You’ll never find me here.
I learned years ago that I could hide away from you whenever I feel you’re looking too closely at me or expecting me to act a certain way that I really don’t want to act, to speak, or to even think. Continue reading
You’ll never find me here.
I learned years ago that I could hide away from you whenever I feel you’re looking too closely at me or expecting me to act a certain way that I really don’t want to act, to speak, or to even think. Continue reading
I was unashamed of the tears that fell while watching the father of a young soldier describe the sacrifice his son made for America the other night. Khizr Khan, a Muslim immigrant, spoke with pride at the Democratic Convention and I couldn’t help but see my father in him and the love all parents felt for children called by our nation to defend it. Continue reading
Playing is something I do quite well, if I do say so myself. I enjoyed it ever since I was a kid and don’t see how I could truly enjoy my life if I didn’t incorporate some sort of play in my daily living.  Continue reading
By TEA
It was Saturday morning, May the 19th of 2012. I awoke that early morning feeling well rested. Since the beginning of the new year, I have been working Monday through Thursday, having Fridays off. In the past, when working a full week, my Saturdays were spent sleeping in and catching up on the many hours of sleep lost during the week. Continue reading
Why is anger my “go-to” emotion? Why does it crop up whenever I’m confronted with something I don’t understand or something I feel threatened by?
“Crop up“ is not the right phrase to use. My anger “erupts.” It goes from zero to sixty within the span of a millisecond. It always seemed to be that way, even as a kid. Now at last I think I know why. Continue reading
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
Peggy’s mother, Mary, answered and said “Hello, Michael.” She didn’t invite me in, but smiled, and I kind of smiled back.  Continue reading
My son, Nicholas, just didn’t seem to understand how much pain I suffered in Sutcliffe Park when I took him to see fireworks on clear and starry night sky on the Fourth of July some years ago.
At first, I enjoyed the rockets zooming into the air. They were colorful red, white, and blue explosions that took your breath away with gasps of wonder and awe.
Soon, however, they took on a menacing demeanor, as each blast began to remind me of the Vietnam War and the rounds of mortar fire that fell on me and my platoon some 30 years earlier.  Continue reading
“I don’t know” is soon to become my life-long mantra.
It has helped me immensely in calming the “monkey mind” after a wonderful Korean woman introduced it to me, and it took a full day for me to understand its profound ramifications.
For me, saying “I don’t know” is a way of humbling myself and admitting that I know very little about the world I live in and what really matters in the scheme of life. No matter how hard I try to “get it right” through searching and throwing myself into one spiritual path after another, the end result brings me no closer to any definite answer and it’s okay to let it go and simply say “I don’t know” to the world.
That’s one of the prayers I’d recite as an altar boy at St. Ludwig’s Roman Catholic Church, and I’ll never forget it ‘til the day I die. Don’t ask me what it means right now. I never figured it out as a kid, but I loved to say it!  Continue reading
The Beatles got it right in the 1960s.
“All you need is love.”
“Love is all there is.”
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I couldn’t agree with them more, particularly after experiencing the warm glow and gentle caress of a bunch of lovers who helped me to open my foolish heart to “A Course of Love.”  Continue reading
I heard a banjo strum as I fed the birds outside near the plum tree in my yard this morning. Banjo? Strumming? Where could that have come from, I wondered?
Continue readingI went within and felt nothing this morning. I knew this day would come, but I thought I would put it off until the day I’d die. Yes, I thought I’d have enough juice within to tell my story until I took that last breath.
But Life fooled me. It hit me upside the head, showing me, you can’t take anything for granted. All things are subject to change. All phenomena are transitory, all are impermanent. The only permanence that exists is Love I believe that energizes us and the world we all live in. Continue reading
Day 7 – Total Balance Is Natural Balance
Question 1 of 4
Describe three sources of inspiration in your life that keep you aiming to be a better you.
— Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra’s Free 21-day Meditation
If I had a magic wand, I would wave it and remove all of the hate in our land. It would take away the hurt all felt throughout the ages of man from the beginning of time, when Cain killed his brother, and when a stupid Esau sold his birthright to his brother Jacob for a lousy bowl of soup.  Continue reading
One doesn’t have to go on a diet to lose the excess weight of a lifetime of living. All you need do is to lighten your mind, get rid of burdens carried from childhood when the trauma of difficulties and missteps caused you to stumble and lose faith in your God-given direction.
“Lighten up,” is what someone told me once, and that is exactly what I have tried to do after experiencing Holotropic Breath Work and listening to the new “Weight Loss” meditation offered by Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra today. My struggle has ended, and from now on, I will be in harmony with me, myself, and I. Continue reading
We’ve all experienced love in one form or another. Most remember the romantic love that may have flourished when we were young and felt the longing to receive the touch of love from another person.
Love also appeared in our lives as infants as our loving mother held us, cradling our small bodies with her hand behind the back of our necks. She held the spot where the brain and skull come into contact with the spinal cord, the neck area.
Jaya Herbst, a lecturer certified by the European Association for Transpersonal Psychotherapy – Eurotas, said there can be healing in the touch of one person upon another. But first there must be an intent, a “will” to love to help with the touch, be it to smooth the crying of a child or to hug a grown-up who needs the physical contact to know all will be just right in that moment. Continue reading
Blue has been my favorite color since I don’t know when. I guess my parents influenced my choice when I was young. I mean, I was a boy. And I was born in in the land of the red, white, and blue. Continue reading
I’m enjoying life and feel a peace and calm I didn’t know I’d ever experience again. It’s like falling in love for the very first time. I look forward to each new day filled with hope and a smile for whatever life presents to me.  Continue reading
When will I ever learn to trust the Universe?
When will I develop enough faith to believe things happen for my well-being? And when can I truly trust my instincts and live more peacefully in tune with what the Cosmos is manifesting just for me ? Continue reading
I didn’t know how much joy there could be in grief until sorrow encompassed me and a warm flow of unconditional love spread throughout my entire being. Someone I knew experienced a death in her family and it hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks when I learned of her demise . . . Continue reading
I believe that all of us are placed on this earth for a purpose, and the aim for us in life is to find out what that purpose is!
We don’t usually seek the answer right away. Most put it off until some calamity forces us to find answers to life’s most important questions. Why am I here? Why am I in this body? Who am I, really?  Continue reading
Death doesn’t seem to scare me as much as it used to. I mean, I see it as a transition, and not an ending. In some ways, it will be a welcome “new adventure” if you think about it in spiritual terms.
No, I’m not talking about heaven and hell like the Catholic nuns and priests preached to me as a kid at St. Ludwig’s Roman Catholic Church where I served as an altar boy and wanted to be a priest until I discovered girls. I’m talking about a transition to a “way station,” a place where your spirit — or soul — ascends to meet with higher spirits or what some might call Ascended Masters.  Continue reading
You wanted more, and I couldn’t give it to you. I was seeking love, romance, and someone I could be committed to. You simply saw me as a “one-night stand.” Someone you enjoyed being with for an hour, a night, or just one day in the life of two ships like us meeting briefly on a night at sea.  Continue reading
Listen to what the Universe is saying. It may speak to you in ways you might not understand unless you’re open to all means of communication. 
I personally try to go with the flow. For instance, I planned to take money out of a fund created for my son more than 20 years ago to pay for four new tires on his car. They cost more than a thousand dollars. I called the firm that held his stocks and had obtained the necessary paperwork to sell off 30 stocks to get $1,200.
I misplaced the paperwork and no matter where I looked for it, I couldn’t find it.
I believe that I am being told by forces around me and within me that use of my son’s savings is not the source to get the money. I’m listening to something that is more than just a coincidence. It is a guidance, a nudge into a direction other than the one I had planned to go.
I’m listening to the Universe. And I’ll seek a different avenue for the accomplishment of my task.
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It can be as simple as that. But only if you open your true self to listening in different ways!
Listen. You can Hear the Universe Speak if You but Let It . . .
Peggy sat at the table of the Blue Jay Restaurant, staring out the window and wondering where her life had gone and what she should do with her new condition. 
She had hoped that the signs she felt from her body were false and that she was simply sick. But she knew from what happened to her older sister that there was no getting around the truth.
Peggy was pregnant. The man she surrendered her virginity to had helped her to conceive a child. It was a dream she had had since childhood and nursed along since reaching puberty.
But he was not the man she had hoped for. He was much older than her. She was 21 years old and got to know him while working at the pizza store, he operated along Girard Avenue in the heart of North Philadelphia, where Peggy was raised and hoped to leave someday.
Romantic love discarded for the sake of child-rearing
Now her plans for the immediate future would change. She’d be forced to make choices that would alter her dreams and the bright tomorrow she had hoped to see on reaching adulthood.
No, she would not seek an abortion. Peggy was raised Catholic, and she would not consider such an action, which the church considered a mortal sin. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t know where to seek such a procedure, having little or no contact with any women’s movement that could possibly guide her with her situation.
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Give birth to a child out of wedlock? No. Place the child somewhere through an adoption agency? No.
She’d get married to a man who she knew could be a good provider and a good father. If all went well, he’d be a good friend.
So, what if she didn’t love him? So, what if she still cared for her old boyfriend, the one she and others believed would one day get married and settle down? He was in the Army awaiting orders to go to the Vietnam War, and who knew if he would ever return, or if he did, whether he’d still be the boy she had given her heart to.
No, she knew it was better this way.
Better for all concerned, better for all parties forever more.
Wasn’t it?
I believe that I have become a “Spiritual Soldier of Fortune” and would travel anywhere my heart beckons me to learn, to pray, and to find answers about the Universe.
I got an inkling of this calling when I was a teenager. It came about when I was 18, just out of high school, and experimenting with grass and LSD. Timothy Leary enticed me with his message in the 1960s, advising all to “turn on, tune in, and drop out.” I turned on and tuned into the message but couldn’t afford to drop out because I was from a working-class family that saw work as a way out of poverty and into the middle class.
My first adventure away from my Catholic upbringing was when I purchased the Tibetan Book of the Dead, highly recommended by the LSD guru, and I actually read it before going off to the Vietnam War. I knew back then that a higher level of consciousness existed and each and every one of us could reach that exalted plane if we but follow the path our soul wanted us to take.
The next adventure I felt a “calling” toward was with a real live guru from India, a 15-year-old who preached the lifesaving and life-sustaining benefits of meditation in “Satsang’ with other devotees. Try as I might, however, I could never reach that blissful state meditators said one could reach in silence.
I gave up the guru when meeting a “Jesus Freak” and got into Christianity with an Evangelical twist to it with my born-again second wife. I attended the Episcopal Church with her and got married in a Presbyterian Church by a Methodist minister. I went to bible study sessions and long weekend retreats for Marriage Encounter and prayer fests in the hills of the Great Smoky Mountains.
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But it wasn’t until things really got tough that I ventured far away from my roots and ended up visiting other countries to study Kabbalah while learning about Sufism and Buddhism. I opened myself to aromatherapy, crystal healing, as well as Reiki. (I’m a level one Reiki practitioner.)
I once attended a Voodoo Ceremony with three women from Haiti who allowed themselves to be occupied by six spirits in a New Year’s Eve Ritual. I made friends and obtained (but have not yet read) books on Wiccan. And I figure I would pretty much explore any spiritual path as long as it didn’t involve a form of devil-worshipping. (Following the beliefs of the Republican Party doesn’t count!)
What I’m saying is that these practices have one thing in common. They all seek to raise us from our ego-based self toward our higher self, the self that is in tune with the Universe and whatever definition you want to apply to the Divine. Call the entity God, the Force, or Unconditional Love. Each practice can elevate you to a higher level of consciousness, a level where we actually do feel one with everyone and everything in our Universe.
Not only have I learned a great deal on my journeys, but I have had a helluva lot of fun. I don’t believe that laughter, smiles, and a bunch of giggles were banned by any of the Greek gods worshiped by my ancient ancestors. As Zorba the Greek once philosophized, “A man needs a little bit of madness to cut the rope and be free.” You gotta be a little mad to truly enjoy and live life.
My new adventures are calling me to such “new” areas as the “Law of Attraction,” the Kabbalah as taught by Jews and Christians alike, and psychologists who practice forms of past life regressions. I learn something new nearly every day, and every day seems to be a little sweeter with the newly discovered awareness. I still face dark moments. Suffering, sickness, and old age are all around me. But I view them all a little differently now.
Take a chance by starting a new journey. Try something even if you think people will think you are foolish. Expand your horizons by challenging your old, preconceived notions. And let go of that old-time dogma that keeps you trapped in the past.
Be a Spiritual Soldier of Fortune right now.
I met Abraham up close and personal yesterday, and I learned the universe had called me to study the Law of Attraction as voiced by Esther Hicks, the one who channeled for the spirits guiding us back to the Source within. 
Abraham then kicked me off the stage at the Philadelphia Renaissance Hotel. I never felt so loved for such a wonderful public rejection. I felt like Groucho Marx, who never wanted to belong to a club that would have him as a member.
Abraham knew — the Spirits knew — that I could take it, and it got a good laugh from the more than 500 people in the auditorium at the International Airport Hotel in my hometown.
“I don’t know why I am here,” I told the person used by Abraham to communicate. It was one Esther Hicks who called me to the stage, adjusted a microphone, and peered into my eyes as if seeing my very soul. I had bowed to Esther upon running up the steps to take what followers call the “hot seat.” I bowed out of respect to the person in front of me, as well as to the wisdom and compassion the spirits inside of Esther had provided a handful of us who visited with her.
I told her I was a member of the Philadelphia Abraham-Hicks group formed on Meetup, but was a newcomer, having only attended two meetings. Three or four of my fellow Meetup friends were in the audience, and I imagined I heard them saying a prayer for me.
The next thing I recall was this booming voice that came from this beautiful woman dressed in a black skirt and blouse with a silk shawl covering her shoulders and the top of her chest and arms. I was astonished when she looked at me and said in such a loud voice :
Utter silence echoed through the room. The only sound heard was the hum from an air conditioning unit attached to the ceiling. I felt a warmth fill me from head to toe. I became sated and felt as if I had finally come home.
I bowed to Esther and to Abraham while seated and was getting out of my chair when I thought I’d ask another question or two.
Stupid Michael J., you had your chance. Abraham answers questions with the precision of a scientist, using creatures like me to teach mankind to seek the “vibration” and to align one’s upper self with the Source, which I took to be the Creator — or for others, Allah or maybe the Supreme Being. (You can take your pick for whatever label you’re more comfortable with, or no label at all!)
“I do have another question,” I blurted out, trying to ingratiate myself with the powerful force behind the voice.
“Oh no,” Esther said. She indicated that they were done with me and tried as I might to stay, but the spirits were insistent. I gave in, stood up, and bowed to the lovely woman on the stage.
But turning to the audience, I raised my arm in a victory salute and smiled the biggest smile a Greek boy could smile from beneath his newly purchased straw hat.
I know what I want and where I’m going now. I hope to use the “Wisdom I was Born With” to return to the Source and share love and happiness with everyone.
Come along and get aligned with me!
Ever wonder what you can do to be more like the person you have always aspired to be? You know, the one you hoped you would grow up to be, but didn’t get the chance because life seemed to hit you upside your head and throw you off course? 
Well, I learned of certain gifts that we may still have and others that we can develop to be the person — the “Higher Person” — that we visualized at one time. That person still resides deep inside of us. He or she lives in our spiritual center, our soul, or the spark of divine love instilled in us at birth.
We all have spiritual gifts to provide. These are gifts not just for saints or bodhisattvas. Nor do they exist just for priests, rabbis or imams. There for the laity of religious groups, those like you and me who want to evolve in two ways: one, to “be good” and secondly to “do good.”
Here is a partial list provided to me by a fellow from St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, Chestnut Hill, Pa., where the rector dabbles in mysticism and other experiences. He helped to create the Center for Contemporary Mysticism:
Friend Companion Partner Gracious Receiver Self-Giving
Respectful Team Worker Centered Prayerful Reflective
Tranquil Serene Trustworthy Faithful Trusting Courteous
Polite Accepting Loving Understanding Compassionate
Responsible Dependable Generous Artistic Competent
Hardworking Efficient Honest Independent Action-Oriented
Intense Committed Initiator Risk-Taker Innovator
Self-Developer Helper Kind Affectionate Festive
Happy Cheerful Optimistic Spontaneous Outgoing
Design Facilitate Create Conceptualize Analyze Diagnose
Critique Interpret Construct Build Repair Maintain Caretaker
Precision Worker Operate Use Tool Teach Learn Seek Heal
Communicate Talk Write Persuade Sell Perform Demonstrate
Evaluate Inspect Inventory Catalog Compile Collect Research
Investigate Facilitate Moderate Advice Counsel Negotiate Arbitrate
Reconcile Listen Encourage Seek Wait on Others Nurture Estimate
Enable Motivate Lead Inspire Supervise Coordinate Organize
Arrange Display Compare Observe Copy Record Compute
“Being” can be just as rewarding for others as “Doing” sometimes.
What gifts can you provide your neighbor, your loved one, or perhaps, even your enemy?
Look inside. You’ll find them. Now, place them at the forefront of your awareness for the benefit of all.
I dreamed a lucid dream for the first time in my life last night.
I’ve tried to experience a lucid dream– one where you tell yourself in the dream that you are dreaming — for more than five years after reading about dream interpretations by Carl G. Jung, the eminent psychiatrist who studied with Sigmund Freud. 
I tried dreaming following a Kabbalah teaching approach and then a Buddhist one. I set an intent so many times I got tired and fell asleep with nothing to show for my meager efforts except run-of-the-mill dreams mixed in with a few nightmares.
And then I found myself chanting in the dream. I chanted the sounds of each vowel very slowly and ended the chant with the sound of “OM.”
“Aa . . . Ee . . . Ii . . . Oo. . . Uu . . OM.” I stretched the sounds of each letter using a full exhalation of my breath.
I knew it was a lucid dream when I said to myself in the dream that I couldn’t wait to tell my teacher how I chanted in my dream
My teacher is Natalie Bliss, who is instructing a small group on how to balance our Chakras. She introduced the chant last week, and I tried it while in the sauna alone two days ago. Last night, I repeated it in a dream, and I feel that a new world of dreams has finally opened to me.
What does it all mean? I believe that I can now control a part of my dreams. I can influence whatever is causing thoughts and images to appear from my subconscious. I can redirect bad things and make them less bad and, hopefully, transform them into something good someday.
That is what advanced Buddhist practitioners have tried to do while dreaming. They try to change or alter their karma. They help to create good merit while dreaming. It’s kind of like developing grace through prayers from a Christian, Jewish, or Muslim background.
Just think, you can work off some of your bad karma and obtain a blessing from the Creator with your eyes closed and body slumbering away at night!
Now let’s see if I can open myself to messages from above. Let me address my better angels and set an intent to create peace and love in the world.
Who knows? I might even see you in one of the dreams. Yours or mine.
We’ll play like little kids and give each other gifts and promise to always be friends in this world, as well as any others we find ourselves awakening in. And then we’ll do it again in our next lifetime or in heaven, depending on your point of view, or however you want your dreams to come true!
What gifts can I offer the world today? What insight, wisdom, or thought could I bestow on others seeking the healing we need for our mutual pain and suffering?
I am no psychic. I’ve never seen an angel or felt the tingling sensation from a spirit wanting to use me to provide a message or a sign. I’m no medium. 
And yet, I feel that the one gift I have is something that all of us possess once we humble ourselves and seek peace and tranquility inside.
I offer you Love. A love from the bottom of my heart, from my very being. It’s a love that was implanted in me at the start of this current lifetime. It’s a love the Divine kept hidden until I was ready to see His energy in all things.
It is part of the same love that created this world, this universe, this reality.
It is the love that sustains us and will continue to offer blessings to all who are open to its redeeming nature.
Accept this love. It’s really not mine. You see, it’s on loan. I get to keep but a small portion as I give most of it away. Once you feel and accept this love, I get it all back and then some.
All I need do is still myself and go within with the overriding intent to bestow love on you and all of those you come into contact with, causing a rippling effect to bring happiness to all sentient beings. Please pass on this love and be the channel for it to flow. You’ll get the gift of love back before the day is done.
Smile and enjoy the feeling of love glowing inside . . .
Now, give it away and use whatever psychic powers you’ve developed to help bring about a better world, a higher sense of being one with the universe.
I miss you. My God, how I have missed you!
It feels like forever since we’ve been together.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I know that it’s my fault. I walked out on you, believing I could get along without you, without your guidance without your help. Without your Love . . .
I was a fool, and I know it now.
You knew it too, but you’re too nice, too loving to ever say “I Told You So.” There have been so many times when I tried to go it alone. I’d find small success and material gains here and there, but I’d always end up failing where it really counted. In my heart, in my dreams, even in my soul.
I didn’t know how much I needed someone like you until I hit rock bottom and experienced how miserable life could be without you.
I became the loneliest man in the world. I was too ashamed to admit I was nothing without you. That you were my reason for living, for breathing, for just “Being.” I realize now that I truly am a great big nothing without you.
And you care so much for me that you’ve always been willing to give me another chance at becoming the loving creature that the Universe had created me to be. I want to be more like you, to care more like you, to give more like you . . . to want nothing in return except the wisdom to know that it is in the giving that we receive, it is in the pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in the death to this world that we can truly find life worth living.
Thank you, my Divine One. I hope to be with you as one for now and forever more
Seeds planted in the 1960s have flowered, and the Age of Aquarius has finally dawned on the world, awakening many of us to a new way of living, a new way of forgiving. The first signs of this new enlightenment began in the 1990s as the Berlin Wall fell, God revealed secrets in the Celestial Prophecy, and the mystical Wisdom of Kabbalah was made known to non-Jews and all women, regardless of age or religious backgrounds. 
New Age dabblers learned from old age philosophers about the true meaning of life — to Know, Love and Serve God by serving each other.
* * *
JOIN IN. OPEN UP. FEEL FREE!
We found the divine through our science.
Quantum Physics showed that our world is constantly in flux — that it is totally impermanent — yet cooperating every second with each other “individual” part making us all one whole healthy body.
We are aware now that consciousness connects everything thing in the universe and is in everything in the universe.
It is our duty and our honor now to share that with the rest of humanity. Our goal will be to help them remove the ignorance that nationhood instills in conformity. We will facilitate their “Awakening to the Wisdom they have Within.” Offer all compassion through guidance and a big welcome when they, too, realize that all we need is love. Love is all we ever needed now and forever amen.
Listen to the Voice of a Mystic. His madness may just resonate with the Divine in You!
The person who had the biggest impact on my life was my second wife, Wendy Wright Contos. She had a 157 IQ, but never once acted as if she was better than me. She easily got angry at injustices and would, on occasion, lash out against the hypocrisy of politicians, while helping the underprivileged and the rights of women in a male-dominated society.  Continue reading
Next, the sweet fragrance of roses mixed with just a slight tinge of oranges enticed my senses while meditating.
This followed the experience yesterday of missing keys mysteriously reappearing as I puzzled through my new life journey of “unnatural” awareness.
This morning, I jokingly referred to my 22-year-old son as my “stupid student” while traveling in the car, and something smacked me on the right side of my head, just slightly below the hairline. I looked up at the sun visor but knew I’d find nothing physical. I realized that some “non-ordinary” force had gently hit me ever so slightly.
I immediately referred to myself as stupid and told a series of self-deprecating jokes, making Nicholas feel better about himself. He chimed in a few of his own, showing me how much wisdom, he actually does have.
We discussed how difficult it is to “let go” of certain beliefs, even when we find ourselves beating our heads against a brick wall, when all we had to do was be open to a less rigid belief, thus enabling us to simply walk around the wall to get to where we want to go.
My second encounter with unseen forces was a more pleasant one. While meditating, I smelled the scent of flowers.

Nature can touch us if we open our hearts to her . . .
It arose during a guided meditation when I was wishing that everyone could be free from danger, while obtaining happiness and good health, while living a life of ease.
I realized that I had been smelling the scent more than a half a dozen times since the day before, and I had commented to my son about it. I hadn’t put the two things together until now.
The “hit upside the head” and the caress of my olfactory senses occurred after a set of keys disappeared and then — like magic — reappeared some 24 hours later. No, I don’t believe it was carried out by a ghost or a poltergeist. My house is not haunted. A Presbyterian priest once blessed it, warding off any evil beings or things, and I believe that blessing still holds.
I saw my keys vanish and then come back. I felt through the touch of my skin the slight pat on my head, and I smelled the lovely fragrance. It was the fragrance that got me thinking of holy things. You see, the Catholic Church calls it the “Odor of Sanctity,” or “Osmogenesia.” They generally refer to the odor that emanates from the bodies of holy people or a holy person’s remains. The duration is brief or persistent; the scent is sweet or floral, such as honey-like, roses, lilies, violets, or incense, according to Sharing Catholic Truth, a spiritual website. (See: Supernatural Scents)
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I thought of it after having visited the shrine of Saint Padre Pio outside of Pottstown, PA, where I once worked as a newspaper reporter. Padre Pio was reported to have exuded this “odor of sanctity” at a hotel room in Switzerland where the couple he was praying for were staying. In 1991, more than 10 years after his death, a man who underwent a quadruple bypass awoke from the anesthesia, and his right arm and leg were paralyzed.
He prayed to the saint, and after three fervent days of prayers, he noticed an overwhelming aroma of flowers. When the aroma faded, he felt a sensation in his right leg, and he knew at once Padre Pio had helped to answer his prayer.
Could a benign spirit reach out and touch someone nowadays? Why not? I believe we are spiritual beings occupying a human body. Angels really do exist. I wouldn’t mind being guided by one because I’d know for sure that I was on the right path.
And having one helluva good time while I’m at it!
I felt a lot of healing when I read the following quote from the feminine deity: Moor Jani:
“We all have the capacity to heal ourselves as well as facilitate the healing of others. When we get in touch with that infinite place within us where we are Whole, then illness can’t remain in the body. And because we’re all connected, there’s no reason why one person’s state of wellness can’t touch others. Elevating them and triggering their recovery. And when we heal others, we also heal ourselves and our planet.
There is no separation except in our own minds.”
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Healing is one of the topics for my newest project, a retelling of Jesus’ life as a carpenter’s apprentice at age 20 in the Land of Palestine. I wrote it in less than thirty days as part of a challenge by NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to complete a novel during the 30 days of November. I completed it today, November 30th, 2014.
The quote above is taken from a book by Anita Moorjani, from whom I just sent an e-mail telling how I used her words to explain the healing process that she described in “Dying to Be Me.” I thought it was appropriate to quote what I imagined a Hindu deity would say about healing. I named the deity Moor Jani. It is spoken by a Buddhist lama named Lobsang, who has taught the young man from Nazareth the secrets of healing through the Reiki process. (I hope to all that is holy that she’ll grant me permission to use her words)
I enjoyed writing this work of fiction.
It may take a while before I can edit it for a full viewing. I would love to send excerpts to anyone willing to offer a critique of the writing. Simply address me here at this site. Your e-mail will appear in my Gmail account, so there will be no breach of confidentiality. (You can even create a fictitious name to use, but please, do not use Donald Duck unless you’re prepared to quack about it.)
Here’s another taste of the manuscript. It’s from the Oracle of Delphi where Jesus and his Greek sidekick, the former slave Michael, have just gotten a prophecy delivered.
Michael stood with eyes wide open as the oracle looked him in the eyes. He blinked and had difficulty in keeping eye contact with her. She spoke two words that seemed to blend together. “Conto . . . Veros,” the young and beautiful woman continued. “You will speak the truth. You will be called the “Singer of Truth.
Conto-Veros. The words rang in his mind as Michael felt a chill and then a warmth overtake his very being. He rolled the words around in his mouth, trying to savor the feel of them. “Con . . . to . . . Ver . . . os,” he whispered to himself, slowly pronouncing each of the four syllables. He liked the sound of it. He liked the feel of it.
But what about “writing well” or “not writing at all“? What could that mean? Only time would tell and that was not to be revealed until many years later.
“All can heal and help facilitate the healing in others.” — Moorjani
And like Buddy Holly once said: “That’ll be the day . . . that I die.”
Stress is here to stay, my friend, and all we can do is to accept it and use skillful means to control it.
Meditation is one of those means. I’ve been applying it for some five years now. I get a little better at it every day. I simply “don’t try,” nor “judge.” It ain’t easy. It takes practice.

Stress controls me until I meditate and choose like-minded friends
——————
I can’t seem to let go sometimes; a thought crops up from somewhere. I really don’t know where it resides. I “see” the thought somewhere on a monitor screen in my mind, I guess.
And then it dissipates. It goes way, that is, as long as I don’t grasp onto it, believing it is the most profound thought I have ever had.
Or, a thought will scare the hell out of me. It may even prevent me from sitting any longer.
I start to believe that the world is going to hell in a handbasket unless I take action right then to prevent a near-certain disaster from occurring in the immediate future.
These thoughts never come true, you know. (They never will, but they still try to repeat on me!)
Worry causes much of my stress. Dwelling on the past does too. I have Post-Traumatic Stress. (That’s PTSD but without the D for “Disorder.”) I got it from serving in Vietnam a long time ago. Fear crops up. But when the perceived fear is gone, I can’t get back to normal. The “stressors“don’t let me. They don’t seem to go away, and they take a toll on my body.
My symptoms include irritability, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes, I overeat or drink alcohol. Neither works. I found the only thing that does work is meditating. I also try to stay in touch with like-minded people. People who won’t criticize me. People I can open to, and not be afraid of being vulnerable with. People who are spiritual but not necessarily religious, if you know what I mean.
They help me deal with stress by simply allowing me into their lives. I resonate with them. I take on their cares and worries and try to provide compassion by just listening. Really listening — from the heart and not the head. I don’t need to talk about my problems. Somehow, those problems disappear. They vanish when I focus on someone other than myself and freely give loving kindness.
Stress? You’re out of my life for those brief shining moments. Meditating and mingling with those I truly care for can do that to stress.
I don’t have to die to experience it!
Neither do you, my friend.
(The following is an excerpt from a book I wrote entitled
“St. Francis of Assisi, A Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty“)
Experiencing the Divine from Within Yourself
I found the truth hidden awayin the crevices of my mind, buried beneath what my religious teachers had told me in classes from age eight to fourteen. Yes, there is only one God, but he can only be experienced from within.
Let me try to explain [Lady Clare]. One need no more than to practice every day by opening oneself to the voice of God. You must be as patient as Job and not try to rush anything. It may take longer for some than for others. But when you experience His Presence, you’ll know without anyone having to tell you what has happened.
I learned this through the practices taught by the holy man Abu Hashim. He was a Jew who studied the Mystical Kabbalah while meditating like a Buddhist monk and converting to Islam as a Sufi worshiper. He showed me the path straight to the divine. He said we all want to be like those in the “State of Israel.” No, I’m not talking about a plot of land or a state that may once have been ruled by kings and judges from the Old Testament.
Meaning of “Israel” is Directly Focused on God
The word Israel simply means “Toward God, toward the Creator.” We want to be in a state of mind that is always directing us toward the Almighty. That’s what the angel with whom Jacob wrestled tried to explain to him. Being unable to defeat Jacob—and possibly put him to death—the angel said from that moment on, Jacob and his offspring would be known by the name of Israel. All who followed Jacob’s lead would be on the path to righteousness and justice.
Somehow, the word was bastardized and came to be used to refer to a homeland of sorts; people wanted desperately to belong to such a land, and they started to call themselves Israelites. It made no sense to anyone who knew the origin of the word, but only the highly spiritually evolved understood it and felt no harm would come by its new usage. Isaac the Blind, the great Kabbalah teacher who shared this knowledge with Abu Hashim, said one day, people of all the nations would learn of this and want to become known as those following the path of Israel.
It is for those following his direction that I am writing this, and I hope at least one in a thousand comes to understand my meager offerings.
That’s the key to a happy life, you know. Learning to serve others selflessly with no expectation of a reward other than the knowledge you are doing unto others something you’d want them to do . . . unto everyone else.
It’s a different version of the Golden Rule, which I always thought had some sort of tit for tat attached. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” is one of the versions I remember growing up in a Christian household. My father was Greek Orthodox, and my mother Catholic. Mom had her way; she was in cahoots with the parish priest, and my dad actually “did unto others” but never saw any of his sons “do unto him” by following the Orthodox path. Well, there are always the grandchildren, right nephews Joe, Michael, and Rocky, and let’s not forget Nick, as well as any we don’t know about who may have entered this country out of wedlock.
No, serving others is just like serving yourself. You want to end all the suffering in your own life, and the best way to start is to turn your focus away from your woes and zero in on all others, all the ones you might have the least bit of contact with or upon, and can do something, even the slightest thing to make them more comfortable, less tense, and feeling that at least one person out of 8 billion really does care.
I didn’t know it, until “awakening” during a three-day retreat in Ithaca, NY, when the veil of illusion was slowly removed from my eyes and I saw like a Mystic. It’s no big deal. I view things as I believe they should be, not the way they are. My goal in life is to try my best to get others to see things this way, the ideal reality, and not the conventional or illusory way.
Insight showed me that I have served others one way or another in most of my adult life. It showed in the jobs I held, the positions I sought to take for a “Right Livelihood;” the beliefs I adopted while discarding bits and pieces of what didn’t “feel right” or those I might not be ready to fully adopt at this moment.
I worked as a printer when I was 18 years old. I studied the trade while in high school, and learned what is called the “offset process.” It has to do with oil and water not mixing and how ink, an oil-based substance, would somehow adhere to another substance. I can’t tell you what waters got to do with it, but I think one washes away the other, and an image that had been burned into a metal plate “grasps” the ink while all mass around the image or “type” is washed away. What is conveyed to paper is what you see: Black Ink on a white background.
I was pretty good at developing negatives for burning images into plates. I could make a plate with just the right amount of muscle, rubbing the flat metal not to tire myself out. When the plate was completed, my job ended. The plate would be sent to a “pressman” (or woman) who’d adjust it into the large printing presses and run off a couple of hundred thousand copies of something or other. (Actually, I think plates at that time were only good for tens of thousands of copies, but who’s counting?)
Someone was expected to read the printed matter. A copywriter created a series of words and graphic arts to draw the attention of a reader. (I worked as a copy-writer for a short time and I know I tried to “serve” the consuming public who’d be choosing between one product and another for an acquisition. I also “served” my boss in providing him with the best job I could.)
(This is an excerpt from the first book I wrote, still unpublished, called “Ithaca Incites Mystical Insights.”)
Printing has always been a two-way street in my book. You engage in one effort for the benefit of another. Take the patron saint of the printing press, a German fellow named Gutenberg. If it weren’t for him, the Christian bible would never have been distributed so widely, thereby helping all people. (Actually, Western Civilization only. The East was doing pretty well without having to suffer through such growing pains as the “Dark Ages.”)
I provided a service, and I felt fulfilled in doing my small part.

Ithaca insights incite a Mystic to write inspirational illogical idioms!
It is truly “better to give, and not receive,” particularly when it costs so little to bring about such great joy in anther’s life. That joy starts out as a tiny smile that barely breaks through into a smile until the truly needy accepts the small offering and whispers a thank you. Even if you give anonymously as most of us do, we can use our imaginations to “visualize” the reception our gift is greeted with. Sneakers will fit and the poor can give away or throw out the ones filled with holes. That little dress will look great on my 6-year-old; Tommy can play catch with the baseball (or glove); we can have heat in our apartment for another month.
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Dream of Writing a Book about to Come True
As I stand on the precipice of my literary journey, the dream of writing a book feels closer than ever. The countless hours spent brainstorming ideas, developing characters, and crafting intricate plots have finally begun to take shape. I can see the pages of my story unfolding before me, each chapter brimming with potential and passion.
This transformative experience has ignited a fire within me, motivating me to pour my emotions and experiences onto the page. Friends and family, too, have become my pillars of support, encouraging me to embrace my creativity and share my unique voice with the world. With every word I write, the reality of my dream comes into focus, and I am filled with anticipation for the moment when my book will finally be in the hands of eager readers, ready to explore the world I have created.
I am about to become an Author!
Well, a “Published Author” that is.
I just learned that my book about Francis of Assisi, a historic novel, will be available at Amazon sometime in the next two months, September and October (2014). Writing it was a true labor of love. I mixed in Catholicism with Sufism and lots of Buddhism. I also introduced Francis, aka Giovanni di Bernadone, his real name by the way, to the Wisdom of Kabbalah and a belief in what I call “angel therapy.”
For all my legal friends not yet indicted or spending time in jail, I threw in the Rule against Perpetuity. Don’t ask me what it means. I never quite understood it in law school, but it sounded so good, I created a way for Clare, Francis’s female sidekick and saint-in-training, to use the legal maneuvering to keep his first-person manuscript hidden from public view until a fellow discovered it in a castle of some small Greek island.
Michael J Contos, writing under his father’s name, “Contoveros,” discovered the manuscript and brought it to the attention of the world.
You can read the excerpt from St. Clare’s preface here:
Francis of Assisi, written in his own words
Enjoy!
Oh yeah . . . The name of the book is “Francis of Assisi, a Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty.”
Though many books have been written about Saint Francis of Assisi, none have put him in such a human light as this novel. Francis of Assisi, while taking a few liberties along the way, tells the story of Saint Francis’s journey through darkness and war and into the light. Readers learn about the struggles Saint Francis must overcome, and about his trials with his father and with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Contoveros creates for us a Saint Francis who is entirely tangible but inspirational on a spiritual level. From the very beginning, we are fighting for the patron saint of animals and small critters. We are there to experience the vision of “Lady Poverty” alongside him, and by the novel’s end, we understand him and his vision more fully.
Facing death, St Francis of Assisi recalls his flight from his father’s oppression and how he dreamed of becoming a warrior only to be thrown from his horse in battle and witness a mass slaughter before being taken captive and falsely imprisoned in a dungeon. Because of this, he suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a malady he struggles with all of his life to overcome.
Upon his release from prison, Lady Poverty appears in a vision to the young “King of the Revelers,” inspiring him to change his life and embark on a journey that leads to a spiritual awakening still sought after today.
As a Vietnam War veteran, Contoveros seems to have an innate understanding of some of the struggles Saint Francis of Assisi faced roughly eight hundred years ago. Both Contoveros and his hero suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of war. Later, both sought forms of spiritual awakening.
An inactive attorney, Contoveros has a master’s degree in history. In preparation for writing A Novel Awakening to Lady Poverty, he researched the thirteenth century and read multiple accounts of Saint Francis of Assisi to piece together the character formed in this novel.
Raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but a student of Buddhism, the Sufi, and Kabbalah, Contoveros now sees spirituality in a new light. He is an admirer of Siddhartha and, like many others, a seeker of answers in this troubled world.
As I struggle to come up with a satisfactory answer for this question, let me focus instead on what Deepak had quoted William Blake as saying in reference to wisdom. Wisdom is “organized innocence.” What a concept! In order to have or to cultivate wisdom, I know that I must be in awe of something; I must see that thing with wonder, with the eyes of an innocent child.
It is only when I perceive it this way, that is, when I use what Zen Buddhists call my “beginner’s mind,” that I see the true writing on a wall I offered up for its clean slate to be imprinted upon.
Wisdom is not something confined to those growing old. Nor is it only for the professor-types in ivory towers, although we can revere what many tell us because of the learning they achieved and can pass on to us. No, wisdom is something that – I believe – we’re born with . . . We have it inside of us, and one of the few ways that we can tap into it is through meditation.
In other words, I don’t have to have lots of experiences to be wise. I need only to experience things from within and be able to see things from the child’s point of view. Then I can feel the richness in witnessing.
Now, what was that question that I just dodged?
“Write about a time that you spontaneously said the right thing at the right time to someone. What did that communication feel like for you?”
I told a young woman, Rita, that our relationship would have to come to an end, and that we had to enjoy it while we were together. We were both married at the time. I’m not proud of it, but we had an affair. I was twenty-three and she was twenty-one or twenty-two. We came together as troubles had developed in both of our relationships at our separate homes.
We had fun and we grew, sharing ourselves in a way that we couldn’t with our spouses at that time. We both got divorces. She is much quicker than me. That angered her. I guess she felt that I should have joined her upon her break-up with her husband. I did not, for I was Catholic, and I knew instinctively that I would not.
That’s what I meant when I said our relationship was impermanent and that it would not last. Nothing does.
———–
I guess another time that this occurred was more recently, but it feels like several lifetimes ago. I had predicted to a young woman whom I had fallen in love with that we would only be together for six months. I actually told her in June that we could learn from each other and then finish what we needed to do by December.
That’s exactly what happened too! But this time, I was the one who didn’t want to pay attention to my own advice. I wanted permanence. I wanted to cling to the relationship, to hold onto something that had already ended, but I couldn’t and didn’t want to see that my earlier premonition was correct.
In each case, I was prophetic with the wisdom.
Achieving wisdom and following it, however, are two things I have learned that don’t necessarily come together all the time . . .
What are your passions in life? List five areas and describe what quality of energy and joy that passion brings out in you. – –Deepak and Oprah Meditation Experience
Writing is my number one passion.
“Loving people” is another, if you can include such an activity as a passion.
Getting people to laugh and feel good about themselves is a third passion that I enjoy.
Seeking and trying to understand another form of spirituality is a fourth passion, one I’d love to do any hour of the day or night. I guess you could say I’m becoming more passionate about combining all of them into one big passion, one I’d apply to life as long as I could.  Continue reading
(Question 2 on Hope)
You may also have experienced this kind of hope, (See https://contoveros.wordpress.com/?p=12505&preview=true) but not thought of it in those terms. Think of a time when you felt sure you were going to attain a lofty goal, even though the path to the goal was not apparent. That is the hope that comes from your being. Describe this feeling of certainty in your journal. – Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience (Feeling Hope) I was a buck private in training as a soldier in Fort Dix, NJ, when I had a vision, or what Zen Buddhists call a “satori” or moment of clarity of what I needed to do with my life.
I was a buck private in training as a soldier in Fort Dix, NJ, when I had a vision, or what Zen Buddhists call a “satori” or moment of clarity of what I needed to do with my life.
I needed and wanted to write a book.
Not just any book, but one where I was the hero. Well, hero may not be the right word. In the book, I was to be the center of attention, while everything I’d write about would involve me and things that I had some sort of contact with. I used the model of the Bible as a guide.
I figured that the greatest book that there ever was should be the map and framework for my book. I’d be just like Christ, but not face crucifixion or circumcision. There was a driving force behind this idea. The idea stayed with me from the moment I was nineteen years old until I finished working for a living and found the leisure time to write about what I had discovered over the years.
I didn’t know that I would write a book when I started dabbling with a Blog. I started writing on WordPress the same month that Uncle Dom had died in 2009, and I guess I haven’t stopped since then. The blog became my way of expressing what I was seeing around me and what was happening to influence me. I learned that most of what I was learning was something I already knew, but had forgotten.
I think that much of spiritual knowledge is like that. We don’t get our “smarts” from someone or some book out there. We get it from inside, where true wisdom, love, and hope reside. It takes some of us a lifetime, however, to realize that. All we needed to do was to become as silent as Dominick, smile, and hope to visit that wise child inside who has never left us. The child becomes the guide and offers us the inspiration to set goals and to eventually achieve them.
You’re reading this right now, and that goes to show you that I achieved another step toward my goal. You can do it once you identify your goal and stick to it as if your life depended on it.
Your spiritual life will depend on it for you to follow through for your salvation.
Despite always having a smile on my lips and a laugh at my tongue, I found it hard to think of anything to write about for the latest meditation round for Oprah and Deepak. That is, until I picked up my son at work this evening and we joked and laughed until I almost did you know what in my pants. It hurt so much that I started crying, that’s how good it was and how great it felt to just let it all come out in front of one of his 22-year-old buddies and our 25-year-old female traveling companion.
I had a dream with a wonderful happy ending just a few minutes ago. It woke me, and I made a cup of coffee, brushed my teeth, and began writing while the memory was still fresh on my mind.
I dreamed about my dog named Willie.
I was walking with him, as well as my old office mate from the Defender Association of Philadelphia, when Willie broke away from us, crossed the street, and joined in a chase of something that a pack of dogs was following at the Philadelphia Art Museum. You know, the one that Rocky Balboa ran up the steps before raising both arms in victory motion in the movie.
I called to him several times, but he was too busy enjoying the chase as I saw him run up one hill and down the other. Boy, was he having fun.
But I knew there could be trouble with any traffic should he decide to cross the street or follow the dogs should they chase after the prey they were seeking. I whistled my special whistle but got nada in return.
I couldn’t wait. My office mate and I had to catch a bus. I guess we were going to work near City Hall in downtown Philadelphia.
In any case, we had gotten on a bus, and I immediately felt pangs of guilt. I also saw Willie running with the dogs in the distance, and I waited until I got the bus driver’s attention and asked him to please stop.
My office mate chided me.
“You never had a dog,” I said to her. “You never experienced true love,” I added, not really knowing what I meant by that, but feeling it kind of meant something like “unconditional love,” the type I got from my dog, Willie.
This was not the first dream I had of him. He appears regularly in my dreams. He’s never on a leash and always seems to be having a great time.
This time, however, I felt I couldn’t rest without “getting him back.”
I got off the bus and somehow got transported to the back of an open dump truck that belonged to one of my brothers, Johnny. There were a few items in the bed of the truck, including a rifle, which I grabbed before leaving on my quest to get Willie.
I had no idea where the bus driver had left me off at. It was somewhere in Philly, but I wasn’t familiar with South Philadelphia and none of the places I saw seemed as if they belonged. Hey, this was a dream, after all!
(Note: This is an excerpt from a book entitled; “Contoveros Sings the Brewerytown Blues” scheduled for publication in late 2015 or early 2016)
I began walking a straight line in the direction back to the art museum. In order to do that, I had to walk into and through houses and offices. I’d say hello and pretend that I worked at the places I breezed through. I had taken no notice of the rifle I was carrying, and neither had anyone else.
Too soon, I found my way blocked. I then climbed a roof hoping to get over one of the buildings, but couldn’t get any further, and I was forced to retreat to where I had just climbed from. All I kept thinking was what someone would say to the police upon seeing my little Greek butt.
“Man on a roof with a rifle.”
The next thing I knew, I was inside a factory laboratory. Two men were walking in the same direction away from me, and I called out to them. The one fellow turned out to be a really Good Samaritan, agreeing to take me to his house and help me on my search for Willie.
Oh, by the way. Before I had left the bus, the bus driver pulled out a sheet and began writing answers to questions he posed to me about Willie, should someone with SEPTA, the regional transit company. I told him the dog would eat about anything and, yes, he was partial to biscuits!
My newly found friend and I were joined by a few others in his house, and we made our way out. We had to pass through one of two gates to get to the street. One gate had been guarded by a fellow who was looking the other way when we departed, safely reaching the street and the avenue outside the compound.
Once there, we had been walking up the street for a few minutes when one of the members of our group started to shout and point. I had no idea what he was referring to until I noticed a small black and white critter come racing in our direction, making a beeline right towards me.
Willie had found me. He was never lost. Neither was I.
And of course, we lived happily ever after!
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“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.“
— Josh Billings
Fuzzy was a Fuzz Ball that wanted to give love to whoever he met. It all started when he felt a point in the heart materialize, and a wish to bestow came over him.
He’d give love here, there, just about everywhere, every day to everybody he came into contact with. After all, he had thousands of tiny fuzz balls to give away. He’d pluck ‘em from his round little body and pass them on, trying to ease pain here, create a smile there. Continue reading
I just finished writing 73,000 words about Francesco, the young man from Assisi who overcame post-traumatic stress from battles, as well as a year-long imprisonment, before being ransomed by his rich mercantile father. Continue reading
Him: God, I miss being in love. I guess I could say I miss you.
You helped me tap into the feelings I usually only get with Shekinah, what the Kabbalah says is the feminine side of the divine. She’ll always be with me, and I see now you simply took her place for a little while here on Earth. Love is still there, but only redirected now.
Thanks. Continue reading
I’ve been away from you for less than 4 hours, and I can’t stand it. I miss you.
What has come over me? I get so lonely when I’m not with you, and feel such a shallow emptiness. You are so filling that I don’t really take notice of your presence until your presence is gone. My tank runs out of gas, it voids itself of all energy, and the only thing I have left to get me through is the memory of the two of us together and how we will reunite tomorrow.
But tomorrow is so long away. I don’t think I’ll make it through the night after having spent the last three days in the sunshine and in the rain, marching to the beat of our own reality, our own world created with the mingling of our breath, our souls, our mutual loving touches.
Let me rest. That’s all I can do. Rest up and hope the hours go by so swiftly. Think of me when you get a moment. Please keep me in your mind’s eye when you see something that might remind you of our time together and the joy that we helped to manifest in each other.
Let these poor, insignificant words of my heartfelt yearning find you happy and content while away from me and remind you of your conquest, your victory, your winning of my heart.
You had my heart the moment you tapped me on the shoulder in the Temple of Love and asked where we could find Enlightenment. You my dear, provided the light to shine through my soul’s darkness and to remind me of a life of purpose and meaning by simply being able to love unconditionally once again.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
A friend of mine is “into” Angels. “Suspend your disbelief,” he told me, explaining how belief in angels re-materialized into his life recently. I knew at that moment that the resistance he had spoken of was puffing out its chest and stepping between me and the computer screen where his words appeared.
(Written by Melanie Kriebel)
The Maiden of Athena to the Foolish Knight:
Is this not, yet another spiritual practice for you?
For me too.
The Maiden: I felt quite empty for the last few days, as if I was waiting for something to fill me up, elevate me to a passionate state. I can’t say that I’ve ever felt like this for a prolonged amount of time…I’m wondering what’s coming next.
The Foolish Knight: You ask, “What’s next”?
I don’t know. I, too, feel empty. I want to end my activities and just stay inside myself. I hurt. And, I know why I hurt. It stems from a desire I have that is overcoming all of my waking hours. I escape by disciplining myself to think of nothing. You see, my mind is creating thoughts that seem to ruin my well-being. It’s taking away most of the happiness I have discovered on this path.
I feel tortured. And, I know that I am torturing myself.
God, why does love hurt so much? I wanted it so badly and prayed for it, and the Almighty granted my wish. It had been so long since I felt such bliss and joy. I found it outside of myself and in another, but I should have known that it had been hidden within me all the time. But, like a fool who can understand love from an intellectual, book-learning experience, I cannot, for the life of me, understand it from where it counts the most, my heart, and from my soul.
This is a destructive love I experience. I long to be in the presence of love, and I count the hours before we commingle and commune. But a sliver of doubt has developed.
A toxic, invisible ether has begun to envelop me. I evaded it as much as I could, but its poison seeped into my mind, creating a fear of losing the love. It frightened me. Here I am, professing to be a spiritual warrior who can’t even protect against the smallest of negative thoughts, negative thinking, negative fixations.
And that is what has gotten me in its grasp. A negative fixation that no love can ever really last. Once you grow comfortable with Love’s security, the blanket covering you seems to shrink. At least that’s the way I felt the past few horrible days.
I ask you, “What good is love if you always need a reassurance of that love”? Can a person not only feel love, but come to know it will always “be there?” That the love will not fade or get directed elsewhere by the whim of someone other’s looks, charm, or witty take on the true meaning of life and death?
I want to give it up. Here, take away this love. Take away the anguish my doubts cause me. I want the peace and calm I dreamt love would provide, not the turbulent and stormy nightmare a sick and love-starved child like me conjures out of seemingly nothing.
What’s next? I really don’t know. Know someone good at performing a lobotomy?
(For the Maiden of Athena’s Wise Response, See:
Am I among the “Chosen?” Will I be one of those who make the “cutoff” at the end when the proverbial bill finally gets to be paid?
I don’t know. If you had asked me some five years ago, I’d tell you to hit the road, Jack. I’m not into any of that Doomsday Stuff. The so-called “Chosen People” were the Jews, right? Look what happened to them.
And don’t the Jehovah’s Witnesses folks believe that a couple of hundred thousand of them will disappear from the earth at the time of the Rapture? And what about some old-fashioned Presbyterians? Didn’t Calvin or one of their leaders claim to be among the chosen few?
I’d tell you that this is the stuff that kooks dream up for superstitious old ladies and men who have nothing better to do than face their own mortality, hoping they could miraculously get to Heaven if they just turned their lives around in the last years of their lives. They’ll believe in anything or anyone that could offer them salvation with a money-back guarantee!
But something happened to me. I felt like I got hit upside the head with a spiritual sledgehammer from some animated cartoon. I heard a voice ask me if I was ‘squandering away my life,” and it scared the hell out of me. I looked at the world around me and saw that nothing had “staying power.” I’d have fun and get my kicks from the old standbys: wine, women, and songs.
But they held no meaning anymore. I’d drunk too much wine, my wife fell down the steps and suffered a traumatic brain injury, leaving me nothing but sad songs of days gone by to sing about. I hit bottom and found there was nothing on this planet that could inspire me to get my butt off the ground, and my head outta my butt.
I got the call. I got the spiritual call. And, more importantly, I answered that call. And, I’ve been seeking answers ever since, sharing some tidbits of crazy wisdom with people I feel might be of like mind and what I call a “what-the-hell-do-I-have-to-lose” desperation.
If you’ve read this far, you might be one of ‘em. The Chosen, that is. You don’t think you got to this point in your life on your own, do you? You were knocked to the ground on purpose. You were forced to “Call on a Resource” you thought had given up on your wretched personhood. You could either sink into major depression, drugs, and/or the negative lifestyle you had led, or let go.
You let go, didn’t you? Just as I had to, with no assurance that tomorrow would be any more secure or stable as today had turned out to be.
I had learned to take a step without moving my foot, as Rumi once suggested. I could only do it by completely surrendering my old self, the ego-self that controlled my life and got me on a bridge to nowhere with no guide to help navigate away from that dead-end.
It was in the process of “letting go” that I discovered a path similar to the one you’re walking. We could never have reached this point without first humbling ourselves and admitting we needed help. We needed something the world couldn’t provide, and so we looked beyond this world. We’d be ridiculed, barely tolerated, and our sanity questioned as even well-intentioned family and friends would whisper about our loved one finally going off the deep end.
I removed myself from a reality that focuses only on the material, that judges you only by your successes and the riches you’ve acquired, the medals you gained, the reputation you so carefully strove to keep up. None of this meant anything anymore. I wanted the freedom to simply “BE.”
I needed the Divine in, and of, the Cosmos to become my dearest lover, my comforting parent, my faithful friend. I found all of these – this trinity of engaging partners – through a sincere and contrite prayer, and the trust that the prayer would be answered. That you and I could grow into our purpose for, and in, life by giving up our will for the Will of God; by becoming corrected as prayed for by Kabbalists; by celebrating like a laughing Buddhist monk when he realizes Karma has finally ripened for him to always act in his Buddha nature.
I got picked to play on a team that can’t lose. What are you waiting for? You can join me by simply leaving your “self” outside the playground. You’ve been chosen! Now, help others you know who could practice with us in this game.
I wanted so much to write about your soft, careful touch on my arms and my hands. How you slide your fingers ever so meticulously over the outer parts of me, teasing a sensation to come forth, to grow from the inside out, knowing all along your touch is the Touch of Love.
Your touch is the touch of a mother on baby’s soft back side, the comforting touch of her when the child later stumbles and cuts his or her knee, the firm touch to the face and chin directing that child’s head toward your loving eyes and stern expression, while saying, “Listen: You are good, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”
Now.
Not in some future, but this very moment as I recall it in all its sweetness.
I recall the past touch as if it just occurred and did not actually happen some time ago.
It is one long present moment that I think of when I recall this touch of yours.
It makes me want to use my appendage to humbly try to bring a small pleasure to you, my beautiful child. “My Dearest One.”
May I call you that? “Dearest!” “My Dearest.” You are so dear to me, the dearest. For you are the closest to my heart than anyone, save the Creator who brought you into my presence, into my arms, and into my very being!
When I touch you, I want you to feel love over every inch I hope to slowly move the fingertips, praying that I too can awaken in you the softer side of love and caring.
Trust me.
Please believe me You can trust again. I won’t hurt you. Not in this moment.
I will not harm you. For, I am Love. You are Love. We are love together. And in the name of all love that has ever been and ever will be you know that I am yours and you’re mine right now.
It’s a Divine Possession we share, formed from an internal pure and clear light of understanding and wisdom. And joy, let’s not forget the bliss of joy that sets us apart from any and all other attractions by something less divine than the perpetual, primordial, infinite love of the Universe.
It is a Divine Love that we tap into when we give all of ourselves so that the other person might live in love.
It is pure, unselfish. It is what Soul Mates are made of and from. And, it started with the first magical, mystical touch!
When you touch that part of me that has never been touched, a dormant thing erupts.
I am observing this thing for the first time.
Did it exist inside of me or did you put it there when I wasn’t looking?
When I noticed it, it hid behind my ear. I tried to find it, put a name to it, and store it in a folder where everything is orderly and safe. It wouldn’t go.
It was quick like a fox, creeping down my left arm while I examined my right, hiding under my knee when I thought I felt it brush the side of my face.
I am barren without it, yet all the happier to have seen it, if only for such a brief time not long enough even to know what to call it.
— Melanie Kriebel 2013
Sometimes the only way for me to understand something is to try to put it into my own words. Particularly, if I want to memorize or “imprint” something so that I can keep it near and dear to me, like an inspirational poem or saying I still remember from my earliest days.
And so, thanks to the kindness of WordPress, I will use my meager intellect to place into words something my heart has tried to understand and permit to grow from one lifetime to another. It is the Four Truths that can enable those noble among us to overcome what is wrong in our lives, and we can set things right.
The First is the basic truth that there is much of life that is plainly unsatisfactory.
I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I sometimes feel an uncomfortableness, an irritation that goes away temporarily, but returns too soon, too often. Some people call it “suffering.” They say, “There is suffering.”
Wise men and women thousands of years ago called the suffering “Dukkha,” a Sanskrit word which roughly means “unsatisfactory,” or better yet, “incapable of satisfying.” I liken its meaning to the old Rolling Stones song of the 1960s, with the words by Mick Jagger screaming his truth to the world:
Suffering and dukkha can be understood.
Once I achieve this, I can say I understand suffering and dukkha.
The Second Truth is that there is a Cause for this dukkha, and that is attachment to desires.
Desires in and of themselves are all right. It’s my clinging to them at all costs that causes the harm, the dissatisfaction, or suffering. Desires can be let go of. When this happens, I can say I have let go of desires.
The Third Noble Truth is that there can be a “cessation” of suffering or feeling unsatisfied.
This cessation can be realized. Once I have experienced this cessation, I can say that I have fully realized it.
That leads me to the Fourth Noble Truth, and that is that suffering and its cause can end if I follow a certain path.
That path is called the “Middle Way” between the extremes of pain and pleasure. I can aspire to follow 8 guidelines, called by some sages as the “Eight-Fold Path.” The first two “practices” call for wisdom, while the next three deal with a form of morality, and the third group, concentration.
I can develop wisdom through understanding, the right understanding of the way things are, and not the way my unenlightened mind usually sees them. It helps me to always have the right attitude, or right intention toward things, events, and what scientists call phenomena.
As far as morality goes, I should simply have “Right Speech,” “Right Action,” and “Right Livelihood.” Don’t curse too much, don’t slander anyone, don’t lie or gossip. Act upon the maxim that whatever you do in life, you are approving everyone else to do, according to Emmanuel Kant, one of my favorite philosophers, I recall from my college days. It’s the same action that Jesus said: “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.”
And right livelihood means that I should be careful in choosing a career that doesn’t involve gun-running, moonshining, or trading nuclear secrets to terrorists. Don’t work in a field that could endanger or kill some being, man or beast.
The next three deal with the focus and reflection of life, and how we can enable the noble truths to act within us and to us.
All will help uncover insight from within. You can use whatever words you like or feel comfortable with.
Use mine if they help. I got them from others whose purpose in life was, and still is, to help bring a certain enlightenment to everybody while we are here, just being the loving kindness and compassion we want for everybody.
It took several hours for the effects of the Sweat Lodge ceremony to kick in, but when it did, I realized the control I always thought I needed was not in my hands, but in what the Greeks called the Fates; the Christians, God; and the Buddhists, Karma.
A Divine source, referred to by some as the “Force,” the Divine Feminine, the Creator, has dealt a hand to play with our own free will. We get to choose which cards to keep and the ones to discard. By standing pat or by seeking new ones to “change our luck” or to improve our hand, we cast our lot to the future. None of us expects to lose or to face tragedy or a financial crisis. We hope for improvement, to enrich ourselves through our card-playing skills and years of studying the game of life.
In the end, the winner is not necessarily the one who drew the highest hand – a royal straight flush versus a pair of kings and deuces. It is the player that can place the bet, and deal with the loss or win with equanimity, that emerges the victor. There is no win, there is no loss. There is just an awareness of the game and how to view it from a state of grace, the right frame of mind, the right attitude. All disappointments arise and end.
All roller-coaster thrills must end. In understanding that everything that comes into my existence must someday leave, I can live with its impermanent nature more easily. Treat it the same whether it is good or bad, foul or fresh, holy or unholy. The moment of pleasure and the moment of dissatisfaction will pass. Each will arise and reach its crescendo of joy or sadness, and then each will fall, dissipating and returning from whence it came, leaving naught but a memory we can choose to relive or to drop if similar conditions arise to trigger its recall later.
None of this was clear when the sweat poured out of me as 10 men and women crawled on hands and knees into the Sweat Lodge outside of Pottstown, PA. We took part in a ceremony honoring the “Great Spirit,” while offering prayers to the four corners of the earth and beyond. We sweated as the lodge leader spread bits of sage, tobacco, and other herbs onto the red-hot coals, causing an eruption of tiny flames that shot upwards and out of the stones but remained safely in a pit dug earlier to contain a total of some 15 hot, glowing rocks.
Each one had been baked in a much bigger pit built a slight distance outside of the lodge, where a stone-bearer had been heating them over a slow-burning fire for several hours. Two to four rocks were requested for each “sweat,” or prayerful focus in a given direction. We offered three prayers each for the West, the South, and the North.
Then just as the sweat seemed to be unbearable for the likes of me, the number of prayers for the East increased to five, six, seven, eight, and beyond . . . I lowered my head to the floor of the lodge, taking in the cooler air and praying a silent prayer that all the prayers would stop so that I could get the hell out of there!
The prayers did stop, and we offered a blanket thanksgiving for all. I believe, however, that my silent prayer even helped to cleanse and purify me, removing and burning away the hellish traces of lower, base nature.
Hours later, I revolted against a group of Born-Again Christians. All of them were what I called “lily whites.” The men wore handsomely tailored suits, and the women gorgeous dresses with just the right amount of jewelry. All appeared with the greatest tans that money and lots of free time at the beach could offer.
“I don’t belong here,” I cried to my partner in crime, Melanie, a young Hispanic woman whose mother was raised in Colombia and passed on the natural shade of tan we ethnic types have acquired — her from South America, and me from the southern European countries like my father’s Greek homeland. She had left the sweat lodge and agreed to go with me on this next leg of my spiritual journey
“They’re too white for me,” I said, pointing at their pale faces, their blonde heads, and the white hairs of their elderly wise ones. “I haven’t seen one Black,” I added. “We’re their token brown-skinned people.” Eventually, she helped me to overcome my resistance, and we entered the church even though Melanie was still a little wet from swimming in the pool after the sweat and unable to change out of the bra and other underthings that had gotten soaked!
There we were. Two “Recovering” Catholics, walking into the Valley Forge Baptist Church to take in the solo performance of the daughter of dear retired friends I had made while breakfasting at an IKEA restaurant in Conshohocken. They waved to us, and Melanie and I parted the sea of white folks and sat in a pew behind the proud parents. Their daughter played divinely, and despite an apparent ban against applauding in such a refined church of God, the audience cheered her and I whistled as loudly as the most boisterous fan at a Phillies/Mets game.
A wonderful choir next offered every one the Sound of Angels. That was followed by a group of teens who had recently attended a church-sponsored camp in North Carolina who explained to the thousands of congregational members how Christ had entered into their lives and changed them forever. Each boy reminded me of a miniature “preacher-in-training” with the fervor of zealot for God, while the girls talked of the gentler side of a divine forgiveness, unconditional love, and spiritual camaraderie. Then Satan raised his ugly head.
No, Lucifer made no appearance, although one of the adult preachers brought up his name while chastising the youth for listening to the foulest of foul music provided in the world today. He asked for money to develop Christian music as an alternative to evil sounds my generation had been warned against when Ed Sullivan chose not to show Elvis Presley’s lower parts on national television and “race songs” — those performed by Black artists and Doo Wop groups years ago got banned in Boston.
I couldn’t wait to escape, bid farewell to the lovely white-haired couple who invited us, and put a distance between them and my sinful self. It was while I was drinking water in my car and reflecting on the day’s events that divine insight struck me like the proverbial bolt of lightning.
God and the Divine Spirit of the Cosmos are the same one we all talk about, but we use different languages to praise and worship. He or she is the clear light, the Buddha Nature existing in all that we can tap into when we want to live a life that Jesus lived, or that Mohammed said was possible if we but give up our will and let a more powerful Will control the major part of our lives. Yes, we still have free choice, free will.
But we know where our internal moral compass is directing us to go. It tells us what is good or bad at the moment and that all we need do is seek the stillness and silence where a “Shekinah” — what the Hebrew language calls the “Feminine Side of God” — dwells. She is always available to guide us. Seek her out, this great spirit, this energy, this Great Vibration, and give up all resistance.
You’ll find out you can do it with no sweat, and with no loss of anything God hadn’t planned for your personal purpose in life.
Deborah loved with a love that was more than a love. Cupid’s arrow struck her just as a choir of angels sang and a special cherub played the most beautiful music in all the land over an ancient lyre, the same instrument that a shepherd boy named David once played to honor the God of the Psalms. 
She loved Fran with all her heart, her mind, and her soul. And she wanted to shout it out to the whole world that there was a love that would never end, never grow old, never die. She needn’t say a word, however. Her devotion and adoring demeanor spoke volumes to those of us meeting the lucky couple for the first time in Philadelphia, my City of Brotherly Love, on Friday night, the summer solstice.
Love shone all around Deborah when she spoke of Fran, and a well-disguised, shy girl from within her nearly blushed as her lover looked deep into her eyes to acknowledge an almost palpable affection. Light from a thousand stars sparkled from their mutual smile, their caressing eyes, their in-tune and synchronized hearts, which seemed to beat as one.
Taking her hand, Fran walked alongside this beauty of a woman, offering a silent prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving step by step through the long summer night, the longest night of the couple’s young lives. Too soon, they disappeared from view, leaving behind just a memory and an image of what any one of us would give a million dollars to have: the unconditional love of another human being, another man, another woman, even for but one moment of a gay, rich life.
Here’s to Deborah and Francesca. Two women in love. True Love among true lovers, if you have ever seen it in this or any other lifetime!
* * * *
They were a sight to see and to glorify when you need to recall what love could be, and is, all about. The purest emotion God created for His creatures to share with Him and with one another, sans color, creed, national origin, or sexual orientation. Love has always been color-blind and gender-neutral for the young and old, the sick and the well, the poor and the not-so-poor; even for a 64-year-old whose soul mate just turns out to be a 21-year-old.
Love has triumphed in our world. It’s exploded into space, signally all the many universes that Planet Earth will allow all love to flourish from whatever source or sex it manifests.
Today, I am Gay. Today, all of us are as Gay as we would like to be or not to be. That is the question the US Supreme Court answered in a shout to the entire world that all who love will never be prosecuted or persecuted for whom they choose to fall in love.
I feel elated and so happy for those who have hidden themselves for far too long. We, society, could not see until now that love is not confined to procreation. It can’t be regulated and legalized only to those wearing opposite types of clothes or having genital differences. Love arises in all of God’s children, no matter how dissimilar one person might be to you or to me.
————-
Fall for anyone you like. Fall in love again with someone you don’t even like but stay together for the sake of the children. It’s legal. It’s holy. It’s fun!
It’s as gay as gay can be, and it’s all free for you to be or not to be.
O Grand Master, it is your females that will save this species. It is through their power, their innate abilities, that man will be saved. Compassion and love must rule the day again. And power must be crushed by the mallet of humility before any dare sends another child into war that old men dream of winning as if playing games of adolescent ruffians. 
Ouch! Give up my manhood? Turn in my boxing gloves, my rifle, my drink? What will I become when I grow up? Who will I protect, gather food for, “sexualize” in thoughts actions and deeds my every waking minute?
You will bow and respect for evermore your Divine Mother forevermore. I will take your life away as quickly and as surely as I have given it to you. Obey this: Be Still and Know that I Am God.
I need your strength to build, not tear down; to give hope and not despair; to “fight” without lifting a fist but by raising your spirit so mightily it will dash to pieces the most formidable enemy your kind has ever faced.
————-
Shed tears not for fallen comrades but for the joy in conquering obscurations you never thought could be overcome.
March proudly waving flags of festive, holiday colors to announce a new day is here, and that you will never return to the days of old guts and glory.
You will thrive only when realizing that skillful means discerned with honest and gentle wisdom must be employed in all human endeavors.
Love, tolerate, and above all, learn patience as the antidote to all the poisons your kind has been exposed to. Do it now. Tomorrow may be too late.
I will spare man, but only if he spares the feminine within himself.
Why write of an experience, when you can experience it?
There’ll be time enough for writing when the chapter ends and a new one begins at the stroke of the pen.
Live now.
Live in the present.
Love now.
Love in the presence . . .
Write with the love you become tomorrow.
What is a monk to do when he is lonely? When he is blue?
When you reach that low point where you feel you are the loneliest person in the world, who or what do you turn to for relieve? 
The Dalai Lama says, “Don’t scratch the itch.” Better still, he cautions, “Don’t have the itch in the first place.” I paraphrase His Holiness‘ words, but not their meaning. * Don’t have the itch in the first place.
That may be easy for a virgin entering monastic life as an adolescent. But what do you tell a grown man or woman who had not entered their spiritual path until experiencing the warmth, comfort and love in the arms of truly caring and compassionate mate?
Something so good could not be so bad.
Even years later when one has only a dim memory of giving oneself completely to another so that both could share the ecstasy that Buddhist say comes only upon death — and in sexual union! It can be an out-of-body experience that unites, shattering the dualistic mind, if only for a second or for a lifetime.
Should I give up this yearning for the mere touch of another? Should I mark it up as just another depravity on my part, a defilement that my mind causes in my dreams and my waking hours?
Why has such an overwhelming sense of sexuality come over me as I draw nearer and nearer to spirituality?
(By clicking on the following sentences, you will be linked with my book “Ithaca Insights.”)
I’ll return to my cave after the verdict.
* * * *
*(If one is itchy, then one scratches himself.
Better than any number of scratches
However, it is when one does not itch at all.”
— His Holiness the Dalai Lama quoting Nagarjuna, the Indian scholar, with a three-line thought on the question of Erotic Love.
Too often I hear someone talk about an “out-of-body” experience as if it was the greatest thing since, I don’t know, the invention of peanut butter. Astral projection is another feat people speak of in hushed tones as if their trip from one place to another meant everything in the world.
Well, I’m here to tell you there ain’t nothing like the good old-fashioned “In-Body” experience to get the blood rushing and the ecstasy flowing. ” It’s your body now, stupid.” You don’t have to go chasing some Holy Grail to find the answer “out there.” It’s here and it’s now. 
I was reminded of this when I suggested to a novice of the *Middle Way to try the “Body Scan” method of guided meditation. She sat for 25 minutes in a group and grappled with one thought after another. It was tough, she told me, but this dear child had taken her first steps toward enlightenment. They were baby steps.
With a little guidance, she made it through a sitting meditation. A brief walking meditation followed, and if her experience was anything like my first walk, she probably felt awkward, unbalanced, and out of shape. (See: Why must this path hurt so much?)
The body scan can help with the concentration needed in meditation, I realized when I was giving advice to her several hours after our one-on-one talk. Find an instructor or a CD where someone could “guide” you through a scan, I suggested. Follow the guide’s instructions and focus on the part of the body the scan takes you.
The scan is nothing more than an attempt by a meditator to be acutely aware of one’s sensation of touch as it relates to, let’s say, your right foot. Upon hearing “right foot,” you make the foot the single-minded object of your attention. Feel the toes, focus on the big toe, now try to “sense” the toe next to it, and then the group of toes. Can you feel the pinky? The tip of the pinky?
It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out where the guide will take you next. Choose another part of the foot, say the insole, the ankle, or the heel, and allow your mind to hover there, being aware of each chosen part. Eventually, you’ll touch on all the parts and be amazed at how much easier it was to nudge thoughts out of your way!
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call an “In-Body” experience. But don’t take my word for it. Try it yourself. If you’re like my new novice friend (is that a redundancy? A “new novice friend“?), you’ll probably need a little help from a friend, or at least, a friendly voice. That is, until you’re able to gently move your meandering and invasive thoughts “out of the picture,” and become one with your body.
I experience a tingling sensation, an effervescent feeling while “in focus.” It’s generated by some low-level motor-like engine running constantly throughout the body. A warmth blankets me, while providing a coolness at the same time.
All needs and desires are gone, save one. A wish to stay where I am – as I am – for as long as the peace and calm will effortlessly carry me. Amazingly, I am totally aware of everything around me. I am much more than this body “chilling out” in this space, this time. There is no past, no future, and the present stretches from beginningless time to endless time. My consciousness feeds off some Mother Entity that is all around me and in me.
I bow to this power, this Divine Energy. Make me your water bearer, O Divine Mother. Let me be the instrument to share your unconditional love with others. Let them sip from your wisdom and the body of knowledge that’s stored inside their empty vessels. Be still, I will tell them. “Be still, and know that I am God“ is the Bible quote that can help us Be Still with the Divine.
I’m so scared because I don’t know what to do, nor who to turn to. Flashes of insights, intuition, and a “knowing” that borders on the Psychic have arisen in me and I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.  Continue reading
He’s at it again. This time, the Friar Pope is championing what I call the “untouchable class” of Catholics, the single mother, also known throughout Christianity’s Dark Ages as the “UN – WED MOTHER.”
(Funny, but those Dark Ages seem like only yesterday!)  Continue reading
There’s a passage in Mark’s Gospel in which Jesus’ disciples complain that someone — one who is not one of them — is casting out demons in Jesus’ name. It seems that fundamentalists of all ages have held a belief that there was only one way to get to the kingdom; only one way, and that was through Jesus.  Continue reading
How could I – a mother of two with a 10-year drug problem – be facing a life sentence for something stupid I did at the local Rite Aid store? Continue reading
When I was a child, I’d feel sorry for anyone who appeared less fortunate than myself. That would include the white-haired elderly who was stooped over with age, as well as the infirm, a word I didn’t learn the meaning of until I was much older myself. 
It’s hard to describe this feeling; saying you feel “sorry” sounds like “pity,” but it’s not; at least, not in my case. When seeing a person with an obvious disfigurement, walking with crutches, or being pushed in a wheelchair, an overwhelming feeling of concern would well up inside me. I’d wish I could ease their pain, even if they had no pain; I wanted to help them get over their discomfort somehow.
This feeling came from within. There was something innate about it. I knew it was the right thing to feel when I saw the suffering of others. No one could have taught me this. Oh, my parents shared the Golden Rule with me and my brothers. They told us to be kind to other people and to animals.
But you couldn’t teach me to “feel” what I now realize was “compassion” and “empathy.” It came naturally to me. I believe it comes naturally for all children; that it’s part of our basic good nature to “feel sorry” for others. All of us at some point wanted to help others and ease their pain, even if it was just by offering a smile, saying hello, or asking with loving-kindness, “Can I help you?”
I’d get so much out of helping someone else. I’d feel good inside, a quiet, happy, silent type of joy. I’d never expect anything in return, and I’d feel I was doing exactly what the nuns at Catholic school would later advise me was what the Almighty One wanted all of us to do: to care for each other, particularly the down-and-out.
And then one day, someone older than me said I was a fool to feel this way; that I shouldn’t give to someone begging on the street because he’d just “drink it up.” Another person who I thought was wise said that the unfortunate “got what they deserved,” and that their illnesses or maladies probably were their own fault because of the way “they” lived — never explaining what was meant by “they.” You’d understand that it was that person’s way of putting down another because of his race, religion, sexual preference, or orientation.
I’d be a sucker to care for them, “smarter” adults would tell me, and the child inside would ask how something that made me feel so good could be so bad. You can’t get ahead in life, achieve your goals, or make lots of money by offering loving kindness and compassion to others who are suffering, they said. “Grow up,” they all told me.
And I did, quashing these feelings, and challenging the world with a determination to compete, to get ahead, and to succeed no matter what the cost. I’d get awards; see my name and achievements engraved on wall plaques in halls of higher learning and in business. And I’d make a comfortable living, providing for a future where there’d be few concerns or worries.
Something was missing, however, and it wasn’t until I connected with the child inside did, I realized I had been missing it during my adult life. Giving freely to others was and is “life.” Sharing with those with little or nothing provides me with all that I could ever want. Putting another’s needs above my own offers me a joy that I’ve missed since silently cherishing it while much younger.
Offering love to others is a good way to receive love back, but only if it’s done with nothing expected in return.
The child inside me had the right feelings all along, I realized. Now that I know this again, let me make it right for all the years I missed not helping you.
May I Help you, Please?
It would be My Pleasure.
Thank you.
(A recent study found that the pupils of infants’ eyes widened when they saw someone in need—a sign of concern—but their pupils would shrink when they could help that person—or when they saw someone else help, suggesting that they felt better. (Babies as young as four or five months will try to help their mothers pick up something dropped on the floor.) They seem to care primarily for the other person and not themselves. It was calming to see the person’s suffering being alleviated, whether or not they were the ones who did it.}
On February 5th, 2012, a friend who calls herself, the Frugal Xpat, commented:
I didn’t respond to the comment until now, but I want to share how everyone could enjoy this exercise the Frugal Expat spoke of in Daily Meditation Desperately Needed. As she describes her life’s quest, she is on “An expat’s journey in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.” Continue reading
Shifting into cruise control, I let myself glide through many of life’s activities nowadays. I relax, take several deep breaths, and seek a place inside where there are no thoughts, no worries, and no frets.
I’ve already done all the heavy lifting. I planned the contours of my day, knowing when I could go on autopilot and when I needed to let the left hemisphere of my brain take over. You know, when I need to calculate, navigate, and/or investigate, I turn to the so-called “thinking” process. But I don’t let thoughts interrupt my breakfast while I eat.
I awake with no problem and shave, shower, and dress myself, making only minor decisions in these efforts, particularly choosing which clothes to put on. Who needs to think while running water, flossing teeth, or flushing a toilet?
After getting into the car and driving to my preplanned destination of work or play, I need not think of the future or the past, but just the moment in front of me. This is my time, not someone else’s time, who would use it as unwisely as I used to by daydreaming, recalling past events, or projecting a thousand possibilities of things that could happen in the future that I had absolutely no control over.
A soft calm spreads throughout my body. Stiff and sore parts start to loosen up and relax. I have no need or wish to be anywhere but where I am at the moment.
I seek this plane of awareness when I read intently or listen deeply. When I’m in this “zone,” I retain more from a book or article, and hear not only spoken words from a speaker, but more of the meaning someone is trying to say without words.
When I free myself of the noisy thoughts and outside interferences, I become more present for the environment I’ve chosen to focus on, be it reading or writing, laughing or crying, or simply standing or sitting while I wait to engage in my next series of “actions.” I am more “there” than ever before because I purposely “let go” of all that has little if anything to do with the “now.”
I focus better on the job, finding more clarity on what’s needed and what’s superfluous. There’s a great word for you, superfluous. How much of what we do, say, and think is just that? Superfluous. How easy life could be if we eliminated more and more of the unnecessary add-ons that we thought so important at one time, but discovered never added one iota to our overall well-being.
Breathing in, I am at home with myself. Breathing out, I am at home with you and all the love, compassion, and sense of equanimity that the best families could ever offer.
I send affection to motorists cut off by a speeding car that winds in and out of lanes. I feel for the driver who was never told by the operator of a car in front that that operator was going to turn, despite what appears to be working lights that turn on and off when you press the turn signal lever up or down.
My heart goes out to you who have observed the speed limit, inching no more than seven miles an hour over a 55-mph limit when someone in a pickup truck rides your tail even though the driver can simply pull into the open right lane and pass your car on the left.
I used to curse out those I believed were inconsiderate drivers. You know the aggressive types that always seemed to have more important business to attend to than you did. Too often, I’d let anger push me to the extreme, and I’d speed up to show ’em what a speedster they had met on the road. It was road rage, pure and simple. The more I focused on how I’d been insulted, the more the rage would become inflamed, causing me to see red and not care about the defensive driving skills I swore I would practice just a few minutes earlier when I was feeling more level-headed.
Then it dawned on me. I could feel compassion for the so-called reckless driver. I know what it is like to be in such a hurry. I’ve been there. I’d feel the world would come to an end should I miss an appointment, be late for a job, or fail in the impression I wanted to make by arriving early enough to greet someone.
I always had a reason to speed. There were so many important things I had to do, to finish, to check off that “to-do” list to feel my life was worthwhile, that I was accomplished, that I am accomplishing . . . something.
I try to understand how the person traveling in the car trapped himself or herself by his or her own expectations, the desires and attachments to concepts and ideas that were no more real than the make-believe “deadline” they have imposed on themselves. No, there has never been a line that we needed to reach to prevent someone from falling down dead.
We’ve created this illusion. We’ve invested much of our lives into reaching certain milestones, destinations, and goals. That is all well and good, until we enslave ourselves to becoming totally “outcome-focused.” How you get there doesn’t matter, just as long as you carry out that task wherever it might be. Too often, it doesn’t matter who we hurt or cut off on the road we have traveled.
The process itself, I have learned, is just as important as, if not more important than, crossing the finish line. We spend the greatest part of our lives in some sort of “process” to get something.
We are squandering away that time if we focus on nothing but the ending. Why not learn to enjoy the road while we’re riding? Enjoy the lay of the land, the smooth macadam where the tires roll on following a bumpy part of the highway. Breathe in the air, the scented smell of that green-tree air-freshener of mint or the dark brown one that smells like brand new leather seats.
Sip from your cup of hot coffee or cool water. Listen to music or the beautiful sounds of silence that help you to still the mind so that you can live through your senses now, not at the end of the road. It is in the moment that you can find true compassion. Seek it inside, and, if you’re lucky, you can pick it up as a hitch-hiker on a road less traveled.
I’ve done what I have done and everyone can be satisfied with my efforts, including — and most importantly — me. Continue reading
While Neil Armstrong was taking a giant leap for all mankind, I had taken a small step toward adulthood one month after the moon landing, and I had no one to thank for it except my brother, who encouraged me to aim for the stars in becoming an Officer and a Gentleman in the Army of the United States of America.
I had weathered the worst six months of my life – worse even than my later combat duty in the Vietnam War – as I underwent the rigorous training in Officers’ Candidate School. We ran everywhere we went, and when we couldn’t run anymore, we’d run in place, waiting in line for chow outside the mess hall, or to use the latrine.
I was the second-youngest in a company of some 200 recruits – carrying a minimum rank of Specialist Five (E-5) – who learned tactics and survival skills and how to endure under the harshest conditions while developing leadership qualities. The youngest ones were targeted for even more physical and psychological drills because of our age.
The company commander once ordered me to do some 400 situps in a sleeping bag, relenting only after he got tired of counting, and I tore parts of my butt apart from sliding it back and forth against the ground so much. I’m surprised I didn’t tear a hole through the bag, but instead of forcing me out of the program, it encouraged me not to quit and to take whatever he was willing to dish out. At age 20, with nothing but a high school diploma, I earned the respect of several with college and graduate degrees who might have changed their minds about my leading troops.
Those of us who made it filed out of the auditorium at Fort Benning, Ga., having been addressed by some old, weathered colonel who appeared to be in his 70s and was still jumping out of airplanes – his latest count reaching more than 600 jumps! He looked a little crazy, “gung-ho crazy,” if you know what I mean. His eyes seemed permanently fixed wide open; he was jumpy and alert to the smallest sound or movement nearby. I would compare the hyperawareness and sensitivity I’d get from post-traumatic stress years later to his demeanor and makeup.
But on this day, August 22, 1969, my oldest brother had prepared a ceremony to take place outside the doors of the graduation hall. Dressed in his regular working uniform as an E-6 (Staff Sergeant), he carefully removed two metal bars from a cardboard box. We called them “butter bars,” the yellow metal bars symbolizing the rank of Second Lieutenant, the lowest rank in the Army’s officer corps.
So many things went through my mind as I stood at attention, looking straight ahead, hoping my dress-uniform hat was affixed properly. I didn’t want to be out of order in any way, shape, or form at this time in my life.
My oldest brother, six years my senior, was about to pin the bars on my shoulder, officially welcoming me to a world where I would become an officer and a gentleman. I did not know then what the designation by an Act of Congress would actually mean. That would come later in Vietnam, when I’d see mortar fire hit and wound half a squad I was leading; when a Viet Cong sniper would shoot and kill Lt. Vic Ellinger, one of only three lieutenants in our combat infantry company; or as two soldiers under another lieutenant’s command would forget where they had placed their claymore mine trip-wire and walk into it, killing themselves.
That was all in the future, along with the PTSD that would raise its ugly head some 25 years after the war. It wouldn’t be all bad, particularly right after being discharged, when this young veteran would use a sense of failure to achieve success in academics, getting degrees in journalism and history before finding his other life’s calling years later as a public defender trial lawyer after obtaining a Juris Doctor Degree.
I knew none of this as my brother George S. Contos fastened the metal bars to my uniform jacket, stepped back, and brought his right hand briskly to his forehead, saluting the superior officer that I had become.
Nothing in my life could compare to that shining moment.
One of the most wonderful moments of my life occurred without my knowing it. Had I the presence of mind to be more present for things that mattered, I might not have missed it. Recalling what this once-in-a-lifetime occurrence must have been like, however, is the second-best way I know of memorializing it. Continue reading
I didn’t want to go back to Omega Institute this year. Each time I travelled to this land of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle, I’d get high from the holistic experience. But then I’d change into an Ichabod Crane feeling chased by the Headless Horseman, who’d tell true-life stories that caused so much pain I couldn’t hold it inside. Continue reading
Cleaning a pot can be very meaningful, particularly if you block out all thoughts and concentrate on nothing but you and the instrument that has helped provide you with so much nourishment. Continue reading
Death entered my life recently and I’ve felt so alive with its presence. Continue reading
There’s something in it that resonates with me. In my private moments, I try my best to connect with it, but once I start to analyze it, it vanishes. Continue reading
There is a tradition in Eastern philosophies where you’re taught to view each person and other sentient being as if he, she – or it is your mother. I never knew how nurturing this could be until I allowed the child in me to reciprocate and bask in the most secure and loving place. Continue reading
Saying you’re sorry can be downright scary.
Particularly, if you’re not sure if the other party will accept your mea culpa even though it’s from the bottom of your heart.  Continue reading
After chanting a non-English mantra for some time, I finally learned its definition and discovered a gem of wisdom while contemplating its meaning. Meditating will never be the same, and I want to share with others a little of the enlightenment it’s provided me.
Reality shifted on me the other day, and it helped me realize that I have more control than my “resifted” thoughts allowed me to see. Now, with a “time-control outlook,” I can try to change my world for the better.  Continue reading
I don’t understand all the fuss that Catholic universities and hospitals are raising over providing health care for women that includes mandatory birth control provisions. Why not let “Practicing Catholics” follow the teachings of their church to “opt out” for the coverage, while permitting non-Catholics what doctors and women’s groups say is a health benefit?  Continue reading
Actively seek out someone in your church, synagogue or temple and befriend him so that what happened in Philadelphia last week never happens again.  Continue reading
It’s time for my disappearing act to begin. I close my eyes, wave an imaginary magic wand, and slowly begin to vanish from existence here. All thoughts and fears come to an end as I find protection beneath a cloak of invisibility, safe from the savages outside and the demons within.  Continue reading
Ever wonder what life was like for ancestors living fifty, a hundred or even 200 years ago?
How would you like to read a journal of some great, great, great-aunt forced to raise a family alone after her soldier husband had been killed in the Civil War? Like to see your great-grandfather dressed in Irish kilts speaking to you from the old country, or view a relative wearing a straw hat toasting you from America’s Roaring 20s? 
Well, I’d like to tell my offspring what life was really like at the end of the 20th Century and this new millennium as we kick off the Year 2012. We have the technology to share our thoughts and our knowledge if we simply take advantage of it.
You should be honest about difficulties you faced and how you learned to overcome them. Talk about the failures for them to truly appreciate the successes. Pull no punches, but don’t scare the hell out of their need toward risk-taking.
What I’m suggesting is journal writing with a twist. Why not tell your story in a webcast? Write about a subject you feel strongly about and video tape it (“Webcam” it!) Turn on the camera, look into its lens, and announce your intent to shake hands across time. Tell them what angers you about the world today, with the focus on making a buck at any cost.
Give them an earful of how the religions we grew up with failed us until finding spirituality inside and not in someone else’s building. Speak of how you still get a chill when hearing the national anthem played on baseball’s opening day.
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And smile as you discuss your first job, say, at age 15 working as a messenger boy traveling from one downtown business to another, walking instead of riding the bus to save a 20-cent token. Tell how you couldn’t cut it as a door-to-door sales rep of some product or other when discharged from the military and willing to work at anything to help pay your way through community college.
It’s all of whom we really are, and they can hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Webcast yourself! Sit in front of a fireplace or a row of books and practice your presentation before making it. Entice a family member to ask your questions to get you started but
Now all I have to do is comb my hair, get comfortable, and find the confidence to practice what I preach. If I do, I’ll see you on U-tube or some other place in the not-too-distant future.
I can think of no worse place to be than in a church, a temple, or a synagogue when an unbidden and involuntary giggle would invade my psyche and take control of me. A “giggle” is too mild a word: uncontrollable laughter would rise to the level of guffaws and downright knee-slappers, right at the most somber parts of a religious service. Continue reading
Am I un-American or anti-religious when I tell you something I’ve been trying to say for years, but have been afraid of hurting your feelings?
Indulgences are some things I never thought I’d think about once I finished with my Catholic upbringing and moved onto Eastern Studies and the spiritual advice from the Kabbalah. But there I was reading how someone could limit their time in purgatory by performing certain acts and saying prayers.  Continue reading
“Did you hear what I said? I’m pregnant.
Joseph. Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What’s there to say?” the young carpenter named Joseph said to himself.
“You tell me an angel “appeared” and “announced” you were with child . . . You ask me to believe no man had anything to do with this.”  Continue reading
I saw more of the Divine in a beggar on the road to Calvary last year than I did in the three religions occupying Jerusalem. The beggar’s blindness beamed into me, and I’ll never forget the look on his face as I offered him Israeli shekels, and he bowed to me in thanks.
Continue reading
Thank God for Buddhism.
What’s that you say?
I can’t have one in, and of, the other?
Are you telling this red-blooded American veteran that I cannot follow the teachings of the Buddha and still believe in the God of Abraham? Continue reading
My best friend died before I could tell him how much he meant to me.
Not a week goes by, that I don’t think of him or see him in my dreams. And if there is one thing I’d want to say to some new friend I might make in this life, it is that I truly treasure your “being there” for me. Continue reading
I want to give “thanks” today, but don’t want to offer it the Norman-Rockwell, “fake-it-‘til-you-make-it” way of the holidays. Instead, I want to share how grateful I am for such taken-for-granted “gifts” that I am only beginning to realize most of us have been given. Continue reading
Like you, I want to be a soldier of peace and not war; a kind and loving friend to the poor and a prodding yet mild abrasion to the rich. Continue reading