dreadful day without recoiling and feeling the guilt, the anxiety, the grief, and, worse yet, the shame. And I found that writing was indeed therapeutic. It is a method of meditation that I hope to continue over these 21 days of meditating through the Chopra Center for Meditation, where I plan to take it “to infinity . . . and beyond.

Peace is not found out there somewhere. It exists within and can be found by focusing on that place inside that offers comfort, security, and forgiveness.

————–

Michael J Contos, former US Army lieutenant, in response to question at the 21-day Meditation Experience provided by Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra. For more, see Chopra Center Meditation Experience)

Getting a Good Last Laugh is so Laudable

Despite always having a smile on my lips and a laugh at my tongue, I found it hard to think of anything to write about for the latest meditation round for Oprah and Deepak. That is, until I picked up my son at work this evening and we joked and laughed until I almost did you know what in my pants. It hurt so much that I started crying, that’s how good it was and how great it felt to just let it all come out in front of one of his 22-year-old buddies and our 25-year-old female traveling companion.

Continue reading

Transcending My State of Meditation

     Transcend to a Higher Level of Consiousness

I took off from Planet Earth this morning. It all happened when Deepak Chopra pushed a button inside of me, using the words “transcend” and “Higher Levels of Consciousness.” Continue reading

Fuzzy needs Kabbalah Group to grow by

(Unpublished Kabbalah story from Feb. 18, 2011)

Fuzzy needs Group to glow bright

     Fuzzy was a Fuzz Ball that wanted to give love to whoever he met. It all started when he felt a point in the heart materialize, and a wish to bestow came over him.

     He’d give love here, there, just about everywhere, every day to everybody he came into contact with. After all, he had thousands of tiny fuzz balls to give away. He’d pluck ‘em from his round little body and pass them on, trying to ease pain here, create a smile there. Continue reading

NaNoWriMo done in 30 days, thank God

I just finished writing 73,000 words about Francesco, the young man from Assisi who overcame post-traumatic stress from battles, as well as a year-long imprisonment, before being ransomed by his rich mercantile father. Continue reading

Love notes discovered from a distant past

     Him: God, I miss being in love. I guess I could say I miss you.
You helped me tap into the feelings I usually only get with Shekinah, what the Kabbalah says is the feminine side of the divine. She’ll always be with me, and I see now you simply took her place for a little while here on Earth. Love is still there, but only redirected now.
Thanks. Continue reading

Don’t eat all the hummus, Michael J

To      Michael J

From Melanie K

     I had such a nice night. My favorite part was sitting outside talking on the bench. Who knew we would be together in such a situation?
    • the Lovely Garden beside a Thai Buddhist Temple 
    • the Freshness of Post-Meditation
    • the Purity of Post-Meditation
    • the High of Talking Dharma with a New Friend, Luke 
    • Surrounded by Bonsai Trees Continue reading

A Call of Love to the Goddess Shekinah

   

     I’ve been away from you for less than 4 hours, and I can’t stand it. I miss you.

     What has come over me? I get so lonely when I’m not with you, and feel such a shallow emptiness. You are so filling that I don’t really take notice of your presence until your presence is gone. My tank runs out of gas, it voids itself of all energy, and the only thing I have left to get me through is the memory of the two of us together and how we will reunite tomorrow.

     But tomorrow is so long away. I don’t think I’ll make it through the night after having spent the last three days in the sunshine and in the rain, marching to the beat of our own reality, our own world created with the mingling of our breath, our souls, our mutual loving touches.

Manfesting Joy Within Each Other

Let me rest. That’s all I can do. Rest up and hope the hours go by so swiftly. Think of me when you get a moment. Please keep me in your mind’s eye when you see something that might remind you of our time together and the joy that we helped to manifest in each other.

     Let these poor, insignificant words of my heartfelt yearning find you happy and content while away from me and remind you of your conquest, your victory, your winning of my heart. 

     You had my heart the moment you tapped me on the shoulder in the Temple of Love and asked where we could find Enlightenment. You my dear, provided the light to shine through my soul’s darkness and to remind me of a life of purpose and meaning by simply being able to love unconditionally once again.

     Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Angels appear when disbelief is suspended

     A friend of mine is “intoAngels. “Suspend your disbelief,” he told me, explaining how belief in angels re-materialized into his life recently. I knew at that moment that the resistance he had spoken of was puffing out its chest and stepping between me and the computer screen where his words appeared.

(Written by Melanie Kriebel)

Continue reading

‘Spiritual Love Flows On’, Says the Maiden

(Continued from What’s next for love’s mysterious ways?)

The Maiden of Athena to the Foolish Knight:

Is this not, yet another spiritual practice for you?

 For me too.

Continue reading

You’ve been Called; now Choose up Sides

Am I among the “Chosen?” Will I be one of those who make the “cutoff” at the end when the proverbial bill finally gets to be paid?

I don’t know. If you had asked me some five years ago, I’d tell you to hit the road, Jack. I’m not into any of that Doomsday Stuff. The so-called “Chosen People” were the Jews, right? Look what happened to them.

And don’t the Jehovah’s Witnesses folks believe that a couple of hundred thousand of them will disappear from the earth at the time of the Rapture? And what about some old-fashioned Presbyterians? Didn’t Calvin or one of their leaders claim to be among the chosen few?

I’d tell you that this is the stuff that kooks dream up for superstitious old ladies and men who have nothing better to do than face their own mortality, hoping they could miraculously get to Heaven if they just turned their lives around in the last years of their lives. They’ll believe in anything or anyone that could offer them salvation with a money-back guarantee!

Are You ‘Squandering Your Life?’

But something happened to me. I felt like I got hit upside the head with a spiritual sledgehammer from some animated cartoon. I heard a voice ask me if I was ‘squandering away my life,” and it scared the hell out of me. I looked at the world around me and saw that nothing had “staying power.” I’d have fun and get my kicks from the old standbys: wine, women, and songs.

But they held no meaning anymore. I’d drunk too much wine, my wife fell down the steps and suffered a traumatic brain injury, leaving me nothing but sad songs of days gone by to sing about. I hit bottom and found there was nothing on this planet that could inspire me to get my butt off the ground, and my head outta my butt.

I got the call. I got the spiritual call. And, more importantly, I answered that call. And, I’ve been seeking answers ever since, sharing some tidbits of crazy wisdom with people I feel might be of like mind and what I call a “what-the-hell-do-I-have-to-lose” desperation.

You Could Be One of the Spiritually Chosen

If you’ve read this far, you might be one of ‘em. The Chosen, that is. You don’t think you got to this point in your life on your own, do you? You were knocked to the ground on purpose. You were forced to “Call on a Resource” you thought had given up on your wretched personhood. You could either sink into major depression, drugs, and/or the negative lifestyle you had led, or let go.

You let go, didn’t you? Just as I had to, with no assurance that tomorrow would be any more secure or stable as today had turned out to be.

I had learned to take a step without moving my foot, as Rumi once suggested. I could only do it by completely surrendering my old self, the ego-self that controlled my life and got me on a bridge to nowhere with no guide to help navigate away from that dead-end.

Admit You Need Help in ‘Letting Go’

It was in the process of “letting go” that I discovered a path similar to the one you’re walking. We could never have reached this point without first humbling ourselves and admitting we needed help. We needed something the world couldn’t provide, and so we looked beyond this world. We’d be ridiculed, barely tolerated, and our sanity questioned as even well-intentioned family and friends would whisper about our loved one finally going off the deep end.

    Yes. I Jumped.

I removed myself from a reality that focuses only on the material, that judges you only by your successes and the riches you’ve acquired, the medals you gained, the reputation you so carefully strove to keep up. None of this meant anything anymore. I wanted the freedom to simply “BE.

I needed the Divine in, and of, the Cosmos to become my dearest lover, my comforting parent, my faithful friend. I found all of these – this trinity of engaging partners – through a sincere and contrite prayer, and the trust that the prayer would be answered. That you and I could grow into our purpose for, and in, life by giving up our will for the Will of God; by becoming corrected as prayed for by Kabbalists; by celebrating like a laughing Buddhist monk when he realizes Karma has finally ripened for him to always act in his Buddha nature.

Your Chosen Team Just Can’t Lose

I got picked to play on a team that can’t lose. What are you waiting for? You can join me by simply leaving your “self” outside the playground. You’ve been chosen! Now, help others you know who could practice with us in this game.

Universal Love grants me the touch of love

   

     I wanted so much to write about your soft, careful touch on my arms and my hands. How you slide your fingers ever so meticulously over the outer parts of me, teasing a sensation to come forth, to grow from the inside out, knowing all along your touch is the Touch of Love.

     Your touch is the touch of a mother on baby’s soft back side, the comforting touch of her when the child later stumbles and cuts his or her knee, the firm touch to the face and chin directing that child’s head toward your loving eyes and stern expression, while saying, “Listen: You are good, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

Your Touch is to Die For

     Now.

     Not in some future, but this very moment as I recall it in all its sweetness.

     I recall the past touch as if it just occurred and did not actually happen some  time ago.     

     It is one long present moment that I think of when I recall this touch of yours.

     It makes me want to use my appendage to humbly try to bring a small pleasure to you, my beautiful child. “My Dearest One.”

Calling Out to My Dearest One! 

     May I call you that? “Dearest!” “My Dearest.” You are so dear to me, the dearest. For you are the closest to my heart than anyone, save the Creator who brought you into my presence, into my arms, and into my very being!

     When I touch you, I want you to feel love over every inch I hope to slowly move the fingertips, praying that I too can awaken in you the softer side of love and caring.

     Trust me.

     Please believe me You can trust again. I won’t hurt you. Not in this moment.

     I will not harm you. For, I am Love. You are Love. We are love together. And in the name of all love that has ever been and ever will be you know that I am yours and you’re mine right now.

  Divine Possession Now Shared by Us

     It’s a Divine Possession we share, formed from an internal pure and clear light of understanding and wisdom. And joy, let’s not forget the bliss of joy that sets us apart from any and all other attractions by something less divine than the perpetual, primordial, infinite love of the Universe.

     It is a Divine Love that we tap into when we give all of ourselves so that the other person might live in love.

It is pure, unselfish. It is what Soul Mates are made of and from. And, it started with the first magical, mystical touch!

I Find my True Nature when Not Looking

When you touch that part of me that has never been touched, a dormant thing erupts.

I am observing this thing for the first time.

Did it exist inside of me or did you put it there when I wasn’t looking?

When I noticed it, it hid behind my ear. I tried to find it, put a name to it, and store it in a folder where everything is orderly and safe. It wouldn’t go.

It was quick like a fox, creeping down my left arm while I examined my right, hiding under my knee when I thought I felt it brush the side of my face.

I am barren without it, yet all the happier to have seen it, if only for such a brief time not long enough even to know what to call it.

Melanie Kriebel 2013

Four Truths to Enoble the Strongest Mind

     Sometimes the only way for me to understand something is to try to put it into my own words. Particularly, if I want to memorize or “imprint” something so that I can keep it near and dear to me, like an inspirational poem or saying I still remember from my earliest days.

     And so, thanks to the kindness of WordPress, I will use my meager intellect to place into words something my heart has tried to understand and permit to grow from one lifetime to another. It is the Four Truths that can enable those noble among us to overcome what is wrong in our lives, and we can set things right.

     The First is the basic truth that there is much of life that is plainly unsatisfactory.

     I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I sometimes feel an uncomfortableness, an irritation that goes away temporarily, but returns too soon, too often. Some people call it “suffering.” They say, “There is suffering.”

Not Getting Satisfaction is True Suffering

     Wise men and women thousands of years ago called the suffering “Dukkha,” a Sanskrit word which roughly means “unsatisfactory,” or better yet, “incapable of satisfying.” I liken its meaning to the old Rolling Stones song of the 1960s, with the words by Mick Jagger screaming his truth to the world:

I . . . Can’t . . . Get . . . No . . . Satisfaction.

     Suffering and dukkha can be understood.

     Once I achieve this, I can say I understand suffering and dukkha.

     The Second Truth is that there is a Cause for this dukkha, and that is attachment to desires.

     Desires in and of themselves are all right. It’s my clinging to them at all costs that causes the harm, the dissatisfaction, or suffering. Desires can be let go of. When this happens, I can say I have let go of desires.

Noble Truths Open Door to the ‘Middle Way’

     The Third Noble Truth is that there can be a “cessation” of suffering or feeling unsatisfied.

     This cessation can be realized. Once I have experienced this cessation, I can say that I have fully realized it.

     That leads me to the Fourth Noble Truth, and that is that suffering and its cause can end if I follow a certain path.

     That path is called the “Middle Way” between the extremes of pain and pleasure. I can aspire to follow 8 guidelines, called by some sages as the “Eight-Fold Path.” The first two “practices” call for wisdom, while the next three deal with a form of morality, and the third group, concentration.

     I can develop wisdom through understanding, the right understanding of the way things are, and not the way my unenlightened mind usually sees them. It helps me to always have the right attitude, or right intention toward things, events, and what scientists call phenomena.

Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood

     As far as morality goes, I should simply have “Right Speech,” “Right Action,” and “Right Livelihood.” Don’t curse too much, don’t slander anyone, don’t lie or gossip. Act upon the maxim that whatever you do in life, you are approving everyone else to do, according to Emmanuel Kant, one of my favorite philosophers, I recall from my college days. It’s the same action that Jesus said: “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.”

     And right livelihood means that I should be careful in choosing a career that doesn’t involve gun-running, moonshining, or trading nuclear secrets to terrorists. Don’t work in a field that could endanger or kill some being, man or beast.

     The next three deal with the focus and reflection of life, and how we can enable the noble truths to act within us and to us.

Use Your

Joyful Effort

in

All Endeavors.

Meditate.

Concentrate.

          All will help uncover insight from within. You can use whatever words you like or feel comfortable with.

     Use mine if they help. I got them from others whose purpose in life was, and still is, to help bring a certain enlightenment to everybody while we are here, just being the loving kindness and compassion we want for everybody.

Sweat Lodge Reveals many Creative Spirits

     It took several hours for the effects of the Sweat Lodge ceremony to kick in, but when it did, I realized the control I always thought I needed was not in my hands, but in what the Greeks called the Fates; the Christians, God; and the Buddhists, Karma.

     A Divine source, referred to by some as the “Force,” the Divine Feminine, the Creator, has dealt a hand to play with our own free will. We get to choose which cards to keep and the ones to discard. By standing pat or by seeking new ones to “change our luck” or to improve our hand, we cast our lot to the future. None of us expects to lose or to face tragedy or a financial crisis. We hope for improvement, to enrich ourselves through our card-playing skills and years of studying the game of life.

     In the end, the winner is not necessarily the one who drew the highest hand – a royal straight flush versus a pair of kings and deuces. It is the player that can place the bet, and deal with the loss or win with equanimity, that emerges the victor. There is no win, there is no loss. There is just an awareness of the game and how to view it from a state of grace, the right frame of mind, the right attitude. All disappointments arise and end.

All Things Must Have a Beginning and an End

     All roller-coaster thrills must end. In understanding that everything that comes into my existence must someday leave, I can live with its impermanent nature more easily. Treat it the same whether it is good or bad, foul or fresh, holy or unholy. The moment of pleasure and the moment of dissatisfaction will pass. Each will arise and reach its crescendo of joy or sadness, and then each will fall, dissipating and returning from whence it came, leaving naught but a memory we can choose to relive or to drop if similar conditions arise to trigger its recall later.

     None of this was clear when the sweat poured out of me as 10 men and women crawled on hands and knees into the Sweat Lodge outside of Pottstown, PA. We took part in a ceremony honoring the “Great Spirit,” while offering prayers to the four corners of the earth and beyond. We sweated as the lodge leader spread bits of sage, tobacco, and other herbs onto the red-hot coals, causing an eruption of tiny flames that shot upwards and out of the stones but remained safely in a pit dug earlier to contain a total of some 15 hot, glowing rocks.

Prayers Offered for All Directions in the Lodge

     Each one had been baked in a much bigger pit built a slight distance outside of the lodge, where a stone-bearer had been heating them over a slow-burning fire for several hours. Two to four rocks were requested for each “sweat,” or prayerful focus in a given direction. We offered three prayers each for the West, the South, and the North.

     Then just as the sweat seemed to be unbearable for the likes of me, the number of prayers for the East increased to five, six, seven, eight, and beyond . . .  I lowered my head to the floor of the lodge, taking in the cooler air and praying a silent prayer that all the prayers would stop so that I could get the hell out of there!

     The prayers did stop, and we offered a blanket thanksgiving for all. I believe, however, that my silent prayer even helped to cleanse and purify me, removing and burning away the hellish traces of lower, base nature.

Did Not Favor Born-Again Christians

     Hours later, I revolted against a group of Born-Again Christians. All of them were what I called “lily whites.” The men wore handsomely tailored suits, and the women gorgeous dresses with just the right amount of jewelry. All appeared with the greatest tans that money and lots of free time at the beach could offer.

     “I don’t belong here,” I cried to my partner in crime, Melanie, a young Hispanic woman whose mother was raised in Colombia and passed on the natural shade of tan we ethnic types have acquired — her from South America, and me from the southern European countries like my father’s Greek homeland. She had left the sweat lodge and agreed to go with me on this next leg of my spiritual journey

     “They’re too white for me,” I said, pointing at their pale faces, their blonde heads, and the white hairs of their elderly wise ones. “I haven’t seen one Black,” I added. “We’re their token brown-skinned people.” Eventually, she helped me to overcome my resistance, and we entered the church even though Melanie was still a little wet from swimming in the pool after the sweat and unable to change out of the bra and other underthings that had gotten soaked!

Listening to the Performance of a Friend’s Daughter 

     There we were. Two “Recovering” Catholics, walking into the Valley Forge Baptist Church to take in the solo performance of the daughter of dear retired friends I had made while breakfasting at an IKEA restaurant in Conshohocken. They waved to us, and Melanie and I parted the sea of white folks and sat in a pew behind the proud parents. Their daughter played divinely, and despite an apparent ban against applauding in such a refined church of God, the audience cheered her and I whistled as loudly as the most boisterous fan at a Phillies/Mets game.

     A wonderful choir next offered every one the Sound of Angels. That was followed by a group of teens who had recently attended a church-sponsored camp in North Carolina who explained to the thousands of congregational members how Christ had entered into their lives and changed them forever. Each boy reminded me of a miniature “preacher-in-training” with the fervor of zealot for God, while the girls talked of the gentler side of a divine forgiveness, unconditional love, and spiritual camaraderie. Then Satan raised his ugly head.

Devil-like Preacher Wants Only Christian Music

     No, Lucifer made no appearance, although one of the adult preachers brought up his name while chastising the youth for listening to the foulest of foul music provided in the world today. He asked for money to develop Christian music as an alternative to evil sounds my generation had been warned against when Ed Sullivan chose not to show Elvis Presley’s lower parts on national television and “race songs” — those performed by Black artists and Doo Wop groups years ago got banned in Boston.

     I couldn’t wait to escape, bid farewell to the lovely white-haired couple who invited us, and put a distance between them and my sinful self. It was while I was drinking water in my car and reflecting on the day’s events that divine insight struck me like the proverbial bolt of lightning.

God and the Divine Spirit of the Cosmos are the same one we all talk about, but we use different     languages to praise and worship. He or she is the clear light, the Buddha Nature existing in all that we can tap into when we want to live a life that Jesus lived, or that Mohammed said was possible if we but give up our will and let a more powerful Will control the major part of our lives. Yes, we still have free choice, free will.

Look for Shekinah, the Feminine Side of God

     But we know where our internal moral compass is directing us to go. It tells us what is good or bad at the moment and that all we need do is seek the stillness and silence where a “Shekinah” — what the Hebrew language calls the “Feminine Side of God” — dwells. She is always available to guide us. Seek her out, this great spirit, this energy, this Great Vibration, and give up all resistance.
     You’ll find out you can do it with no sweat, and with no loss of anything God hadn’t planned for your personal purpose in life.

Living ‘mind-less-ly’ in the present moment

I am a shapeshifter. I’ve developed the ability over the past five years to shift from one form to another by simply manipulating my mind to do the bidding of my higher self. 

You see, there are two of “me inside of this shell of a body. There’s the “me” created by my ego, also known as “my mind,” and there’s also the “non-me,” the one that surfaces when the mind is gone. It is this entity, one that is pure consciousness, that takes over when the mind stops all of its thought processes.

The true spirit or energy mass that’s within me is always there, always in the present. I can’t connect to it when that part of “me” is dominant. I fail to be aware of the energy, the spirit’s existence. By halting and stopping my thoughts, however, the consciousness “arises” and takes over. Forms of all shapes and sizes come into focus. A flower, a tree . . . the wind on my face . . . the smell of garlic . . . the softness of a woman’s hand across my brow.

Our Consciousness Exists This Very Moment

If consciousness did not exist in the present, none of these forms would exist either. Think about it! If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? Well, we know you have two parts to such an auditory phenomenon. If there is no one to hear sound, then you cannot have sound. If your consciousness is not present, then you cannot have . . . well, fill in the blank.

And, if your consciousness is always being placed on hold by the mind that always wants to think up reasons, excuses and answers to something for the future or from the past, then the forms that exist in front of our eyes, within the earshot of our hearing, the taste of the mouth, the smell of the nose, the touch of a hand, then how can we say they truly exist? Yes, a flower will appear to our senses, but our thoughts will not include its beauty, its texture, its “poetic-ness,” so to speak.

Fear, anxiety, and depression cannot exist in the present without the support, nay, perhaps the “leading role” played by the mind. Just think. You stop thinking, and you stop the worry, the confusion, the lack of wholesome goodness inside of you. Without your mind insisting that you continually think of something, that thing will eventually disappear, diminish, or slide off the radar screen.

Consciousness Arises in the Present Moment

All you need to do is place your awareness like a laser beam onto one of your five senses. Focus as if your life depended on it. Life in the present moment does depend on you living in the present, sans thoughts of any kind, sans the emotions that go with the thoughts, whether we like them or not. Thoughts trap us, entice us to cling to them, to always be grasping for their contents, their so-called can’t-live-without-them ideas, concepts, and a whatnot or two.

So, I shape shift. I will my inner being to focus on my breath, my five senses, and to stay fixed there for as long as it takes for the mind to quiet down, come to rest, and hibernate. The present opens to me like a flower. I “shape” the moment like the observer shaping reality in a particle/wave shape-shifting quantum physics laboratory experiment.

Now, I am more in the moment than I have ever been, with thoughts of the moment, which, incidentally, never really existed.

Can’t Always Think You’re in the Moment

You can’t “think” of the moment, the present. You lose it as soon as you call forth the idea. By the time it is “formed,” time has passed you by. The present has long gone. You’re someplace other than that present moment when your mind thought it could pin the present down to the now. Now is gone from the mind’s eye, as soon as the mind starts to eye it through the thought process.

It’s the “thought-less process” you need to be in and recognize the present. You have to “feel” it, experience it, live it. You’ll love it more and more as you return to it.

Just think about it. Now, stop. Be it. Be in the now right now.

Breathing to ‘Right Self’ is a Lifetime Job

Continue reading

To ‘be or not to be’ Gay and in Love again

     Deborah loved with a love that was more than a love. Cupid’s arrow struck her just as a choir of angels sang and a special cherub played the most beautiful music in all the land over an ancient lyre, the same instrument that a shepherd boy named David once played to honor the God of the Psalms. 

She loved Fran with all her heart, her mind, and her soul. And she wanted to shout it out to the whole world that there was a love that would never end, never grow old, never die. She needn’t say a word, however. Her devotion and adoring demeanor spoke volumes to those of us meeting the lucky couple for the first time in Philadelphia, my City of Brotherly Love, on Friday night, the summer solstice.

Love shone all around Deborah when she spoke of Fran, and a well-disguised, shy girl from within her nearly blushed as her lover looked deep into her eyes to acknowledge an almost palpable affection. Light from a thousand stars sparkled from their mutual smile, their caressing eyes, their in-tune and synchronized hearts, which seemed to beat as one.

Saring Unconditional Love with Each Other

Taking her hand, Fran walked alongside this beauty of a woman, offering a silent prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving step by step through the long summer night, the longest night of the couple’s young lives. Too soon, they disappeared from view, leaving behind just a memory and an image of what any one of us would give a million dollars to have: the unconditional love of another human being, another man, another woman, even for but one moment of a gay, rich life.

Here’s to Deborah and Francesca. Two women in love. True Love among true lovers, if you have ever seen it in this or any other lifetime!

* * * *

     They were a sight to see and to glorify when you need to recall what love could be, and is, all about. The purest emotion God created for His creatures to share with Him and with one another, sans color, creed, national origin, or sexual orientation. Love has always been color-blind and gender-neutral for the young and old, the sick and the well, the poor and the not-so-poor; even for a 64-year-old whose soul mate just turns out to be a 21-year-old.

Love has triumphed in our world. It’s exploded into space, signally all the many universes that Planet Earth will allow all love to flourish from whatever source or sex it manifests.

Okay to Love and Marry, says Supreme Court

Today, I am Gay. Today, all of us are as Gay as we would like to be or not to be. That is the question the US Supreme Court answered in a shout to the entire world that all who love will never be prosecuted or persecuted for whom they choose to fall in love.

I feel elated and so happy for those who have hidden themselves for far too long. We, society, could not see until now that love is not confined to procreation. It can’t be regulated and legalized only to those wearing opposite types of clothes or having genital differences. Love arises in all of God’s children, no matter how dissimilar one person might be to you or to me.

————-

Fall in Love, Everyone.

Fall for anyone you like. Fall in love again with someone you don’t even like but stay together for the sake of the children. It’s legal. It’s holy. It’s fun!

It’s as gay as gay can be, and it’s all free for you to be or not to be.

Divine Mother, Spare the Fem-in-’em Now

Take ’em. Break ’em. Make ’em.

     O Grand Master, it is your females that will save this species. It is through their power, their innate abilities, that man will be saved. Compassion and love must rule the day again. And power must be crushed by the mallet of humility before any dare sends another child into war that old men dream of winning as if playing games of adolescent ruffians. 

     Ouch! Give up my manhood? Turn in my boxing gloves, my rifle, my drink? What will I become when I grow up? Who will I protect, gather food for, “sexualize” in thoughts actions and deeds my every waking minute?

Divine Mother

Be Still and Know that I Am God

You will bow and respect for evermore your Divine Mother forevermore. I will take your life away as quickly and as surely as I have given it to you. Obey this: Be Still and Know that I Am God.

     I need your strength to build, not tear down; to give hope and not despair; to “fight” without lifting a fist but by raising your spirit so mightily it will dash to pieces the most formidable enemy your kind has ever faced.

     Give me your blood in the fields of corn and rice, not the fields of battles. 

                                                 (See Divine Mother)

————-

Skillful Means Needed for Gentle Wisdom

     Shed tears not for fallen comrades but for the joy in conquering obscurations you never thought could be overcome.

     March proudly waving flags of festive, holiday colors to announce a new day is here, and that you will never return to the days of old guts and glory.

     You will thrive only when realizing that skillful means discerned with honest and gentle wisdom must be employed in all human endeavors.

     Love, tolerate, and above all, learn patience as the antidote to all the poisons your kind has been exposed to. Do it now. Tomorrow may be too late.

     I will spare man, but only if he spares the feminine within himself.

Pass on Unconditional Love Right Now!

You are the catalyst for my greater love. Your existence right here, right now, awakens in me another time, another place, when unconditional love blessed me. 

     My grandmother loved me this way, unconditionally. So did my dog, Willie. I think of them both when I need to love very deeply.

     I’ll think of you now while contemplating the Divine you also have helped ignite and allow me to shine a light on. I’ll carry that light always, and in the darkest hours of forever more, I’ll have our brief moment to reflect on when there seems no love will ever come my way again.

Pass it on. Pass it on.

     This kind of love is not ours to keep, but to share until the day we die and find the consciousness of love is eternal. It never extinguishes.

     The spiritual love we obtain in this life, the Kabbalistic student says, is retained for our next life. It is in the giving that we receive, and when we receive love for the pure act of giving love, we become twice loved.

Pass it on. Pass it on.

     Who loves you? You know I do. I always will. Forevermore!

Pass it on. Pass it on.

Writing Tomorrow of Love You Feel Today

Why write of an experience, when you can experience it?

There’ll be time enough for writing when the chapter ends and a new one begins at the stroke of the pen.

Live now.

Live in the present.

Love now.

Love in the presence . . .

Write with the love you become tomorrow.

Eating Meditation Tastes so Good Now

What can I teach you, Little One? What will I impart to you that you can carry with you when you feel the need to touch the Source you crave so much?

You have chosen to come closer to your spirit. It resides within, but your thoughts of this world prevent you from seeing the larger world inside. Now I must take your hand and walk you to the table, sit you down, and “show” you how to show yourself the easiest way to Nirvana.

     Eat!
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and chew each bite over and over again. Eat while guiding your thoughts to the food you’re processing inside the instrument God created for us to truly nourish ourselves. Bite the food ever so gently and chew it.

Chew for All who Help Provide the Food

Chew for the farmer that planted the seeds in the ground that helped the rainwater seep into it, and the sun to open it to the atmosphere above, where day after day it grew more and more until removed from its home by loving hands that gathered it for market.

Chew for the driver that delivered the food to a processor who cleaned, shaped, and bundled the food to prepare it for display on supermarket shelves for customers like your mother to pick and choose while planning to feed you at our dinner table.

Chew and then chew again for what the nutrients each bite will offer.

Chewing with All Teeth is Downright Delicious

Now for the fun part: chew for the taste of it. Yes, chew with all of your teeth, including those near the back of the mouth that see less work when one hastily runs through the daily task of eating. When you chew this way, taste buds that have not awoken in many years suddenly awake, surprising you with how rich and downright delicious the food substance can be. It’s like discovering a treasure hidden right beneath your nose!

Eating meditation is this game. Gaining wisdom and inside knowledge is the aim. But you can’t do this alone. Be constantly aware of the other tool given to us to practice our journey with the breath.

I’m asking you to walk and chew gum at the same time, got it? Actually, you should breathe and chew each morsel simultaneously, “sensing” or “feeling” the food and the air. Be cognizant of each. Focus on nothing but them until you can widen your scope of awareness to include other parts of your body, the parts that tense up without us even thinking about it.

Focus on Tense Areas of Body while Chewing

I bet you dollars to donuts that if you take a survey of yourself now, you’d feel some tenseness in the body, particularly in the shoulders. Go there. Focus your mind there, not once, but often during the eating process. I don’t know why, but we tense up a lot. Even when there appears to be no earthly reason to “be on guard,” we stay as coiled as a metal spring waiting to force a jack-in-the-box to pop out to warn us of danger, a threat, or possibly some other leftover primordial reflex action.

Calm down. Calm down the body just as you’re calming down the mind by focusing on the where, the how, and the why of the food in your mouth. You fooled yourself into not thinking wayward thoughts while chewing again and again.

Time to swallow and feel the passageway the food now travels. (Check on those shoulders and loosen them again!)

Compassion Arises when Food is for Thought

Practice this technique when you are alone, Little One. Practice it with like-minded persons who understand that the way to one’s heart can be through his or her stomach. Love and compassion arise when you choose to make food for thought.

Truly Living May Just Be Worth Dying For

The thought of going to prison never bothered me. I’d survive and flourish behind bars, where I’d have more than enough time to reflect and write which I have found is my true love in life.

No, I could kill without worrying about the consequences. It would be my first offense. I am certified as a Vietnam veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I don’t see any judge or jury putting me to death for the crime.

All of this went through my mind when I was waiting at the train platform, and a rather tall, white guy walked in front of me. I was standing near the tracks. I was close enough and in line with others standing on either side of me that I never thought someone could make their way between me and the tracks. But the man did. He walked around me. He stood directly in front of me. No one else stood that close. I recall thinking how totally inappropriate and rude his actions were.

That’s when I Planned to Kill Him. 

I know how to kill, having been trained in the infantry and as a parachutist who learned not to care about pain. I got used to it, and bared up under it so many times, it became almost second nature to welcome it during a new and challenging task. Like murder.

No, I don’t know any Kung Fu or any martial arts. But I could break the man’s neck from behind. And, if that failed, I would wrestle him to the ground and die before letting him get up as I smashed his head again and again on the platform, caring not a whit about the mess I’d make. I’m strong. More importantly, I’m strong-willed.

Breaking an unwritten Rule is Dishonorable

     He deserved to die, I rationalized and actually saw myself as a champion of the underdogs who play by the rules on train platforms. You have to honor another person’s space. You can’t stand too close to another person until or unless you see the train pulling up, and everyone tightens up the ranks, bunching together to stand at the spot you believe the train steps will come to a halt.

Why break such a rule? Why place yourself in front of someone else just because you’re taller than them are? Or younger? Or slicker? Someone like me may just kill you and use the opportunity to leave behind a staid and predictable life that’s losing whatever meaning it once may have had.

My action could be considered justifiable in a weird sort of way. No, not in a legal sense, but in a Karmic sense, if you know what I mean. I’d create some negative karma but prevent others from getting such negativity in their thoughts and desires to kill as much as I wanted to kill him. I saved them and the rest of all sentient beings a large and cumulative amount of negative karma, that I could be considered a saint in some religions.

Watching my Speech, Thoughts and Relations Now

I bring this up now only because I asked the Universe to correct my old way of life. Certain actions occurred in response to my wishes.

But instead of acting, I became a “watcher.”  I was no longer the actor, but someone above myself looking down on my speech, my thoughts, my relations with others and events that became ripened by different causes and conditions.

No, I killed no one. But I entered a state of mind where I saw a different reality. A reality that has always been there but was blocked by my mind. My mind kept me busy with one thought after another: a fear here, an anxiety there. It jumped from an emotional thought from my past to a future where nothing, but catastrophes existed. And then my mind would race, with me having no control of it.

     I feel better now. I control my mind even in the most disastrous moments of life. Who’s to say they’re disastrous? Not me. Not anymore. I’ve gained the equanimity to treat the glorious and the profane the same way. As an observer. Not a slave to emotional and useless thoughts. Just an observer of the thoughts.

Try it.

     It Could be Worth Dying For . . .

Yearning for you grows with each touch

     What is a monk to do when he is lonely? When he is blue?

     When you reach that low point where you feel you are the loneliest person in the world, who or what do you turn to for relieve? 

    The Dalai Lama says, “Don’t scratch the itch.” Better still, he cautions, “Don’t have the itch in the first place.” I paraphrase His Holiness‘ words, but not their meaning. * Don’t have the itch in the first place.

     That may be easy for a virgin entering monastic life as an adolescent. But what do you tell a grown man or woman who had not entered their spiritual path until experiencing the warmth, comfort and love in the arms of truly caring and compassionate mate?

     Something so good could not be so bad.

Experiences that Unite can Last a Lifetime   

     Even years later when one has only a dim memory of giving oneself completely to another so that both could share the ecstasy that Buddhist say comes only upon death — and in sexual union! It can be an out-of-body experience that unites, shattering the dualistic mind, if only for a second or for a lifetime.

     Should I give up this yearning for the mere touch of another? Should I mark it up as just another depravity on my part, a defilement that my mind causes in my dreams and my waking hours?

     Why has such an overwhelming sense of sexuality come over me as I draw nearer and nearer to spirituality?

(By clicking on the following sentences, you will be linked with my book “Ithaca Insights.”)

     Take on a consort, Michael J. Didn’t Buddha have a wife and child? Didn’t Shakyamuni Buddha, or Siddhartha, take a Dakini on as a consort in one of his many incarnations?

     Who, then, are those lovely women I see sitting on the knee of a Buddha? And what can a bodhisattva do when a woman wraps her most intimate parts around his most private ones in those paintings that suggest Nirvana can be reached through some tantric practice with an able and willing partner?

     Forgive me for still being human. I dreamed I felt the warmth of another as we rode an escalator together, and our shoulders came into contact immediately. The contact remained throughout the time it took to scale the short distance. The warmth from the touch lasted for what seemed like forever. I never wanted the ride to end, for the shoulder to be removed. I could have died and been happy right then and there.

     I awoke and felt compelled to plead my case to the Universe, hoping I’d get the answer my soul could live with. Break it to me gently, please.

     I’ll return to my cave after the verdict.

* * * *

*(If one is itchy, then one scratches himself.
Better than any number of scratches
However, it is when one does not itch at all.”

— His Holiness the Dalai Lama quoting Nagarjuna, the Indian scholar, with a three-line thought on the question of Erotic Love.

Saying ‘I Love You’ Twice Blesses Me!

I Love.”

It’s an affirmation I can live with over and over, day in and day out, from one lifetime to another, without ever getting tired of saying it.

It is in the giving of love that I’m twice blessed. I got so much of it when I come into your presence that I can’t keep it in, and I must share, or I know that I could die. And so, I tell you that “I Love You,” and hope that you never stop listening to me. Even if you blush and say that I’m only kidding and scold me, saying “Stop that, Michael. Quit playing around.”  Continue reading

God needs no Out-of-Body Experience

Too often I hear someone talk about an “out-of-body” experience as if it was the greatest thing since, I don’t know, the invention of peanut butter. Astral projection is another feat people speak of in hushed tones as if their trip from one place to another meant everything in the world.

Well, I’m here to tell you there ain’t nothing like the good old-fashioned “In-Body” experience to get the blood rushing and the ecstasy flowing. ” It’s your body now, stupid.” You don’t have to go chasing some Holy Grail to find the answer “out there.” It’s here and it’s now. 

I was reminded of this when I suggested to a novice of the *Middle Way to try the “Body Scan” method of guided meditation. She sat for 25 minutes in a group and grappled with one thought after another. It was tough, she told me, but this dear child had taken her first steps toward enlightenment. They were baby steps.

With a little guidance, she made it through a sitting meditation. A brief walking meditation followed, and if her experience was anything like my first walk, she probably felt awkward, unbalanced, and out of shape. (See: Why must this path hurt so much?)

Need a Little Concentration in Meditation

The body scan can help with the concentration needed in meditation, I realized when I was giving advice to her several hours after our one-on-one talk. Find an instructor or a CD where someone could “guide” you through a scan, I suggested. Follow the guide’s instructions and focus on the part of the body the scan takes you.

The scan is nothing more than an attempt by a meditator to be acutely aware of one’s sensation of touch as it relates to, let’s say, your right foot. Upon hearing “right foot,” you make the foot the single-minded object of your attention. Feel the toes, focus on the big toe, now try to “sense” the toe next to it, and then the group of toes. Can you feel the pinky? The tip of the pinky?

It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out where the guide will take you next. Choose another part of the foot, say the insole, the ankle, or the heel, and allow your mind to hover there, being aware of each chosen part. Eventually, you’ll touch on all the parts and be amazed at how much easier it was to nudge thoughts out of your way!

Remove all Invasive Thoughts while Meditating

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call an “In-Body” experience. But don’t take my word for it. Try it yourself. If you’re like my new novice friend (is that a redundancy? A “new novice friend“?), you’ll probably need a little help from a friend, or at least, a friendly voice. That is, until you’re able to gently move your meandering and invasive thoughts “out of the picture,” and become one with your body.

I experience a tingling sensation, an effervescent feeling while “in focus.” It’s generated by some low-level motor-like engine running constantly throughout the body. A warmth blankets me, while providing a coolness at the same time.

Staying as ‘I Am’ in the Present Moment

All needs and desires are gone, save one. A wish to stay where I am – as I am – for as long as the peace and calm will effortlessly carry me. Amazingly, I am totally aware of everything around me. I am much more than this body “chilling out” in this space, this time. There is no past, no future, and the present stretches from beginningless time to endless time. My consciousness feeds off some Mother Entity that is all around me and in me.

I bow to this power, this Divine Energy. Make me your water bearer, O Divine Mother. Let me be the instrument to share your unconditional love with others. Let them sip from your wisdom and the body of knowledge that’s stored inside their empty vessels. Be still, I will tell them. Be still, and know that I am God“ is the Bible quote that can help us Be Still with the Divine.

     Now Rejoice in that Moment!

     (*The Middle Way is the path of moderation, between the extremes of sensual indulgence and self-mortification.)

Don’t let me believe in all my thoughts

     I’m so scared because I don’t know what to do, nor who to turn to. Flashes of insights, intuition, and a “knowing” that borders on the Psychic have arisen in me and I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.  Continue reading

Friar Pope champions single moms, Chastises clergy for shutting ’em out

     He’s at it again. This time, the Friar Pope is championing what I call the “untouchable class” of Catholics, the single mother, also known throughout Christianity’s Dark Ages as the “UN – WED MOTHER.”

     (Funny, but those Dark Ages seem like only yesterday!)  Continue reading

Doors are Opening for All Doing Good!

There’s a passage in Mark’s Gospel in which Jesus’ disciples complain that someone — one who is not one of them — is casting out demons in Jesus’ name. It seems that fundamentalists of all ages have held a belief that there was only one way to get to the kingdom; only one way, and that was through Jesus.  Continue reading

Happy Mothers’ Day, Poor Little Thérèse

     How could I – a mother of two with a 10-year drug problem – be facing a life sentence for something stupid I did at the local Rite Aid store? Continue reading

I wish all compassion found in meditation

     On February 5th, 2012, a friend who calls herself, the Frugal Xpatcommented:

I always wanted to meditate . . .

I didn’t respond to the comment until now, but I want to share how everyone could enjoy this exercise the Frugal Expat spoke of in Daily Meditation Desperately Needed. As she describes her life’s quest, she is on “An expat’s journey in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.” Continue reading

Let the Superfluous go, Cruise a Freeway

     Shifting into cruise control, I let myself glide through many of life’s activities nowadays. I relax, take several deep breaths, and seek a place inside where there are no thoughts, no worries, and no frets.

     I’ve already done all the heavy lifting. I planned the contours of my day, knowing when I could go on autopilot and when I needed to let the left hemisphere of my brain take over. You know, when I need to calculate, navigate, and/or investigate, I turn to the so-called “thinking” process. But I don’t let thoughts interrupt my breakfast while I eat.

     I awake with no problem and shave, shower, and dress myself, making only minor decisions in these efforts, particularly choosing which clothes to put on. Who needs to think while running water, flossing teeth, or flushing a toilet?

Think of Nothing but this Very Moment

     After getting into the car and driving to my preplanned destination of work or play, I need not think of the future or the past, but just the moment in front of me. This is my time, not someone else’s time, who would use it as unwisely as I used to by daydreaming, recalling past events, or projecting a thousand possibilities of things that could happen in the future that I had absolutely no control over.

     A soft calm spreads throughout my body. Stiff and sore parts start to loosen up and relax. I have no need or wish to be anywhere but where I am at the moment.

     I seek this plane of awareness when I read intently or listen deeply. When I’m in this “zone,” I retain more from a book or article, and hear not only spoken words from a speaker, but more of the meaning someone is trying to say without words.

‘Let Go’ of Everything but the Now!

     When I free myself of the noisy thoughts and outside interferences, I become more present for the environment I’ve chosen to focus on, be it reading or writing, laughing or crying, or simply standing or sitting while I wait to engage in my next series of “actions.” I am more “there” than ever before because I purposely “let go” of all that has little if anything to do with the “now.”

     I focus better on the job, finding more clarity on what’s needed and what’s superfluous. There’s a great word for you, superfluous. How much of what we do, say, and think is just that? Superfluous. How easy life could be if we eliminated more and more of the unnecessary add-ons that we thought so important at one time, but discovered never added one iota to our overall well-being.

     Breathing in, I am at home with myself. Breathing out, I am at home with you and all the love, compassion, and sense of equanimity that the best families could ever offer.

     All I have to do is Let Go.

     Now Cruise, Baby, Cruise.

Where is the boy I left home for the war?

I knew a boy

Who went to war

And left his home

Behind him.

I knew him well,

That boy was me

And now I cannot

Find him.

                                                                           — A Vietnam Veteran’s tweak of a World War II Sailor’s Song about War

Greet your road with love and compassion

     I’ve taken compassion on the road.

     Literally!

      I send affection to motorists cut off by a speeding car that winds in and out of lanes. I feel for the driver who was never told by the operator of a car in front that that operator was going to turn, despite what appears to be working lights that turn on and off when you press the turn signal lever up or down.

     My heart goes out to you who have observed the speed limit, inching no more than seven miles an hour over a 55-mph limit when someone in a pickup truck rides your tail even though the driver can simply pull into the open right lane and pass your car on the left.

     I used to curse out those I believed were inconsiderate drivers. You know the aggressive types that always seemed to have more important business to attend to than you did.  Too often, I’d let anger push me to the extreme, and I’d speed up to show ’em what a speedster they had met on the road. It was road rage, pure and simple. The more I focused on how I’d been insulted, the more the rage would become inflamed, causing me to see red and not care about the defensive driving skills I swore I would practice just a few minutes earlier when I was feeling more level-headed.

Compassion for So-Called Reckless Driver

     Then it dawned on me. I could feel compassion for the so-called reckless driver. I know what it is like to be in such a hurry. I’ve been there. I’d feel the world would come to an end should I miss an appointment, be late for a job, or fail in the impression I wanted to make by arriving early enough to greet someone.

     I always had a reason to speed. There were so many important things I had to do, to finish, to check off that “to-do” list to feel my life was worthwhile, that I was accomplished, that I am accomplishing . . . something.

     I try to understand how the person traveling in the car trapped himself or herself by his or her own expectations, the desires and attachments to concepts and ideas that were no more real than the make-believe “deadline” they have imposed on themselves. No, there has never been a line that we needed to reach to prevent someone from falling down dead.

     We’ve created this illusion. We’ve invested much of our lives into reaching certain milestones, destinations, and goals. That is all well and good, until we enslave ourselves to becoming totally “outcome-focused.” How you get there doesn’t matter, just as long as you carry out that task wherever it might be. Too often, it doesn’t matter who we hurt or cut off on the road we have traveled.

Process is More Important than the Finish Line

     The process itself, I have learned, is just as important as, if not more important than, crossing the finish line. We spend the greatest part of our lives in some sort of “process” to get something.

     We are squandering away that time if we focus on nothing but the ending. Why not learn to enjoy the road while we’re riding? Enjoy the lay of the land, the smooth macadam where the tires roll on following a bumpy part of the highway. Breathe in the air, the scented smell of that green-tree air-freshener of mint or the dark brown one that smells like brand new leather seats.

     Sip from your cup of hot coffee or cool water. Listen to music or the beautiful sounds of silence that help you to still the mind so that you can live through your senses now, not at the end of the road. It is in the moment that you can find true compassion. Seek it inside, and, if you’re lucky, you can pick it up as a hitch-hiker on a road less traveled.

Abide in the moment you just completed

I am Complete.

I am Finished.

     I’ve done what I have done and everyone can be satisfied with my efforts, including — and most importantly — me. Continue reading

Pinned for a Life above & beyond the call

While Neil Armstrong was taking a giant leap for all mankind, I had taken a small step toward adulthood one month after the moon landing, and I had no one to thank for it except my brother, who encouraged me to aim for the stars in becoming an Officer and a Gentleman in the Army of the United States of America.

     I had weathered the worst six months of my life – worse even than my later combat duty in the Vietnam War – as I underwent the rigorous training in Officers’ Candidate School. We ran everywhere we went, and when we couldn’t run anymore, we’d run in place, waiting in line for chow outside the mess hall, or to use the latrine.

     I was the second-youngest in a company of some 200 recruits – carrying a minimum rank of Specialist Five (E-5) – who learned tactics and survival skills and how to endure under the harshest conditions while developing leadership qualities. The youngest ones were targeted for even more physical and psychological drills because of our age.

     Commisioned an Officer and a Gentleman at Age 20

      The company commander once ordered me to do some 400 situps in a sleeping bag, relenting only after he got tired of counting, and I tore parts of my butt apart from sliding it back and forth against the ground so much. I’m surprised I didn’t tear a hole through the bag, but instead of forcing me out of the program, it encouraged me not to quit and to take whatever he was willing to dish out. At age 20, with nothing but a high school diploma, I earned the respect of several with college and graduate degrees who might have changed their minds about my leading troops.

     Those of us who made it filed out of the auditorium at Fort Benning, Ga., having been addressed by some old, weathered colonel who appeared to be in his 70s and was still jumping out of airplanes  – his latest count reaching more than 600 jumps! He looked a little crazy, “gung-ho crazy,” if you know what I mean. His eyes seemed permanently fixed wide open; he was jumpy and alert to the smallest sound or movement nearby. I would compare the hyperawareness and sensitivity I’d get from post-traumatic stress years later to his demeanor and makeup.

Being ‘pinned’ by my brother as a Second Lieutenant

But on this day, August 22, 1969, my oldest brother had prepared a ceremony to take place outside the doors of the graduation hall. Dressed in his regular working uniform as an E-6 (Staff Sergeant), he carefully removed two metal bars from a cardboard box. We called them “butter bars,” the yellow metal bars symbolizing the rank of Second Lieutenant, the lowest rank in the Army’s officer corps.

So many things went through my mind as I stood at attention, looking straight ahead, hoping my dress-uniform hat was affixed properly. I didn’t want to be out of order in any way, shape, or form at this time in my life.

What a Shining Moment!

     My oldest brother, six years my senior, was about to pin the bars on my shoulder, officially welcoming me to a world where I would become an officer and a gentleman. I did not know then what the designation by an Act of Congress would actually mean. That would come later in Vietnam, when I’d see mortar fire hit and wound half a squad I was leading; when a Viet Cong sniper would shoot and kill Lt. Vic Ellinger, one of only three lieutenants in our combat infantry company; or as two soldiers under another lieutenant’s command would forget where they had placed their claymore mine trip-wire and walk into it, killing themselves.

     That was all in the future, along with the PTSD that would raise its ugly head some 25 years after the war. It wouldn’t be all bad, particularly right after being discharged, when this young veteran would use a sense of failure to achieve success in academics, getting degrees in journalism and history before finding his other life’s calling years later as a public defender trial lawyer after obtaining a Juris Doctor Degree.

      I knew none of this as my brother George S. Contos fastened the metal bars to my uniform jacket, stepped back, and brought his right hand briskly to his forehead, saluting the superior officer that I had become.

     Nothing in my life could compare to that shining moment.

Graduation Highlights Father-Son Ties

One of the most wonderful moments of my life occurred without my knowing it. Had I the presence of mind to be more present for things that mattered, I might not have missed it. Recalling what this once-in-a-lifetime occurrence must have been like, however, is the second-best way I know of memorializing it. Continue reading

Omega opens doors to lost PTSD veterans

I didn’t want to go back to Omega Institute this year. Each time I travelled to this land of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle, I’d get high from the holistic experience. But then I’d change into an Ichabod Crane feeling chased by the Headless Horseman, who’d tell true-life stories that caused so much pain I couldn’t hold it inside. Continue reading

Keeping all Alive a ‘Lifetime Achievement’

     After serving in the Vietnam War I turned my back on anything having to do with the military, and so I was totally surprised years later when, requesting my medals, I got one that I still don’t believe I earned. Continue reading

Mindfully cleaning pot helps cleanse mind

Cleaning a pot can be very meaningful, particularly if you block out all thoughts and concentrate on nothing but you and the instrument that has helped provide you with so much nourishment. Continue reading

Being present for the dying brings all alive

Death entered my life recently and I’ve felt so alive with its presence. Continue reading

Only the Pure in Heart Will See their Goal

Purity.

     There’s something in it that resonates with me. In my private moments, I try my best to connect with it, but once I start to analyze it, it vanishes. Continue reading

Exercise Gets Me Higher, Step by Step

     I get such a high while exercising that I can’t imagine why I haven’t done this more often in life. Continue reading

‘Mammy’ can you hear? It’s your little boy!

There is a tradition in Eastern philosophies where you’re taught to view each person and other sentient being as if he, she – or it is your mother. I never knew how nurturing this could be until I allowed the child in me to reciprocate and bask in the most secure and loving place. Continue reading

How many times must we say “I’m sorry”?

Saying you’re sorry can be downright scary.

Particularly, if you’re not sure if the other party will accept your mea culpa even though it’s from the bottom of your heart.  Continue reading

Enlightening Chant Charms Meditation

After chanting a non-English mantra for some time, I finally learned its definition and discovered a gem of wisdom while contemplating its meaning. Meditating will never be the same, and I want to share with others a little of the enlightenment it’s provided me.

Om Mani Padme Hung. Continue reading

A change in time helps change my reality

Reality shifted on me the other day, and it helped me realize that I have more control than my “resifted” thoughts allowed me to see. Now, with a “time-control outlook,” I can try to change my world for the better.  Continue reading

Creativity shines when pure self emerges

     Creativity exists in all of us.

     But only those who nurture it can fully appreciate its magical transformation.

     I liken it to a mineral or rock that resides within, undisturbed by the daily thoughts and busy lives of quiet desperation. It can be uncovered only when one stills the mind and releases preconceived notions of what creation is all about.  Continue reading

Let Catholics ‘opt out” in birth control plan

I don’t understand all the fuss that Catholic universities and hospitals are raising over providing health care for women that includes mandatory birth control provisions. Why not let “Practicing Catholics” follow the teachings of their church to “opt out” for the coverage, while permitting non-Catholics what doctors and women’s groups say is a health benefit?  Continue reading

Seeing a Veteran’s’ History Never Repeats

Do all of us & yourself a favor.

Keep an eye out for a Veteran.

Actively seek out someone in your church, synagogue or temple and befriend him so that what happened in Philadelphia last week never happens again.  Continue reading

Daily Meditation Desperately Needed

     It’s time for my disappearing act to begin. I close my eyes, wave an imaginary magic wand, and slowly begin to vanish from existence here. All thoughts and fears come to an end as I find protection beneath a cloak of invisibility, safe from the savages outside and the demons within.  Continue reading

Messaging yourself to another generation

Ever wonder what life was like for ancestors living fifty, a hundred or even 200 years ago?

How would you like to read a journal of some great, great, great-aunt forced to raise a family alone after her soldier husband had been killed in the Civil War? Like to see your great-grandfather dressed in Irish kilts speaking to you from the old country, or view a relative wearing a straw hat toasting you from America’s Roaring 20s? 

Well, I’d like to tell my offspring what life was really like at the end of the 20th Century and this new millennium as we kick off the Year 2012. We have the technology to share our thoughts and our knowledge if we simply take advantage of it.

But what should we say?

What message would you want to leave them?

You should be honest about difficulties you faced and how you learned to overcome them. Talk about the failures for them to truly appreciate the successes. Pull no punches, but don’t scare the hell out of their need toward risk-taking.

What I’m suggesting is journal writing with a twist. Why not tell your story in a webcast? Write about a subject you feel strongly about and video tape it (“Webcam” it!) Turn on the camera, look into its lens, and announce your intent to shake hands across time. Tell them what angers you about the world today, with the focus on making a buck at any cost.

Give them an earful of how the religions we grew up with failed us until finding spirituality inside and not in someone else’s building. Speak of how you still get a chill when hearing the national anthem played on baseball’s opening day.

————

Laugh!

Cry!

And smile as you discuss your first job, say, at age 15 working as a messenger boy traveling from one downtown business to another, walking instead of riding the bus to save a 20-cent token. Tell how you couldn’t cut it as a door-to-door sales rep of some product or other when discharged from the military and willing to work at anything to help pay your way through community college.

  • Talk about war, but not too much. Admit mistakes you made that lead to a divorce.  Mention, but do not dwell on, financial deals that went bust or the causes you fought for despite them actually being lost from the start.

It’s all of whom we really are, and they can hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Webcast yourself! Sit in front of a fireplace or a row of books and practice your presentation before making it. Entice a family member to ask your questions to get you started but

START IT!

Now all I have to do is comb my hair, get comfortable, and find the confidence to practice what I preach. If I do, I’ll see you on U-tube or some other place in the not-too-distant future.

Recalling childhood angels with dirty faces

I can think of no worse place to be than in a church, a temple, or a synagogue when an unbidden and involuntary giggle would invade my psyche and take control of me. A “giggle” is too mild a word: uncontrollable laughter would rise to the level of guffaws and downright knee-slappers, right at the most somber parts of a religious service. Continue reading

All-women jury renders “unknown” verdict

The one and only time I stood before an all-women jury, I ended up asking for a mistrial after the judge and prosecutor entered the jury deliberation room without my knowledge and in violation of the sequestration rule to safeguard against jury tampering.  Continue reading

Getting High With A Little Help From . . .

I got High Again.

I didn’t know how much I needed a “fix” until my head slumped on my chest and I “awoke” to a restful, calm, and peaceful world I had been away from for what seemed a lifetime. I felt.

But please don’t judge me. Don’t look upon me as weak or needy. I have tried so hard to be the strong, silent type who could weather any storm alone: self-reliant and dependent on no one except myself to get through the most difficult of life’s situations. Yet, each time I overcame what felt like one disaster after another, I knew deep inside I could not succeed on my own. I needed help from a Source I’d subconsciously tapped into to get me through each ordeal.

Craving for the ‘Elixir of Life’ Quick-Fix

I now admit I couldn’t have done it without getting high while no one was looking. I’ve become addicted. In recent days, months, and years, I needed more and more of what I call the “elixir of life.” I’d crave the equanimity it would offer me as a serotonin chemical would enter into my bloodstream, my consciousness, my very essence.

I don’t care what others might say about my habit anymore. I need a crutch to get through my day, and I’m only realizing now how much I struggle when I fail to take a hit. The earlier in the day, I can get it, the better. I need that something extra to assure me all is well, that all will be well, no matter what failings, shortcomings, or simple ignorance I bring to daily life.

     I am dependent on this “Source” to take me away from my worries, my concerns, my feelings of, I don’t know, call it an emptiness of sorts that so hard to describe, let alone, understand.

Search for a Place to be Alone Within & Without

When the need calls to me, I look for a place where I can be alone. I get into a comfortable posture, a familiar one that offers a tingling sensation of anticipation. I am going to escape, I tell myself, as I settle into a chair or on a pillow, exposing my vulnerability to forces outside and inside myself.

I open one hand to the heavens above, ready to accept whatever peace may soon come my way. My other hand rests downward, touching the solid earth that grounds me. The arm and exposed hand facing skyward await the blissful infusion the drug will eventually provide.

     I Close my Eyes.

My mind is racing like steaming locomotion, a runaway train minus a conductor at the controls. I can’t truly let go and open myself while my thoughts are zigzagging from one place to another. The thoughts fly from the past to the future. (They never seem to come to rest in the present!) Each carries unwanted baggage. I can’t rid myself of these thoughts. They come unbidden, unneeded. They impede my plans to escape the battlefield I’m maneuvering through.

I Stop Fighting.

      Stop swinging at unseen opponents, hoping a knockout punch will somehow save you, Michael J. Give in, take the fix. Admit that you can no longer live without it.

  And, That’s it.

Surrender.

Acquiesce to the Power Greater than Yourself. Feel warmth slowly spread through your body, easing the tightness in your neck and your shoulders, the parts so tense and coiled they feel like a jack-in-the-box ready to spring out. You need only breathe and allow the source to seep into you, to wash over you, to elevate your mind and your spirit.

Reaching Higher In Women’s Company

I Love Women.

I’ll take them in all shapes and sizes, the old and the young, the rich and the poor.

If it wasn’t for women, I — and a lot of guys I know — wouldn’t even be here! Continue reading

All I Want For Christmas Is . . . Nothing!

     Am I un-American or anti-religious when I tell you something I’ve been trying to say for years, but have been afraid of hurting your feelings?

     I want Nothing for Christmas!  Continue reading

Indulgences for Purgatory from Past Lives

      (Caution: Exposure to this post could be hazardous to your health, particularly if you were raised Catholic with a taste of Buddhist and Kabalistic ingredients thrown in the mix.)

Indulgences are some things I never thought I’d think about once I finished with my Catholic upbringing and moved onto Eastern Studies and the spiritual advice from the Kabbalah. But there I was reading how someone could limit their time in purgatory by performing certain acts and saying prayers.  Continue reading

Writing Reveals Truth Flowing Within

     Why do I write?

     The answer is: because I have to. I need the therapy to look deep inside to provide me. I’m not talking about surface writing. You know, the kind a reporter might type when covering some disaster, a meeting, or a political event that might include both. I write only after communing with some sort of truth that bubbles up from within.  Continue reading